I have no patience with my son

[MrsSnape]

My son has always been difficult. He's almost 7 but he's cheeky, hyper, playfully violent (violent but not in an aggressive way if that makes any sense?) he's CONSTANTLY silly and rude...Since he started reception he has persistantly gotten himself into trouble for shouting out, disturbing the others or generally just being a pain.

In year 1 he had to be sat by himself because if he was allowed to sit with his friends he wouldn't do any work and would prevent his friends from doing theirs too. He was so naughty one day that he was sent to the head mistress and whilsts he shouted at him he laughed in her face.

Anyway he started year 2 in september and he's been fine upto now with just the occasional acting up (new teacher I suppose) but now its started up again. He's been sat on his own because he's so silly with friends, he's shouting out, messing around. Now it's got to the point where the teacher is sitting him in the coridoor to do his work so he's completely away from the others.

A new boy has just started the school and already he's been banned from playing with DS as they act up so much together.

He's the same at home, he runs around, kicks his brother, he's cheeky, he breaks things, he's rude and annoying. He won't concentrate on anything, yesterday I was trying to help him with his maths homework and he got completely stuck on 7+2 which I know full well he could do...he just couldn't be bothered to concentrate and work it out.

Tonight I've just totally lost my rag with him, he was reading his homework book and his eyes were all over, he was taking so long to read the easiest of words...stuff which I knew he knew. It must have taken us around half an hour to read a book that is designed for a 10 minute read.

I'm just sick of him, sick of his behaviour. I have no patience with him anymore and lately I feel myself wishing he could go and live with his dad.

I have another son who is completely different.

Oh my word you poor thing! Have you taken him to the G.P? He may have ADHD or somthing. I'm afraid I can't give any practical advice as my daughter is only 2.5 so I haven't been in your situation. I get loads of tips from watching super nanny but I don't know wether your son is too old for that. Keep your cool (easier said than done I know) but try punnishments like no T.V or computer games. I'd talk to the school as well. Maybe if you work out a plan of action between you and work together, you might get him back on track.

Hi. Just wanted to add my support. It sounds like you are at the end of your tether and could really do with some practical support with your ds before things deteriorate further.

I can sympathise with you when you say you are sick of him and his behaviour. I have a dd who is 6 and ds who is 4.5. DD is so easy (well most of the time, very girly, sits down quietly when she is tired and very rarely gets told off. Ds on the other hand, he is what one of my relatives describe as 110% boy! He is such a lovable little chap and obviously I adore him but I do find him such incredibly hard work. I don't think there is a day goes by when he doesn't play up about something, he seems to have a very short fuse and creates at the slightest thing that doesn't go his way. Having said all that he is a model pupil at his pre-school and he always behaves beautifully for everyone else except me, which I suppose is good but it makes it hard on me.

I'm not sure of your home circumstances but when you said you wished your ds could live with his dad, are you a single mum? I divorced my husband recently and I am sure some of ds's behaviour is as a result of not having a male role model around the home. He does see ex h every other weekend but I don't think there is much discipline whilst there and ds is always particularly difficult and volatile after these weekends.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to advise you as our sons are different ages and I havent encountered the school problems as you have, but I agree with mummyloveslucy that it would be well worth talking to his school.

I hope things get better for you very soon.

It's funny you say that as my DS is worse after his fortnightly visits to his dad's house too...

I know I need to br tougher on him, I threaten him with bed early, no tv, no computer etc and carry through with it but it doesn't seem to bother him, for instance tonight he was sent to bed early and he lied there for hours making stupid noises, he was enjoying his punishment.

I am a single mum

Yes can identify with that too. If I put ds on the naughty step he thinks it is highly amusing to sit there singing silly songs which basically revolve around the words, fart, poo, wee and willy......sigh He also does this at the table at mealtimes and it never fails to make me lose it with him. Completely the wrong thing to do I know because I am giving him attention which is of course exactly what he wants.

Wish they came with an instruction manual :{

Am off to bed now. Goodnight and I really hope you get things sorted. Chin up x

You said that your son took a long time to read a book that you think is really simple. Is it possible that he actually didn't know those words? Is it possible that he's acting up in class because he has difficulties reading and therefore can't access his classes? I only say this because of a programme I saw on the channel 4 "Lost For Words" series where a lot of "naughty" kids were actually just frustrated, fed up, bored and playing up in class because they weren't reading as well as the teacher assumed.

Even if this isn't the case the first thing I would suggest you do is try your best to revise the stereotype of "naughty boy" you have of him. It'll only become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk " is an excellent and simply written book for helping you communicate better with kids, there might be a few suggestions in there that could help you get your son to open up about why he's having a hard time settling at school.

I have two DS's, a little younger than yours and I hope I don't offend by saying it sounds like attention seeking behaviour. If you say he can do his math and can read his homework but struggles in front of you then I would say he likes to see you worked up. If you stop 'rewarding' his behaviour by getting worked up and frustrated than he might stop doing it. I still find that a time out anywhere away from me and the rest of the family is the worst punishment for my eldest as it deprives him of an audience and attention, which is what most kids crave. It might also be a sibbling rivalry thing too. He might see that you are more content with your other DS's behaviour and wants to distinguish himself from his brother by being different. The Steve Biddulph book does say that 0-6 boys want their mums more and from 7-14 their dads, not that I would encourage you to send him to his dad's or anything, but maybe a strong male role model if you have family nearby like a brother or cousin or whatever. As suggested - the 'naughty boy' label might be one that he has adopted as his identity, especially at school, so if you could divert his attention to be a 'sporty boy' or whatever and distract him from his old ways than that might help. Good Luck, sim

I am no expert - and some of the above ideas sound plausible.
Does he have friends at school - is he being silly to get attention there? Must be worth talking to school to see if you can agree some positive actions as distinct from negative ones like working in the corridor.
Does he do sports?
My DS can be pretty silly and very annoying actually but he responds well to being kept active with sports etc - also the football is a good male environment for him and has helped him make friends.

My DS is also very badly behaved when hungry - I really mean it - and if he has eaten chocolate. Sometimes I find myself getting real mad with him at home and then to defuse it I give him some food and realise he was just hungry - he goes through growth spurts when he does nothing but eat. Is his behaviour worse at certain times at school?

Also I find being given some responsibilities so he has done some things for himself - eg he gets his own breakfasts and drinks, washes vegetables, sets table, gets his sports kits ready etc. I have to admit I find something each day for him to do so I can find things to praise him for, as well as to keep him out of trouble!

Hope things improve.

Although I wasn't the original poster, there's some really helpful advice here which I am going to try with my ds. It sounds practical and achievable and I am willing to try anything to try and get things so that I am not constantly losing it with my ds. Today was a much better day

May well order those books mentioned too.

Thanks.