What would you do? Newborn and wedding

[CLeighannHxo]

I apologise for the potential lengthy post! It is not exactly to do with parenting but I didn't know where else to post.
OK, so abit of background... we were due to get married in August last year, however had to postpone due to covid. We had arranged everything for the 21st of August this year. We then found out that we were expecting our first baby and I am currently 28w+4d pregnant, due date is 29th of May.
My point to this post is that I am in 2/3 minds of what to do regarding whether to go ahead or postpone again, my reasons being that

1. although Boris is hoping everything is to go back to normal on the 21st of June, I really don't think it will be all as plain sailing as that.
2. we would have a 3 month old baby at the point of the wedding date
3. we have some parts of the wedding paid and some parts that aren't, however money has been going on baby bits at the moment and I can't see that we would be able to put any money aside to pay the rest of the wedding vendors etc. (We would be able to borrow the money if needed to)
4. finishing off the planning, making the favours/stationery etc while being heavily pregnant/just given birth would be such chaos
5. but then also my dad has been battling cancer for the past 5/6 years and we don't know how long he has got Should I go ahead or just try and postpone again and just enjoy becoming a first time mum? Would my dad just be over the moon to see me with my first baby?

If you want to get married and your want your dad there, don’t postpone. Do it as soon as possible. I’ve never been married but if I did have a wedding I’d not be able to invite my parents even if I wanted to due to cancer. Regret is not worth it.

3 months old is a lovely time when they are very portable, you could keep the baby with you all day for feeding and not have to worry about it being passed round due to covid. They don’t need much equipment or stuff at that age.

Finish the planning now, cut anything faffy or that you can’t afford, concentrate on having a party with your child and your parents there. No one will remember the details afterward but you will always have that to look back on, no matter what covid or cancer does. Genuinely no one cares about favours (I’m not even sure what they are) or stationery. They care about the people.

are you aiming for a big formal wedding with all the trimmings? Or an informal family gathering? Do you have a family member who would want to care for the baby during the ceremony & dinner?

I think the options are
A - go for an informal wedding - no favours, no faff just a big family party and baby gets to be part of it all. Your family will love to meet up again after covid and see you & see each other, so no one cares about all the extra junk that wedding magazines try to sell you. Just keep it as simple as possible & get friends / family to help with things.

B - postpone.

I'd go for A.

Just do it, and trim away the faffy and expensive bits. Plan a day that suits a new mum, new dad, baby and their loved ones - whatever that might be.

We had originally planned to have a big wedding with all the trimmings, and was looking at 100 guests for the day.
The things already paid for are:
Church
Photographer
Dress
DJ
Flowers
The venue, cake and decorations (all booked and chosen, just need to pay the rest)
Things we need to look at/pay for:
Rings
Suits
Bridesmaid dresses
Transport
Hair/make up
Shoes
And bits and bobs that I can't think of right now.
Last year I had made all the invitations myself (took me weeks!). So I'm thinking I'd have to make some sort of invitation again this time round and the favours are like a little something to give to the guests as a thank you, and I was going to make these also.

Get married as planned, sack off the invitations (no one looks at them for more than a minute, so just print them off), don't do favours (waste of money), get the bridesmaids to wear dresses/outfits they love, get a taxi there, or ask someone to drive you, men wear their own suits, do your own makeup, maybe downscale the cake/cancel if its very expensive and get an M&S one.
It really doesn't have to be a lot of work, and I think an August wedding this year will just be so much love and joy

In your situation I would be getting married next week. Life is short, even shorter if you have a relative with a terminal illness.

So does everyone have invitations? If so, just ring round the guests and tell them to change the date on theirs to XXX.

Scrap the favours.

I didnt have bridesmaids so that's one saving we made - how many do you have?

Suits - DH to be can buy himself a new suit (suitable to use for job interviews/as a guest at future weddings etc). Ask fathers/ushers to wear their own suits and you supply matching ties to all. If they dont have a suit, see what to do but dont offer.

Hair and make up - do you all need a professional to do these? I'd rather do my own hair and make up, maybe you could just ask the BMs to wear their hair how they like and can do themselves.

Transport - how much are you envisaging needing?

Just do a register office and small do as soon as practicable and permitted. Very unlikely a big do with 100 will go ahead. Venues are likely to have to scale down capacity and getting things bought and organised in time difficult.

I got married when my baby was 3 months and although it wasnt super ideal, it was lovely having them there.

And there were loads of willing family happy to take over. I was breastfeeding but did bottles and pumped and dumped, so managed to a have a glass or two of champagne!

I was pretty exhausted so did leave early and baby was a good excuse! (Only person I know who left their own wedding early!)

We had a little guest house next to the venue.

Do whatever you need to do to have your dad there.
Rings you could get great quality ones online, ours were £350 for both and they're brilliant.
Bridesmaid dresses, go with a colour scheme rather than having everyone in the same dress, it'll be cheaper if they're a range of dress sizes that way, check quiz, house of fraser and second hand options.
Hold off on shoes and get some in the sale once baby is here, i m 4 months pp and my feet are a size bigger so it's risky getting them now.

