How can I reassure my 5 year old?

[Perkyduck131]

DD started reception in sept after moving to a completely new area. Seemed to settle well, although many of the pupils already new each other.

Today she has come home distraught after a girl called her mean (it sounds like a standard 5 year old argument, playing a game and they both were refusing to share something or other). That’s not an issue in itself, but it then spiralled in her head into everyone hating her, no one ever wanting to play with her and her never wanting to go to school again. It seemed that after this incident, she then interpreted other children’s behaviour to fit the narrative that no one likes her (e’g someone knocked down her blocks and it was ‘definitely on purpose because they don’t like her’)

I know it’s the first week back and she’s probably overwhelmed and shattered, but how do I help her to not link this one minor issue to everyone hating her etc?

I guess in my head as well I’m even more over protective as I haven’t got the chance to actually see her interact with her peers at parties or playdates, so I don’t get reassurance that she’s actually ok and not sitting crying in a corner.

So if anyone had any advice on how to stop DD (and me!) catastrophising it would be much appreciated. She’s calmed down now after cuddles and a cupcake, so I don’t know whether to bring it up again, let it lie etc.

I have a four year old starting school this September and just thinking about what I would do. Definitely lots of cuddles and reassurance.

Maybe have a chat with the teacher, my friend was worried as her daughter would come home saying she had no friends, but on speaking with the teacher she found she actually had a lovely little friendship with another girl.

Talking about all the things your daughter is good at or what makes her a good friend and may also be a confidence boost.

It’s heartbreaking though isn’t it, wishing you all the best

Thanks so much for responding. School are great so will definitely speak to the teacher. We asked at parent’s evening if she was struggling with friendships and they said she has lots of friends and seems happy, but whenever we see a classmate on the way in she barely speaks to them! So good to know your friend had a similar experience.
It’s so tough, especially in lockdown. I’m hoping that tomorrow it will be ok, just don’t want her to get into a habit of jumping to conclusions based on one event, will definitely need to stock up on the wine if that’s the case!

My son reacts similarly when there are fairly minor issues with children at school. He takes everything deeply personally even when there are fairly small disagreements of incidents that most other children, like my daughter, would immediately forget.

In these types of situation I found it helpful to help my son reframe incidences as things that happen rather than seeing it as a negative about himself. For example saying that maybe some of her class mates are waiting for her to ask them to play because they’re too shy and maybe they’d be really happy if she asked them to play with her. Or highlighting that the girl probably called her mean because she was angry and upset because she wanted the toy, and that although calling a name is not ok maybe this girl hasn’t learn how to manage feeling angry in an ok way yet.

I don’t think I’d mention it again unless she does or it is obvious she is worrying about it. Maybe if she comes home happier tomorrow you could reflect with her about how although that thing happened today, things moved on and she was able to have a good day today.

Sorry @AIMD completely missed this! Thanks for the advice- that’s really useful re the re framing - I did explain that people have been at home for a long time and it’s going to take a while to get used to sharing and compromising again.
She seems happier this week and school had a chat with her and told her that she should let them know if she needs help with a friendship issue.
That’s a great point about ‘moving on’ as well- think we definitely need to encourage her to be a bit more resilient so praising that would be a great start. Good to hear I’m not the only one with a sensitive little soul!