Can’t afford to have another baby....

[SW2021]

I gave birth to my DD in May and I am really loving motherhood. I am keen for DD to have a sibling but at almost 38, I am conscious that I need to start thinking about this sooner rather than later. The problem is we can’t really afford another baby, especially if we are lucky enough to conceive quickly but I don’t feel like I can wait another couple of years to try at my age (when free nursery hours kick in).

We know that we will not be able to afford nursery fees for two babies and our house is cluttered as it is but I just cannot imagine DD being an only child and I can’t get the thought of another out of my head! Feeling like I am applying pressure on my DH and I am torn between being sensible and realistic and thinking that no-one can really afford a baby/babies! Of course, this is only relevant if we are able to conceive. WWYD?

@Phiphi123
Where I live there's no significant difference between CM and nursery.

Our nursery is £50 per day (goes to £51 in April) that's for 7.30-6pm inc everything. Discount on that if they go 5 days.
CM is £4.50-£4.75 per hours inc meals so roughly the same.

I think it depends how much you want a 2nd tbh. We couldn't afford it but got on anyway because we really wanted two. We were skint for a bit, but fast forward nearly 6 years and I'm glad we pushed through as we have plenty of money now and the kids have a good friendship.
My friend waited until they could definitely afford number 2, and now shes has had a series of fertility issues that mean she still isnt pregnant despite trying for a long time. She regrets not just doing it a few years ago.

Make sure you factor in how many hours you’ll pay for nursery after your child is 3, as you only get 30 hours per week in term time OR 22 hours per week for 50 weeks of the year (so just over 2 days care, maybe).

I would cut down on everything to have a second child.

@Greenmarmalade yes the funded hours don’t go that far, our monthly bill will reduce from £700 to about £400 with the 30hrs. A big help but nothing like “free”. Which is why we can’t afford 2.

[quote Megan2018]@Phiphi123
Where I live there's no significant difference between CM and nursery.

Our nursery is £50 per day (goes to £51 in April) that's for 7.30-6pm inc everything. Discount on that if they go 5 days.
CM is £4.50-£4.75 per hours inc meals so roughly the same.[/quote]
It also depends on your hours I think. Round here CM is slightly cheaper, a few pounds per day perhaps. But for me personally it works out MUCH cheaper, as I’m a teacher who does some half days - none of the nurseries here offer term time only and the nursery ‘half days’ finish at 12/12.30 which isn’t late enough for me, so I’d have to pay a full day even though I finish at 1. My CM let’s me pay term time only and just pay her til 1.30 so for me, a CM is massively cheaper.

Considering a childminder for our second as the nursery is £70 a day- also have to consider I will need childcare around school hrs for my eldest- you don’t eliminate childcare once they start school Unless you work 9-3

alwayslucky did you know the demographic least likely to think about the climate crisis is mothers of young children? Really interesting. I think we can’t cope with fearing the reality of what is coming for our kids.

I remember someone at work asking how on earth I could afford a second baby ,when I was 6 months pregnant. Not in a nasty way, they were genuinely worried. I sort of stuck my head in the sand. My kids always had second hand everything. People passed a lot of stuff onto me and I had dc1 stuff. I worked like 8 hrs a week then .we were so skint, no holidays etc

Anyway hes almost 20 now. Brilliant boy. Absolutely no regrets. Still very frugal . Still working part time.
You adjust.

It's the childcare fees that are the biggest issue so see how you can manage that. Can you work part time for a couple of years? Would that help financially? I know I have been lucky to have grandparents help out one day a week, although that all went to pot with COVID and we had to increase our nursery hours which was an extra expense. Tax free childcare definitely helps to save a bit of money.

You don't need to spend a lot of money on anything else. If you have another child of the same gender then that makes life easier, but even if not, you don't need to spend loads. I was guilty of buying a fancy pram etc for my first. When our second came along I realised there was no need to spend lots, so I bought a second hand cot (just bought a new mattress), double pram etc. And I buy more second hand clothes and shoes etc for both of them now, they grow out of stuff so quickly and it just makes so much more sense.

See if you can make it work, it sounds like you'll regret it if not.

Also aim for a summer born baby- 1 yr less of nursery fees!

It’s worth bearing in mind that if you were to decide to have another baby you could end up with twins. This happened to my sister. She waited until her eldest child was at school before having a second as she could only afford full time childcare for one.
She had twins! So ended up with childcare for 2 babies anyway. It was a financially rough few years before they started school.

@skeggycaggy

alwayslucky did you know the demographic least likely to think about the climate crisis is mothers of young children? Really interesting. I think we can’t cope with fearing the reality of what is coming for our kids.

@skeggycaggy you amazed me with that fact. Guess your explanation would account for it, though.

Totally in same boat. Would love another one!
when son was born self employed husband was being treated for cancer, ran up debts (30k) just trying to survive, as no financial help for him being sick.
husband is now well, son has started school. Wrap around childcare costing 60-80 a week.
thought when he started school it would all be easier, but doesn’t seem to be. Mortgage is higher than ever expected and we only live in a flat. I work full time as a nurse and nursery fees were just ridiculous!
decided just to enjoy one son we have and concentrate on being debt free for the future. Although feel that it’s not fair, we have to be sensible and make this decision.

Hey there, I'm in a similar position to you when you posted. Can I ask, did you end up having a second? If you didn't, how has the emotional roller-coaster been? Would love to hear about your experience? Feel free to DM if that's better than messaging on the thread!

Thank you

Could you help me work out when to ttc!? Current DD is born July 2022