Help- Still bf my 22 month old!

[curlyrebel]

My 22 mo DS absolutely refuses to stop breastfeeding and I am so done with it. He does not drink cows milk from a bottle or cup, or not enough anyway.

I'm WFH and he is not in nursery (looked after by my DH or DM in the day). If I was in the office it would have been easier to stop this. But currently he demands feeds around 4 times during the day (from wake up to bedtime) and will get up at least twice a night and want a feed.

In the day time I can sometimes distract him but if he really wants a feed there is nothing I can do but give it. At night time I do try and refuse him. He will cry for a bit and then fall back asleep. But he wants me close during the night and it's rare for me to not be disturbed and sleep through the whole night. I'm kind of used to it now. I get more sleep when I do bf but it would be great if he didn't wake at all!

I feel all touched out now and hate the idea of this continuing beyond the age of 2. I know it's good for his health but it doesn't feel like it is for me! I think the only way he will stop is cold turkey. I need to get away for a weekend but that's not going to happen until lockdown is over!

If anyone is going through similar with their toddler or has any advice please do reply.

Hi @curlyrebel I went through a very similar thing with my little one. She is now in nursery but we stopped during the first lockdown when she was 20 months old. She was easily distracted during the day but night
Time was a big issue. Very similar to your situation, waking up several times in the night and I gave in because it was the best way for us all to get some sleep.

So how did we stop? WELL we tried loads of things but the only thing that worked was cold turkey and my Dh had to get involved. The first night was awful she cried and cried until my dh took her downstairs (away from me because it was just upsetting her more that I was there and not bf), and he put on her favourite show on the tv. This was at about 2am and she eventually fell back asleep at 5am. The next night she tried to feed a couple of times and got a bit upset but nothing like the night before. And that was it! Overall took two days and now she's content with a cuddle at nighttime.

For day time drinks, we also bought her some snazzy new straw bottles and the novelty distracted her away from the boob!

It is really tough but in our case it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. I hope this helps! If anything just to let you know that you're not alone

I would stop feeds apart from night feed. Then after a week stop night feed. Or else just stop altogether. If you don't want to it's time to stop. Fair enough to keep going with a tiny baby but it isn't necessary now. I knew somebody whose child kicked up an almighty fuss when she tried to stop but she was exhausted with it. It has to be done.

Thanks @Ktd88 and @Viviennemary. I agree cold turkey is the only way. DH works nights so it's tricky but I should get him to help me out on this when he's home. He's of the opinion that DS will stop by 2, as if by magic!

Maybe I can go stay at my mums for a couple of nights when I can and leave DH to it.

Ive given him different cups/juices/drinking bottles and none have helped unfortunately...he really is a stubborn one!

I think it also affects my relationship with him because whenever he sees me he starts crying for me and I just lose any empathy for how he's feeling. So yeh, has to stop soon.

I bf till 22 months, started with no feeds during day. I wore bras, tops etc that had no easy access for bf so I couldn’t give in. He wasn’t so keen on milk so offered water, eats plenty of cheese/yoghurts etc so wasn’t overly bothered. Then when we cracked the day we went for the night and my husband put him to bed for a week so we could break the habit, he didn’t wake during night. Then he just stopped and wasn’t interested at all!

I breastfeed my Dd until she was 2. I had in my head this is the aroundbout age I wanted to stop. I gradually stopped the day feeds, she was fine with this easily distracted. Over the span of 2 months I stopped all but the first feed, then reduced how long I fed her at night, then down to one breast, short feed then nothing. First night of no feeding she cried for about 20 minutes and has not bothered since. Sleep still isn't always great, she still has to be touching me to drop off, but she sleeps most of the night now in her bed.

I had to stop feeding dd 10 days before she turned 2 as I needed to take medicine which wasn't compatible with breast feeding. I did actually tell her I couldn't feed her anymore, whether she understood on any level who knows.

2 days were not fun and I felt so guilty but by day 3 it was like she had completely forgotten about feeding and never asked again.

He doesn’t need to drink milk. He needs 350 mg of calcium a day - he can get this from cheese, yoghurts, most 50/50 bread is fortified with it, the cereal with a bear on the front ( sorry for crap description) is also forfeited with calcium.

My dietitian (for allergy) suggests making hot chocolate, milk puddings like rice pudding and custard.

Six times a day is still rather a lot to go cold turkey from your perspective, so just be careful you don’t end up with mastitis or something if you do try dropping all the feeds at once.

There’s a book called Nursies when the Sunshine’s which is for night weaning. Might help you if you decide to drop night feeds first.

Tricky with DH working nights but I absolutely think you need someone who is not you and who cannot breastfeed to help. Can he book a two nights off and you try to crack it together?

