Feeling so overwhelmed

[SaraJS216]

I have a 9 month old DD and I've been a single mother to her since birth.
I'm feeling so down and overwhelmed today that I'm just not going enough job for her.
Money is really tight which is often on my mind - she doesn't go without anything but it just feels a constant battle to afford things.
Her sleep seems to have taken a bad turn over the last few weeks, inconsistent naps and 5am wake ups - I've tried hard to instil good sleeping habits and I'm not sure where I've gone wrong.
I'm worried about her feeding, I know she should drop a bottle soon but I'm anxious this will make her sleep worse. I also get stressed about giving her finger foods as I've had a few episodes where she's gagged to the point I've had to get her out of the high chair to do back slaps (not giving her anything unsuitable, the last time was from her biting off too big a piece of rusk).
On top of all that I feel bad leaving her to her own devices when I need to get on with housework/making her food etc,
I'm due to return to work part time soon (DD going to Nan'e and nursery) and the thought of balancing it all when I'm even struggling now when I supposedly have all the time in the world is terrifying.

I don't know what I'm after and sorry for the rant, I just feel at breaking point today.

I did housework with her pootling about behind me in a Walker on wheels. She was using her feet to propel herself. I used stairgates too. Your little one may be teething so wakes early. I know what you mean about risks or any choking hazard. I just avoided that stuff or blended in fruit so she still got carbs. Lockdown will be over soon. And you will be able to access free stuff to do outdoors with her. Finances are hard when you have small ones. I bought tracksuits in different colours for mine to wear. She was happy until 8 or 9 years old then wanted high street stuff. Which I bought. It only lasts maybe 3 years. Out of nappies, and different probs then. Hang on. Enjoy time with her, it goes so quickly

Meant rusks

Everything you've mentioned is everything I've experienced as a mum, now to older children. All completely normal. I know I'm a very good mum and you sound as if you're a lovely mum too! It's a relentless struggle for all of us I think. I don't think any mum escapes all that you've mentioned, no matter what they like to pretend on social media.

You'll find lots of advice here, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and you're not going anything wrong. Nothing about parenting is perfect, you just have to muddle through.

The fact that you are worrying about her shows how conscientious you are and what a good mother you are. The first year or two is so incredibly hard, so much harder if you are single. I think all single mothers should get a medal personally.

You ARE enough. You are exactly what she wants. It does get easier, I promise you. When it gets really tough, put the music on and dance with her. This helped me so many times!

Part of parenting seems to be endless guilt that we are not doing enough. I once heard the first year of parenting described as being thrown in the deep end of the swimming pool when you can't swim.

Do you belong to a toddler group where you can chat to other mums in the same position? It can really help to have someone to offload to on the phone when things get tough. x

The fact you’re worrying about being good enough says it all. You are all she wants and it must be so hard doing everything alone. But you sound like you’re doing a fantastic job.
Remember good enough is good enough. Nothing has to be perfect. Take any help that is offered and make sure you have some time to yourself. Your well-being is important too.
Look after yourself OP

Thank you so much for your lovely replies and advice, they've made me cry (not in a bad way!). It's so reassuring to know others have felt the same. Luckily I have a supportive mum and get a break every now and again. DD is everything to me and I just want to do the best for her.

You have my sympathies. It is incredibly hard. I think it will be easier once you are back at work though, not harder. You don't have "all the time in the world" at the moment; you are in sole charge of a baby and that is mentally, emotionally and physically draining.

Getting back to work will give you some balance.

Good luck

I couldn't agree more with SnakeRabbitMouse.

Sleep can often be up and down when they are little and just when you think it's nailed, something else disrupts and it's off we go again.
It is not about you doing anything wrong, you are absolutely enough for them, love and care, which it's obvious you do as you are here asking for help.

It can be tough, Give them a pan and a spoon while you do the dishes, a playpen might be good so they are safe while you are doing your chores, although having them just play in the same room with a little music on is great.

You are doing good, but please be kind to yourself