Why does it have to be so hard

[JKDcot]

Not sure what I want out of this post but I just feel so sad and fed up. Our 9 month old is struggling to sleep and in lots of pain teething. I am averaging around 4-5 hours of sleep a night. It is not making me a nice person. I am so exhausted I am shouting and mean to my husband and pushing him away. We’re both struggling with the added stress of lockdown

When does it get easier? I feel like I’m not enjoying motherhood as I’m just so tired

9 months can be hard. There is a massive sleep regression and timing it with teething can't be easy.

Could you get your DH to take her out for an hours walk this morning and you get a nap?

Do you think that thawing a lie-in tomorrow would help as well? He could get her tup and give her breakfast while you sleep.

Thank you for good advice. We do try and share the load, one does bottle in the night and the other gets up at 5am. But it’s stop not enough. He’s been so unsettled in the night that we’re both awake trying to settle him back to sleep. I just don’t know how to not be angry/frustrated/sad when I’m so tired?

You need to catch up on sleep somehow. Mine is 9 months this week and I'm just back at full time work - I've been going to bed with baby at 8 and also will definitely have a nap today while dh looks after baby and 5 Yr old.

Everything is better with some sleep

I just don’t know how to not be angry/frustrated/sad when I’m so tired

It is hard and it will get better. I found The No Cry Sleep Solution helped us and it does have a bit in early risers.

If you are getting angry though, do you think that you may have PND and the lack of sleep is making it worse?

I have never had anger issues in my life. I’ve never really felt the emotion before at all so I feel so upset with myself for getting angry and snapping. I mainly take it out on my husband and shout at him. But I have started to worry I will snap at work or my family and friends too. I think it’s just tiredness from 9 months of no solid sleep. I just don’t know

When are you back at school and will little one go to nursery?

At work haha not school!!!

If you're not finding your life enjoyable, it's probably worth speaking to your GP about your mental health and seeing if medication and/or talking therapy will help.

As for motherhood making life hard right now, it's sleep you need.

• could you nap in the daytime? Not just occasionally, every day.
• could you go to bed earlier?
• could you get a regular lie in?

I really think that lack of sleep makes everything feel shit and I suspect may be a large factor in PND at least for some people. I think trying to find ways to catch up on sleep is the best option.

We had the 5am wake up with both of ours and it was a killer, especially when combined with night waking. Usually whoever got up at 5 would then go back to bed when the other one got up on weekend days.

Thing is, humans didn't evolve to be able to parent our young alone, or even as a couple. It's way too hard for us.
It's actually dangerous in a way how we live as the frustration and tiredness and relentlessness can break us.

I agree with FATE. Telling your GP how you are feeling sounds like a really good idea and lol oh at ways to get some more sleep like early nights and naps.

It will get easier but you might just need some help before it does

I feel you! I've got a 2yo and an 8mo, neither of whom sleep, I'm a zombie. Recently I've also been feeling really angry, I think it's because the 8mo absolutely still not sleep, day or night, other than on me and the 2yo refuses to nap despite being so tired she is practically falling over so neither nap and then they both cry all day as they're so tired, it's full on. I'm definitely not depressed, on the odd occasion I get a break I feel great, do you get much of a break, if you do, how do you feel? I've started making husband take both kids to his parents for the odd day (support bubble) while I watch Netflix and eat biscuits on the sofa all day.

What I will say is that after 1yr I think for most people it does get a bit better, I'm not saying baby will sleep through (we get the odd night now at 2yr3m but not every night) but it will get a bit less relentless and once lockdown is over life will get better, sending hugs

I found 9-10 months particularly tough, @JKDcot - it does get better though. At times I felt like I was losing my mind and I could feel rage bubbling up inside me when DD would refuse to eat etc.

Talk to your husband and find ways together that will help you

I could have written this post ! My LO is 9 months in 2 days and I just didn't expect it to be this hard at this age . I have exactly the same feelings as you @JKDcot I also worry my bond with him is not 100% there but it's getting there slowly. Me and hubby have a lie in each at the weekend but it's not enough. I don't like who I am at the moment and I'm really not enjoying it. I delayed going back to work by a few weeks in the hope that things will settle down. We've had loads of issues - teething, nursing strike, ear infection, not sleeping, constipated, won't eat solid foods, won't take formula . It's absolutely relentless and I feel you completely. I just keep telling myself in between the bad days it will pass, just survive it. You're not alone . Hope it gets better for you soon

Thank you so much for everyone’s kind comments. He was so ratty and tired today but we had a nap from 2-4.30pm which made me feel human again. It’s just so frustrating isn’t it because the baby is so much happier when he’s well rested and so are my husband and I. Just wish there was a method to keep him sleeping well for all of our sakes.

Hats off to you wonderful mums who have 2 under 5. I literally couldn’t imagine. He takes up all my time and attention I have no time even for my dog!

I don’t think I have mental health issues but I really believe it’s the exhaustion making me insane. Once I wake up from a good rest I feel so much better and like I can handle it and enjoy it.

I think I’ll try and nap more myself during the day when I can. I’m back to work but WFH so I could sleep instead of having a lunch break. Even 30 mins of quiet shut eye is enough.

Thank you all again. I feel so embarrassed to admit to my friends how hard I find it. It’s horrible to say you’re struggling especially when you only have one and a supportive husband. It feels amazing people do this with many children and alone.
Hopefully in the next few weeks will get easier

Don't feel embarrassed, you are entitled to find things hard. Apparently some children you don't even know they're teething, they are the lucky ones! I think my DD used to have ibuprofen every night for a while when she was that age as her teeth were so bad poor thing. Also definitely nap in the day whenever you can, everything else is secondary to sleep!