Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Full time working mum? Am I really a bad person?

33 replies

grcxo · 14/03/2021 00:26

During the pandemic we had taken such a huge hit financially (we weren’t entitled to much help and i was on maternity also). My SMP has come to an end and I’m starting a new job this coming monday full time.

Now although I am going back to work to help financially overcome the hit. I am also going back full time to help keep myself a good career afloat. While I have absolutely no problem with people who decide to become SAHP, this personally is not something I would like to do. Mentally I know it’s just not something I could do either.

I was personally so excited to start work but my MIL has decided to stick her two pence in and now I’m feeling guilty for wanting to continue with a career.....

She’s told me when she was younger she became a SAHM not because she wanted to but because it’s what was best for her baby, and that I should do the same. Rather than ‘abandoning’ the child and putting my needs first. Or at its bare minimum atleast go part time. (the industry I’m in, part time is unfortunately not an option, which means a complete career change...)

I feel so let down and I really don’t know how to feel. Is it really that bad for a mum to want to pursue her career after having a baby?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Oly4 · 14/03/2021 21:29

Ignore this silly woman. Full time here, 3 great kids, ridiculous amounts of love and happiness for them and from them, a good career and cash to spend on activities and holidays. It’s great, go for it

AegonT · 14/03/2021 22:15

How horrible of her! Has she also approached her son and suggested he stay at home?

I went back to work full time when my daughter was 7 months old, she went to a childminder full-time. She's 6 now, is doing incredibly well at school and is happy and well liked by everyone.

nevernotstruggling · 14/03/2021 22:19

I'm a lone parent and I've worked ft since they were little. It's not a bad thing but people will give you grief for it for eternity.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Jobs

enjoyingscience · 14/03/2021 22:19

What a bitch. You already probably know dozens of women personally who manage to work full time, and you know they and fine and their kids are fine.

Two kids here, both been in childcare full time since they were 10 months. Now 12 and 7 and thriving. Also, my mum worked full time when I was little and she’s nothing but a hero to me.

Do what you need to do lovely.

Pebbledashery · 14/03/2021 22:24

I'm a full time working single mum and I honestly would still work if I had the choice.. I love my job, my daughter is flourishing at nursery, I love that I can provide for her and put a roof over her head and make sure her belly is full and she goes to bed warm at night. I have much respect for stay at home parents, it's a tough job.. But personally I have always worked for the exception of maternity leave and I don't feel bad for it. I still do bath and bedtime every single night, I'm the first person my daughter sees in the morning and the last person at night.
Please don't let your MIL make you feel bad. You're providing for your family as well as wanting to further and better yourself in life.. She should be proud!

Afishcalledwonderful · 15/03/2021 09:39

This is so unfair on you. Everyone is different and you need to do what suits you and your family best. I do feel sometimes that SOME of the older generation are a bit miffed at the lack of choices they had and the expectation for the woman to stay at home. Times have changed. You're being responsible and taking care of your family whilst ensuring you have a career that you enjoy - what can be wrong with any of that? I say good on ya and go for it!

LavenderDiamond · 15/03/2021 09:51

I had the same input from my step mother.

She never worked after my half siblings were born. She dabbled in something for a few years then retired really early.

When I had to return to work FT she made me feel dreadful.

I won't forgive those comments though have moved on from it

FTEngineerM · 15/03/2021 10:16

I think the narrative needs to change.

Not every woman/man is doing the best for their child by staying home and looking after them 24/7.

Especially during the pandemic when social interactions have been limited.

I know this isn’t exactly scientific but since our DC has been going he has developed so much in such a short space of time. They can do things with him that I can’t. I wish I’d started him a little earlier if anything.

I also get to remain totally independent.
There is no wrong choice in this regard, if you are a better person and someone is caring for your DC well then it’s absolutely the best situation.

What’s the alternative? Stay home, develop depression, end up on medication, lose independence? That is not the best for your child.

Flip

1 2