As I say all the original plans were pre-covid, such as 100 guests for the day etc, and we had the venue and the cake cater for that many people. We decided in May last year to postpone for another year and didn't quite expect this covid to have still been going on tbh. With Boris saying about everything going back to normal on the 21st of June and that includes no cap on wedding guests etc, it looks promising that I wouldn't need to make any changes to our plans, however I can't see it going as straight forward as that.
With the invitation idea about ringing round that would be the most easier option but I doubt many of them still have the invites let alone know where they are, also with restrictions of covid changing all the time we don't know how many people would actually be allowed.
With transport we had originally planned for my MILs partner to take me as he had a really posh car and MIL was going to take OH, however MIL and her partner has since broken up so transport would be looking for just one car or something, for me and my dad to get to the wedding and then me and OH to get to venue.
Bridesmaids I only planned to have my sister and 2 younger nieces anyway and my sister was going to pay for her own, I told her the colour and said for her to choose her own style etc seeing as though there's only her and didn't expect her to wear same dress as 2 young nieces 😂
Hair and makeup was only going to be for me anyways

Original plans pre-covid and also was not expecting to become pregnant.

Honestly, 3 months old is probably the easiest time to get married in the next 3 years, so I'd trim any bits you can't afford (but also the baby as most of the stuff can be bought second hand or very economically) and get as much of the admin sorted before the baby comes, and enjoy your day.

If you're going to have a big wedding (or anything more than an intimate gathering where timings can be flexible), I wouldn't want to do it with a 3 month old. I would get married sooner with just close family and have a party later or I'd postpone the whole thing. I couldn't have put my 3 month olds down really and they wouldn't have tolerated anyone else and my bf one was still feeding every 1.5 hours, so a big day with lots of things planned would have been a waste. Also, really spending that much money when you have children probably isn't a priority anyway, if you aren't going to enjoy it.

I think I'd be inclined to do an intimate wedding now with your dad and close family and do a blessing later (like next year). Or make August just a small intimate informal affair, one where it won't matter if you're 30 minutes late to the ceremony because you were feeding the baby or where you can drift off early in the evening if your baby is unsettled and needs to go to bed.

You could do something like this, and incorporate your baby into what you do (though likely on the front at that age).

If you breastfeed, then by 3m, you'll be pretty experienced, and it's not likely to take that long. And everyone will know there might be a delay (perhaps have some flexibility in what happens during the ceremony in case you need to fill 15m at the start). Apart from vows, everything else, the baby can just feed as and when necessary, though it's probably in your interests to make sure the food is something you can manage one handed. The world isn't going to end if the speeches are 10m late because your husband is dealing with a nappy.

I got married when ds was 3 months. It was hard work and there are a lot of things I wouldn't bother with now, like making invites, favours, and making the table centre pieces. But ds was very much part of the day, and for a lot of the wider family it was their first chance to meet him. I knew I was pregnant when I chose my dress so deliberately picked a style that was forgiving on my post baby bump. And family pitched in loads on the day, including my mum and dad taking ds home overnight for us. So for us it worked out well, and he was a dream most of the day. He screamed all the way through the ceremony though!

Oh yes, the post-baby body! I still looked about 5 months pregnant at 3 months postpartum. Was still in maternity jeans... So maybe rethink the original dress, see if the shop can advise and if they can arrange a swap if needs be?

Oh, we got married August 2019, when DS was six weeks. I did end up getting an emergency dress but my original had fit like a glove without alterations so you've probably got a lot more leeway.

My sister took him for the ceremony, and my cousin minded him in the evening, caveat being he was a phenomenally chill baby and also had experience being passed round that yours won't.

I was breastfeeding but had pumped milk, enough bottles for the day and the venue kindly put a microwave in the dressing room for emergency sterilising for us. Took a couple of breaks to pump, built that into the day.

It's doable, but cut fancy invitations, favours anything that you don't absolutely need to do.

If you're going ahead, top tip:
Make sure whoever is looking after getting baby to the venue knows how to fold and unfold the pram. We have an amazing photo of my sisters, bridesmaids, mum, aunties, neighbour, assorted menfolk and the driver for the bridesmaids' car trying to fold the bastard thing.

Please don't delay, you never know what the future holds. My Dad and FIL were both at my wedding, unbeknownst to us all both had cancer and both had died within 13 months.

Three months is probably the ideal age. Your baby will be relatively settled, and whilst not perfectly in a routine, you'll have a fair idea of their schedule. They will probably we quite happy to nap in a pram, and not yet weaning or crawling.

Just bear in mind your dress may need of give.

In terms of things to pay for, there will be ways to save money or things you'll work out you don't need. Call in friends to help. Equally don't go OTT on what you need for the baby, especially in the early days. The perfect nursery image portrayed by shops is really not necessary.