Does anyone else find it so tough?

[rainbows724]

I’m a first time mum and since having my baby, I’m finding it so hard to cope with how little free time I have.

I’m constantly struggling to keep on top of the housework (the house seems to look like a bomb has hit it most of the time), batch-cooking meals for the baby from scratch, non-stop washing up and laundry and keeping the baby entertained and spending quality time with him. I’m also working part time when the baby naps and at night - although this is proving harder than normal right now as he seems to be going through some sort of sleep regression.

Friends have totally fallen by the wayside as I’ve just not had a chance to respond to people’s messages for weeks.

I don’t have any time for self care - my skin is dry, my hair is hideous, I never wear make-up, barely any of my clothes actually fit and I feel like a slob most of the time. I know it doesn’t matter in a way as with lockdown I’m not seeing anyone anyway (apart from DH), but it does affect my mood.

I know loads of people have it FAR harder than me (those with more than one child for starters) but I’m finding it all such a relentless grind.

I look back at my old life, when I thought I was so busy, and I can’t actually believe I felt like that, it’s almost laughable.

Has anyone got any advice?

Op i just read your post about working during naps and at night. I did this too and it is extremely draining. Do you absolutely need to? Can you shift any of it to weekends when your partner can look after baby? I had a big problem when DC stopped napping.

Yes I do need to work unfortunately - you’re right, it is so draining trying to fit it in around the baby! He’s nowhere near ready to go to nursery in my opinion (not that we could afford it anyway!) so I’m not sure what else to do.

But how will you continue working like this as he drops his naps and stays up longer? I think you might have to rethink the logistics of this for your own sake.
And do you have a partner? What does he do??
He could batch cook on weekends. Take the baby out so you could work.
He could come home, put away laundry, do the dishwasher, and/or do bedtime.
Looking after a small baby is a full time job. Plus you have another job. I bet your actual working hours are longer than your partner’s.
So I don’t see why the housework should all fall to you.

You are not alone and it sounds like you're actually doing really well. It's a huge and horrible shock isn't it. But it will get better! It just takes longer than I could have imagined. Accept every bit of help you are offered and if you can pay for anything that will help ease things, do it!

How old is your baby OP? I found it suddenly got easier when mine got to 18m and started entertaining himself for longer periods to allow me to cook a quick meal (not always easy! But i can normally do the chopping part) and do the washing. He now loves “helping” with the cleaning so we can get the hoovering done and he loves copying me dust or trailing after me with a duster. It’s harder when they’re tiny.

Also - for baby no.2 being aware of this pattern I plan to get a cleaner for that interim period after baby’s arrival and probably until I go back to work. The housework seems so consuming when you’re on mat leave.

It is hard! You're not alone. But I think it's easy to feel like it'll be this way forever when you're in the moment but they are only babies/children for such a short time in the grand scheme of things! I am not saying that in order to tell you you should be enjoying every minute (because you don't have to enjoy every minute! Some of it is f*cking HARD!) but rather to just tell you to hang on in there because there will come a time where you get your life back.
Slowly over time they will need us less and less and we will get that time to ourselves again.

So just see this time as only a chapter in a book and there are many many more chapters

And this chapter just happens to involve a less than perfect house but that's ok because the jobs will all still be there when you suddenly find you have more spare time

Does your DH do his fair share? Your OP reads as if you are a single parent.

The days feel like a lifetime, but the years zoom by incredibly fast. I have 4 DC, and yes it does sometimes feel relentless in the formative years but it does get easier ( in some ways!).

My house is constantly dusty. You need to learn to lower your expectations with such a young baby. Look after yourself and your baby first. Your house can wait, honestly.

It is relentless and I think the first year is the hardest while you adjust but past one I think you get more back and that makes it a lot more fun; it’s still hard work but I definitely found it better. I’ve got a nearly 4 year old and just turned 1 year old and I can see in my older child how it’ll be in a couple of years.
Also add in lockdown where there’s nothing to do and it’s so much harder compared to when you can actually go out and do things.

My DD1 is 3.5 and DD2 is nearly 7 months. To be honest I sort of forgot how relentless the baby stage is - milk, food, mess, nappies, teething, frustration etc. Its also pretty boring compared to the fun toddler & preschool ages.

I really loved (and still love!) 18m+ with DD1. I found it so, so much easier when she could walk, and then talk, and when she could get involved more with day to day stuff.

DD2 is the sweetest little thing, but my god its full on!

I hear you! It really is relentless, nothing prepares you for how every single second of your life revolves around your child. My friend recently took my toddler for the day so I could have a rest, and I ran some errands, ate biscuits, read a book, etc. I ended up crying at the end of the day as I realised people without kids get days like that all the time and I was totally gutted.

I work full time so DS has been at a childminder since 9 months old. I've never wanted him to go to a nursery and I like how the childminder takes him for lots of days out and has formed a lovely bond with him. He is age 2 now and still loves it. Could a childminder be an option for you? I think it's a nicer environment to leave them in when they're small.

Also OP don't forget that you've had your baby in the world's dreariest ever year- that makes a massive difference. Before lockdown, it was still hard having little kids- but things like day trips, dinner out now and then, holidays to plan etc made the drudgery bearable. Now it's just drudgery- but it won't always be like this

I’m on baby 2 (I was supposed to stop at one) & I live in a complete midden. I have two pairs of trousers that I alternate between & no money. I spend a lot of time crawling around on the floor, for various reasons (picking up toys/food/shoes.) My husband, meanwhile, holds down a professional full time job & dresses in a suit. He has real adults to speak to in the day & can hold a conversation that doesn’t involve “nappy,” “yuk” or “mr tumble.”

What makes it worse the second time round is that you consciously chose it, knowing full well what the realities of motherhood are!!!!!!

All joking aside it is about accepting where you are & lowering your expectations of yourself. Don’t try to do much apart from cuddle the baby & show him lots of snuggles & affection. Nothing else really matters & it passes in a flash, believe me. You’ve got years ahead of you to do the housework. It’ll wait.