Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

2.5 year old's challenging behaviour and anxiety

6 replies

Wheelio · 09/03/2021 14:35

New single Mum here. I have 2 DCs, 2.5 and 5. DH is hands on but I have more time with DCs on my own and 6 overnights.
Today and yesterday my anxiety has hit another level and my toddler's behaviour has sent my anxiety sky rocketing.
He isn't sleeping well, so obviously, I'm not and he has so far this week, refused to get in the pushchair for the school run, which means physically pushing him into the pushchair so to be there on time, also with him screaming all the way there.
The school run is uphill on the way there and he's clearly gained more weight since the last lockdown so I'm absolutely exhausted physically pushing him uphill twice a day also.
This morning, I decided to see if he would walk some of the way but this resulted in him screaming and rolling around on the pavement as he refused to walk and refused the pushchair.
He then spends his time hitting his sister when she gets home from school and screams over her if she tries to tell me about her day at the table. He's throwing food on the floor, refuses to eat his dinner and has begun hitting me also.
I dread another parent trying to talk to me on the school run as he will always start to cry and misbehave. I keep my head down and get there and back as quickly as possible! I long for a good night's sleep to give me more energy for him during the day but he wakes for cuddles and takes a while to drop off again. I play with him and take him to parks, but today, I've just wanted to hide under a duvet. His behaviour has always been challenging and has not been caused by the recent separation from DH. But, as I'm dealing with this on my own now a lot of the time, I feel highly anxious, on edge and even panicky a lot of the time.
Mornings, I panic that DC will be late for school because he refuses to do anything I ask and wants to stay at home watching CBeebies, not being dragged along for the school run.
He is a loving child, very intelligent and attends nursery 1.5 days a week (they just tell me he's very clever and haven't raised any concerns).
How can I handle him and his behaviour without feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Aussieadopter · 12/03/2021 22:57

Is there something special you can do on the school run so he looks forward to it? Eg both DC get a chocolate when older DC goes into school, or you take him to a playground on the way home from school run? And does the school do a "walking bus" that your older one can join in on so you don't have to do a school run at all or just a shorter one?

Aussieadopter · 12/03/2021 22:59

Walking bus info: www.yourmove.org.au/resources/how-to-start-a-walking-school-bus/

Mischance · 12/03/2021 23:23

The trick with children of this age is to be one jump ahead! If you know something is going to pull their chain, get in with the solution before it happens!

"I am just getting a biscuit to keep you going when we are out - just pop in the pushchair please and I will go and fetch it." [I know, I know it is bribery by another name, but it works! You know he is going to have a melt down about it so do what you need to do to stop it before it happens. Before is the important word here!]

Build in incentives. "I am going to see how far I can push you up this hill before I start to puff and pant. I bet you couldn't do it!" Or - forget trying to get him to walk it at the moment - minimizing the possibilities of meltdown could be the way to go.

He was probably hitting his sister because he was overwrought about the things that had happened when you were out with him. Once a child of this age gets in a state it can spill over into lots of bad behaviour that seems unrelated to what triggered it.

Unfortunately children, even very small ones, do pick up in anxiety so you may be getting into a vicious circle here.

Might it help to write down the things that trigger his meltdowns? That way you can have strategies ready to try and prevent them happening. It will help you to feel more in control - feeling out of control is very anxiety-provoking; and basically the more your child feels you are in control the more he will feel secure, which has to be a good thing as it might reduce the bad behaviour.

One example from my own life is that one DD used to be a total pain in the supermarket - but the solution was to tell her that when all the shopping is finished and if she has been good she can have a ride on the sit-on deer that was at the exit.

Basically his behaviour is entirely normal, so do not worry on that score. And everything I have suggested is very easy for me to say when I am not in the middle of it! - I do understand that. But I have been there and know how it feels; and have had more than a bit of practice! - in getting it right and in getting it wrong! I hope that some of these ideas will feel helpful.

I know that some people will feel the element of bribery is unacceptable; but another way of looking at it is that you are giving the child the chance to behave well and the opportunity for you to then be able to give out a bit of praise - often a rare opportunity with a toddler!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Wheelio · 13/03/2021 09:27

Wow I've never heard of the walking school bus before! Will look into that.

Thankyou for the suggestions. As a general rule, I try not to bribe with sugary snacks (I'm a type 2 diabetic in remission so I'm a little anti-sugar). But I could definitely look at bribing him in other ways.

I'm also hoping to find a solution for the post-school TV squabbles. DC1 wants to watch an older kid programme when she gets home, but DC2 wants the TV to himself as he's always tired around 3.30 until bed time (doesn't nap anymore). I explain to him that it's DC1s turn to watch TV and he basically then hits her until she disappears upstairs to watch TV in my room. Doesn't seem particularly fair and DC2 is getting his own way. Spoke to the health visitor who just wants us all to understand that he's learning how to express himself 🙄. Which doesn't change the fact that DC1 is having to sit upstairs by herself when it's her who's being attacked by him.
I need them both to be occupied somehow whilst I make dinner. I've resorted to using the slow cooker for ease (trying to follow a HelloFresh recipe was a definite no-no!) But even just needing 20 minutes to prepare a salad or some vegetables is a nightmare. Attempting doing homework with DC1 before or after meal time is a disaster!

I recently removed his dummy during the day time which hasn't helped matters as he does well without it during the day and then come 4pm he's delirious for it.

Naps are out of the question as he won't go to sleep until 9.30pm if he has one!

Feel like I'm in a circus.

He has a reward chart which helps, but I could definitely make more use of it.

OP posts:
Mischance · 13/03/2021 11:46

Give him his dummy in the evening - tell him it is 4 o'clock so he can have his dummy then. You can show him the clock. Gradually put the time back a bit over the next year.

Really - he is a very very small person - a couple of years ago he did not exist. The world is an alien place to him - he needs all the comfort he can get. Better he has the dummy and you are calmer so he can feel more secure.

He will not be sucking his dummy when he is 16! There really is no rush at all.

Wheelio · 13/03/2021 12:45

Thank you for putting it like that @mischance

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page