Sad for the little girl I’ve lost

[MissyMoooo]

My DD is 14 and I honestly don’t know how to manage her mood swings. She’s really not pleasant to me or DH (unless she wants something) She talks back, rolls her eyes at me, won’t do a thing around the house not even bring her plates downstairs (yes she eats her meals in her room and not with us) She went out for a few hours yesterday and I gutted her bedroom, there was a full bags worth of empty wrappers and god knows what else - she tidies her room but doesn’t even clean it or hoover etc. She sleeps all day and refuses to get up, doesn’t do schoolwork, she says she will but then doesn’t. I’m at the end of my tether, she has zero respect for me and I don’t know what to do or how to turn it around. I can’t believe it’s got this far, please don’t flame me, I am really struggling.

I was just like this, I’ve turned into a nice adult so I would hope it’s just normal human teenage behaviour

Please search the current thread 'things I've done wrong according to dd' (sorry can't link).

I know it's a big transition, you will get through it and meanwhile that thread can hopefully make you feel better.

Sorry 'according to teen dd'.

Absolutely horrible things (and they deserve the word 'things') between 13 and about 17-8. My daughter is coming out the other side at 18 and realising that the world does not centre around her. Luckily my son just does A levels and games so not as in your face.

Get out of my life - but first take me and alex into town , really good book about teenage behaviour , gives an explanation why they do the things they do!.
I learnt a lot about my 1st two kids from reading this.
I have a 3rd child heading into teenage ,urgh , i think the silence thing is a good idea ,kind of not fuelling a fire ,and cliche i know but choose your battles .
Looking back on your own teenage its quite a confusing time , i remember wishing i could wear a bag on my head in public ! and just feeling pretty miserable at times , but it will pass.
Kevin the teenager is spot on .

My daughter is 15 and she can be horrible at times. Same as yours takes her food &,stomps upstairs, fires questions at me, demands I stop what I'm doing and help her (only when it's suits her the rest of the time I should stay out of her business). In those times I try my best to remember its not personal, she is dealing with many changes and doesn't always know how to express herself. I find tempting her with a Starbucks or snacks & a movie helps & for a brief moment I get my lovely girl back. Hang on in there.

I remember being the same at that age i argued with my mom all the time. I thought i knew better. Now my mom is my best friend we make each other laugh to the point we nearly wet our selves and have to run to the toilet i love spending time with her now even though i was a horrible teenager

What Wearywithteens said on P1

She is 14. She isn't a little girl. She is a teenager trying to battle all the hormones and feelings and pressures and confusions she feels. She is at a stage where she needs to test boundaries.

I second the recommendations for both
Get out of my life - but first take me and alex into town
and also
How to Talk so teens will listen and how to listen so teens will talk
Both excellent reads, and that's from someone who has never been into books about parenting.

I feel your pain Op - my DD is 15 and if being horrible was an Olympic event....

Today I did nearly get a Mother's Day hug - she leant in to me and there was almost contact!

I remember saying to her when she was little that the cuddles would get fewer and fewer until they disappeared and she used to say not mummy, I will always hug you'

Now the withering looks / being told to go away but can hear her in her room chatting and laughing to her friends (or THEIR patents) - that hurts.

Completely understand. I found myself grieving for my little girl for a long time. It definitely feels like a loss. I think we're coming out the other side now, but I've got a second daughter just going into it... Wish me luck?! I have found that leaving them to it makes them come back to me a bit more. I have had to learn to do my own thing and just leave them alone. Oh, and ignore all the happy snaps from other people on social media. Particularly on Mother's Day.

Yes, can second that recommendation for 'Get out of my life. But can you take Alex & me into town' book.