Would you let 9 year old DS try make-up?

[Melae]

NC for this.

My 9 year old son has started to say he is gay around a month ago, we have chatted about it and ive said its not an issue if he is and he can be whoever he is and I don't mind, Ill support him. I explained he's young and his feelings may change but he knows how he feels and its fine whatever he feels.

He does have ADHD is very impulsive and will do and say lots of things so it can be hard to tell with him as he seems to obsess over things and then move on regularly.

He has now asked if he can use his birthday money to buy expensive make up he has seen youtuber James Charles using as he wants to try and do his make up. I have said no to buying them as its a lot of money and he has never done make up before. That would be answer if I had a DD who was 9 asking me so I explained I'm saying that based on his age not because he is a boy. He wanted to buy £100 worth of Vbucks for fortnite last week so this isnt something he has been longing for, just seems to be over the last couple of days.

He has asked if he can use my make up at the weekend to practice and try out some make up James Charles has done. I have said he can use it at home on the weekend but not to school or out and about. He can play around and try looks but I don't feel he is old enough to wear make up as a regular thing. I also said that other children can be cruel and unfortunately that is something that could make him a target for bullying and I worry about that for him.

He was fine with that and I was happy to have a proper conversation with him to be honest as it rarely happens as he just jumps around and goes off track usually and we loose what we were talking about.

I have spoken to a friend this evening and she thinks its not something I should be encouraging at his age and she would have said he's too young right now and we can think about it in a couple of years.

It was something we spoke about on the spot not something I prepared for but I don't feel playing around with make up in the house is that much of a massive deal even if it isn't what most 9 year old boys are doing. My friends with DD have been playing around with make up indoors for a couple of years and I don't want to make it into a big deal. It could just be a 5 minute wonder like alot of the things he wants.

I wondered what you would do in the scenario is obviously too late as ive already agreed but I'm now worried ive said the wrong thing and should have asked him to wait a little longer. It isn't something I said lightly as I am worried about bullying but I honestly don't care about it for any other reason as I do just want him to be happy in his own skin and the ADHD makes it tricky enough for him.

I don’t consider playing with make up indoors as a big deal. It’s no difference to face paint. I think you’re doing a good job not making a big deal about things while still letting him express himself.

I think you’ve made a really good decision and have explained your reasons to him. Like you say, you’d give the same response to a daughter. Ignore your friend. Well done on being so supportive of your son

I didnt let my 9 year old daughter wear makeup outside the house so I agree indoors only but why not buy him a cheap pallette? My area has a market that you could spend about a tenner on all things bright and beautiful and just have fun with it all

get some cheap stuff and let him mess round to his hearts content.

I would stress however, that wearing makeup does not make him gay (or a girl). He should wear make up because he likes it, whatever his sexuality.

Normal rules should be followed- presumably school has a no make up rule for girls as well as boys.

I’d spend a happy few hours going through pictures of 80’s idols like adam ant, duran duran, marilyn, culture club etc. Lots of gorgeous men in make up, both gay and straight.

Phewww thank you all I was working myself up over this. We had always planned to go to the shopping centre when it opens to spend his birthday money as we make abit of a day of it so I did say that he can get some cheaper make up there if thats what he wants but I didnt want to start ordering expensive pallettes online with it as its too much to spend on make up at 9.

@bluebluezoo I know, sorry my thought process between the two was completely in my OP. I explained today that he doesn't need to fit in with a stereotype of 'being gay' if that's what he is trying to do. The conversation had initially started around 'when he will get a gay accent as they speak differently' and what sort of activities gay people do as they like girly things rather than boy things.

I explained being gay doesn't mean that he needs to try and tick boxes on how he believes a gay person acts, he can still like all the things he likes and speak how he speaks and be gay. He is thinking of a stereotype but that's not real life and people do things because they enjoy it not because they are gay. So he can still play football and be gay or wear make up and be straight, those aren't the things that define that. He can make decisions based on what he enjoys not because he thinks he is gay... just do whatever makes him happy.

I did realise after posting without that backstory thy gay aspect was pretty irrelevant to putting on make-up.

* was completely missed in my OP... that should say

Definitely let him that’s fine. But I’d buy some make up of his own rather than let him potentially mess up yours! Make up revolution at Superdrug is a good option

Would you let your DD wear make up at 9? If yes, then let him. If no, then don't.

Why are you letting him watch James Charles? The whole point of YouTube "gurus" is to sell things to impressionable people.

100% I would either let him buy you're make up or buy him some cheap stuff he can use indoors.

I think these days it is frowned upon for boys to do "girl" things like play with barbies, wear make up, dress up etc. Same goes for girls playing with racing cars etc.

I think if a child is happy playing with whatever toy or whatever then go ahead and let them do it, it isn't causing any harm and the world is so stereotypical these days.

Social media has a lot to answer for.

Go ahead and let him use the make up and don't bother with what anyone else advises you, he's you're child and it's completely you're decision

I know, sorry my thought process between the two was completely in my OP. I explained today that he doesn't need to fit in with a stereotype of 'being gay' if that's what he is trying to do. The conversation had initially started around 'when he will get a gay accent as they speak differently' and what sort of activities gay people do as they like girly things rather than boy things

With him being so young, this makes me think that he likes the idea of make up, as many young girls do. Boys too probably, if it wasn’t socially unacceptable. Is he thinking that because he likes make up he must be gay? Presumably pretty much 99.9% of the male make up youtubers are gay or trans? And over exaggeratedly so at that.

You’re doing the right thing removing the gay/make up link. Diversify his role models away from youtube as much as possible. Straight men can be make up artists, hairdressers etc, and in fact many of the “top” ones are male.

Oh to be back in the 80’s where a straight male in eyeliner was entirely normal (and bloody gorgeous!)