I feel like I'm never going to enjoy my kids again

[ijokeijoke]

I am so defeated and fed up. My kids are 1 and 4, so the 4 year old goes back to school on Monday. But I'm not going to get a break from my DS who just cries at me all day. And he will miss his sister who he normally plays with so it's going to be even harder.

I feel like I am never going to be able to enjoy my time with them again. Like this year has just destroyed everything and it's never coming back.

I don't even know why I'm posting. No one can say anything. But my DP doesn't listen and none of my friends have had kids throughout lockdown

💐 🍷 🍫

This last year has been the hardest to parent in. Your 4 year old will love being back at school, and once you can access more playgroups and social stuff for your 1 year old things may change and the whinge may decrease. 1 is tough without those social distractions for you both and it’s been such a a long hard winter.

Plan some self care if you can, and you absolutely do not have to cherish every moment! xxx

@goodenoughmum88 thank you for your kind message, love your username!

You will certainly enjoy it them again , don't worry about that, focus on helping yourself to lift your mood and spirits. I am FTM to my 8month old and this year has been so far from what I imagined , but parents of multiple children have another level of challenge so props to you! My LO is also on the constant whinge for the last few weeks it's driving me absolutely nuts and extremely fed up , I just try to keep telling myself the whinging will pass, the weather will get better, lockdown will be a thing of the past. Hang in there you are doing a grand job of looking after your kids, as pp said get some self care time if you can even if it's just one hour for a soak in the bath.

You defo will. They are hard ages but things get much easier. My kids are 8, 11 and 16 now and are honestly a dream.

I completely empathise.
Mine are 1 & 5 and although I love them immeasurably they are hard work and this year has been so draining.
I want to enjoy time with them instead of enduring it but sometimes it unfortunately feels like the latter.

You will. Your 4 year old will get a lot out of being at school - and you’ll have a bit more time to sort out the 1 year old. And in the longer term? Everything gets easier from here; having two preschoolers is hard work, but it gets better as they become that bit more independent. Lockdown is especially hard on the youngest kids; please don’t be too hard on yourself.

Almost 3 year old & 18 month old here. The days are long & hard. I keep thinking I'm a shit parent as I can't entertain them both easily & at least one is always unhappy. They are not interested in crafts or even playing with me properly, they'd much rather destroy the house & watch telly.

I long for soft plays & play dates with friends & it being legal to have the family in the house again to help out sometimes. I'm wishing the days away until lockdown eases. I hope I can enjoy days alone with them in the house again because at the moment I hate it & it's unrealistic to think we will he out all the time when this does end.

You're not alone. Hugs.

Thank you all for your kind replies

It is really hard at the moment OP. I have 3 DCs 10, 7 and 3.

I feel very sad that my 3 year old has been in Covid times for a third of her life. I feel bad that the situation we are all in means thar I have not given her the time and attention I was able to give the others. She is demanding and angry a lot of the time and although I know she is not trying to hurt me, I feel I often have nothing left to give her.

I have found that gratitude journaling has helped. I do it with a couple of friends in a WhatsApp group. Each day we write 1-3 good things about the day. It can be really small things or big ones.

It means I have a record of those lovely little moments to look back at when all I remember is the hard ones. Having it in the back of my mjnd that I need to make my entry also helps me see things in a different light, trying to see the positives as well as the negatives.

Most of all, be kind to yourself. You are doing your best and I promise it is more than enough.

Gratitude journal is a great idea. Thank you

You will be OK, I know it’s hard to see at the moment, but you will be. Mine are all school age but they are totally fed up of me, of home schooling, of staying at home, I suspect your oldest feels the same. You’ll be able to do toddler things with your toddler instead of being tied to the computers and school books several hours a day. A break from your oldest gives you a chance to miss them and they will come home full of the things they did and more tired. Importantly I think the rhythm of the days will return and you can start to settle back int it a little. Does your youngest have childcare? Do you go to work?

On a day when you have energy or when the kids do, ask them for ideas to put in the box, write them down fold them up and put them in. When you are struggling for ideas, motivation, energy, or want to reward them you can get an f the box and do it. Might be a bit behind your 1 year old yet but you can do it for yourself. We have a things to do jar which has been well used. Every time they ask if we can do something and we don’t have the time or motivation I ask them to write it and put it in the jar. Then when they are bored, whiny, we pull something out. It works OK - and you can fill it up with things too for the days when it is hard.

Bless you, we’ll all get there!

Think of it like this between 9-3 you will have 1/3 of the stress. No homeschooling and no four year old to look after.

It will just be you and the baby.

If you can give him one on one time there will be less winging, you’ll be excited to get the four year old and the four year old will enjoy seeing you both after having been around his friends all day.

We’re in the last weeks of being stuck in the house so you’ll soon be able to take the baby to play groups, to see friends and family etc.

You’ve done the hardest bit, just hang in there! Give it another month and this will be a distant nightmare!

Your 4 year old will be in better form when back in the school routine, with friends to play with and learning to occupy her.

The weather will get better, and then you and your 1YO can be outside wandering around and meeting friends. Go to some parks you haven't been in a while, bring snacks, have a good chat.

The secret to enjoying children IMO is not to be in each other's faces 24 hours a day. See other people, have fun, and the enjoyment will return.

Great idea about writing things down and putting them in a box!

Thanks everyone. Just feel really anxious about covid as well so the thought of taking my DS out and about when she is at school is quite a lot at the moment. But I'm sure I will