When did you start saying there was no alternative to tea if it was left?

[Pebbledashery]

Going through a difficult patch with little one. She's 2.5 years old. Made one of her favourite tea's tonight and she just messed about with it and didn't eat it :( such a waste of food. Feel terrible at the thought of her going to bed on an empty stomach so given her some other bits and pieces, she's currently eating pancakes!
When did you start saying to your little ones there was no alternative to tea that's been served? 2.5 years still feels a bit young but don't want this to be an ongoing habit of where she knows ill give in. I'm a single parent so have to be good cop and bad cop :(

We have choices too. When they were small we would serve say jacket potato with a choice of toppingsnon the table. And cut veg (but a few different ones)

Even as adults we have days we don't fancy things.

Fruit and yoghurt always follows dinner for my 14 mth old no matter how little he eats of the main - it’s been like that since we started weaning at 5 mths. He usually stuffs himself on the main and then gorges on fruit too but the rare times he doesn’t I assume he isn’t hungry and we carry on to bedtime.

My boys are much older now (uni age) but even now any uneaten dinner gets covered and put in the fridge and they reheat if they get hungry.

My 12 year old is quite capable of making some scrambled eggs or macaroni cheese if she really doesn't fancy dinner. At this age well meal plan and check there's something everyone will eat. Its a bit harder when they're small.

We've literally always done this since we first started weaning and I know other families who have done the same.

I see what others are saying about choices but it is a bit of a slippery slope as at this age they tend to go through that phase of choosing something and then being furious at what they’ve chosen 😂 eg do you want tuna or cheese and they say tuna so you make tuna and then give it to them and they’re like OH MY GOD I HATE TUNA. So it can then be easy to get trapped into a pattern of then making something else etc. I find choice works better if it’s within the meal ie the meal itself has different components that she can choose and it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t eat them all. For example when we have fajitas/wraps we have lots of different fillings/toppings like avocado, grated cheese, yoghurt, beans, mixed veg, chicken etc. Sometimes she’ll have a bit of everything and other times she literally just has wrap and cheese 😂 or tonight when we had sausages there was sausage, wedges, peas, broccoli and baked beans. She might have three of those 5 things but it all balances out ok. It’s harder if you’ve done something like risotto because then it’s either that or nothing really.

Never ever given mine an alternative. Always offered fruit or yoghurt as a dessert

Don’t eat dinner=get sweet treats instead, doesn’t sound great advice.

SecondBabyGirl. Thats what I meant by choices at that age. With some different things on the table to choose from. They are often very visual at that age so may need to see cheeese/tuna and choose one.

Offering a variety of foods over the week is key, including something "safe" each mealtime and not making a big deal over what they don't eat.

Long term plan is healthy eating and a good relationshop with food. Not a power battle over a meal

I don’t really see yogurt and fruit as ‘sweet treats’
I give plain Greek yogurt and fruit. The yogurt has no added sugar, is filling and full of protein and calcium. It’s ideal if they have eaten a bit less, or if they have drunk less during the day. If will help fill tummy for decent night sleep. The fruit is part of 5 a day and it’s better for teeth to have as part of meal Instead of snacking in between.

To me sweet treats are biscuits/ cake/ sugary deserts/ chocolate/ sweets

Dietitian advised us to give no alternative but still offer dessert (yoghurt and fruit). DS loves toast and cereal so he'd never eat dinner if he knew he'd get that instead. Dinner always contains some things he likes, but we are really trying to do we all eat the same and together. It's made a huge difference to the variety DS eats.

Mine were about 2.5 to 3 when there "was nothing else". I've always tried really hard not to make food a big deal, but there is a lot of emotion tied up in it.
My DD was pretty bad with food around that age... I'd try not to make a fuss at the time. I would sometimes re-offer the meal, reheated, 30 mins or so later. But otherwise, the only option was fruit.

Our DS has a small appetite and can not really fancy his tea.
You do have to look what they have eaten over the day as a whole.

He is 3.5, he knows when the clock says 16.30 tea time is over, if he hasnt eaten tea, he gets nothing else at the table, like pudding or dessert, he has to wait until supper for anything else. He is fine with that as he is sometimes just not hungry.

We got the clock as we were siting there for near on an hour sometimes, while he faffed and the tea time seemed surrounded by wether he would eat, i mean who needs that pressure, and not a toddler, so our mistake there.
So we dont discuss it now, he gets told if he eats great, if not no dessert and wait until supper. And he can see the clock, so its his choice.

We have had lots of clear plates since which has been lovely.

Another poster has also alluded to this, but I remembered its good advice to make sure that every meal contains one element at least that you know she'll enjoy and eat, so there shouldn't be a worry about going hungry without having had anything at all. And just keep offering the rest.

You also mention cooking from scratch a few times - it's so stressful putting lots of effort in for it to feel wasted. Cook a healthy variety for YOU, and just serve a little of the same for your toddler. Remember their portion sizes only need to be little. It just takes away some of the frustration of feeling like you've prepared something specially.

Pebbledashery My DS is just coming up to 2.5 years and is exactly the same. Usually an excellent eater but will randomly refuse meals. He has been doing it at home and at nursery. I started by refusing to allow him an alternative but found he started waking earlier. I'm a single parent too and working full time so that was a killer, so I then started giving toast and spaghetti hoops etc but he then expected it, so I stopped giving it to him at the same time as dinner. Instead I'd offer it an hour later with a banana. The nursery insisted I spoke to our HV. Her response was that it is normal and don't pander to it. So I've now stopped the alternative but I will offer an extra piece of fruit or a yogurt. This week I've noticed that most of the meals he refuses are those that have veg visibly mixed into something like a risotto. He likes his veg completely separate. He will refuse it if one pea is sitting on his mash potato for example. I'm being very careful what I serve up to reduce the chances of refusal. So perhaps look for patterns in your daughters refusals and see if it's something in particular.

agree @Caspianberg not sweet treats at all. Especially as the yoghurt we give is fruit that we purée mixed with Greek yoghurt so no added sugar.

I wouldn’t add this though, only give these if it’s already part of your routine. It’s worked for us. I would never offer any more food later. If they’re not eating it they’re not hungry enough. It’s aboyt what they eat in a week, not a day.

We always offered bread, cheese and an apple instead. No pudding as we don't really have pudding, only fruit. It seemed to work ok and meant he wasn't hungry. I wouldn't have wanted him to refuse a meal and be able to eat pudding though