Congratulations on getting to 22 months. That’s quiet an achievement.

Why don't you do the timed approach instead of cold turkey?

I'm night weaning my 25 months old who is also a boob monster abs apart from the first feed on the morning the day time ones are timed for about two mins.

Thanks for all your replies. It's helpful to know that the little ones can adjust fairly easily and quickly.

@FizzingWhizzbee123 that's a good point about going cold turkey. Dropping night feeds first is a good idea and I like the sound of that book to help DS to understand first.
Yes I definitely need DH on board with this. He has nights off that we can work with.

@sweetpotatopie12 So the timed approach is when you gradually reduce the times of the feeds? I have stopped trying to take him off now because he will clamp down with his teeth if he wants to stay on and that's no fun .

@Thatwentbadly I didn't realise 50/50 bread was fortified with calcium. He has at least one slice a day so he most probably is getting his allowance then!
Ha, not sure what cereal that is but he has been eating porridge lately. I'll stop worrying that he will be worse off when I wean him in that case .

I'll second not going cold turkey.

Unfortunately as well you might end up in a vicious cycle of him becoming more clingy and you still feeling touched out.

They often feed for emotional comfort at that age and will need something to replace that otherwise they'll become more emotionally demanding. I tried switching it up so sometimes I'd feed sometimes a cuddle & song or some kind of distraction, which did help.

I stopped when DS was 3 & DDs were both 2 and all I did a gradual withdrawal.

I can empathise with the touched out, I used to feel that a lot.

I came on here to write almost exactly this post, @curlyrebel. DD is 21 months and a comfort feeder. I am completely touched out.
She ends up in our bed - and therefore attached to me - from about 3am every night, and it’s shredding me. She’s howling for a feed by the time she gets in from nursery. I can sometimes distract her for a short while after nursery but never more than 30mins or so.
If we were in normal times I’d go and stay somewhere for a couple of days in the hope she’ll go off it, but I have no idea how to go cold turkey in a lockdown.
I hope this isn’t highjacking your thread but I’d be very grateful for any suggestions!

I wouldn't go cold turkey and I also don't think I would do it by absenting myself as it feels a bit of a double whammy for the baby to lose the bf and the comfort of being close to you.

By the time I stopped BF DD at 23m she was just having an early morning feed and a bedtime feed. I talked to her about stopping BF from around 4 weeks before I actually did it. I just mentioned it casually every few days. And I bought her an appealing cup for her bedtime milk and told her that stopping BF would mean using the nice cup for a drink and that there would be time for 2 bedtime stories instead of one.

So basically bribery plus forewarning!

I was very lucky that DD didn't put up a fight at all on the day we actually stopped. I think I felt more emotional about it than she did!

@Sickoffamilydrama I see what you’re saying but I’ve been trying gradual withdrawal for a while and it still feels like I’m a long way off him ever completely stopping.
@Tulipmonster your situation sounds similar to mine. It’s good to get a bit of a respite whilst your DD is at nursery but full on when home and at night. It’s that feeling that your body belongs to your child and they can just grab you at any time that I hate. Hopefully you will get some suggestions from this thread too.
@INeedNewShoes it sounds like a good idea to talk to them first. They do understand more than we think they do at this age. I’ve tried giving him drinks in a nice cup but I’m not sure if it makes much difference to his wanting feeds. I’ll keep and eye on it and see, thanks.

I totally understand about being touched out, my ds was older, 3 and a half, so I just told him it was stopping and stopped, it was not near as hard as I had anticipated.

'Loving comfort A toddler weaning story' was a great help for weaning with DS- he stopped in the day by himself and then we read this a lot, talked about it, offered cuddles first etc, shorter and shorter feeds. When we stopped, there were not tears and he didn't ask after 3 nights. It doesn't have to involve tears.
That was at 21 mo

@Moirarose2021 I don't think I could make it to 3 and a half. Well done to you! I guess if they're ready to stop it will make it easier.
@Harrysmummy246 Thanks for the book recommendation. I do like the idea of this gentle approach.

Just been think thinking about this whilst my DS 4 and I are both laying on the couch watching a nature program of course he's on my lap 🤣

Sometimes it drives me up the wall but I've noticed that if I do things to care for myself that are just for me. For example today I put some dance videos on and danced in the living room badly to footloose. Other times it's going for a walk or having a shower in peace all help top me up.

Doing some more self care might help you while you transition.

Just catching up with this thread. I have 25 month old milk monster, but only at night. Weaning during the day was an absolute walk in the park around 15 months. Any attempts to delay night or bedtime feeds results in him screaming, retching and dripping in sweat. He's also started twiddling (bleurgh)and if I'm honest I'm totally totally done with it but no idea how to stop without a lot of trauma.