How did you find going from 1 child to 2 was?

[backtobedagain]

My DS will be 5 not long after this baby is born, so we're out of the baby phase really.
I'm wondering if we should've stuck with just him. I'm thinking back to holidays and how much easier they were they with just one.. and why am I going back to sleepless nights and feeds when DH is independent to a degree now.
How did you find going from 1-2 was? Is it a big shock?

It wasn’t a huge shock but we have a smaller age gap so were still in the sleepless nights and nappies phase.

I think the main difference we found was that we had to split ourselves as parents a lot - one take older child, one take younger (inevitably I had the baby). Guess this will happen even more with a larger age gap, so that your DS can get to do older child activities without being restricted by naps etc. Depends how flexible your baby is about napping and feeding out & about, ours were not.

Also you don’t really get a rest! With one child you can take turns and give the other one some child free time. With two, it’s more likely you will take one each (until the little one gets older and more manageable anyway). Again depends how easy the baby is!

However the transition from one to two was nothing compared with the transition from none to one.

Weirdly, less stressful than just one. We put way less pressure on ourselves and our standards have slipped a bit which makes life much easier! Our age gap is smaller (2 years) so it wasn’t a huge shock. We’re lucky that DC2 is very chilled compared to DC1 although I do wonder if that’s just a reflection of how we are with her.

Dd1 was 9 when dd2 arrived. There were lots of benefits, like she was old enough to help, understand and not be jealous, she was also in school which meant dd2 and I could enjoy baby groups together.

I found going from 0-1 a huge shock to the system (partly due to being young and in a crap relationship) 1-2, 2-3, 3-4 have all been fine in comparison. That's not to say there haven't been moments, but generally speaking.

@minipie

It wasn’t a huge shock but we have a smaller age gap so were still in the sleepless nights and nappies phase.

I think the main difference we found was that we had to split ourselves as parents a lot - one take older child, one take younger (inevitably I had the baby). Guess this will happen even more with a larger age gap, so that your DS can get to do older child activities without being restricted by naps etc. Depends how flexible your baby is about napping and feeding out & about, ours were not.

Also you don’t really get a rest! With one child you can take turns and give the other one some child free time. With two, it’s more likely you will take one each (until the little one gets older and more manageable anyway). Again depends how easy the baby is!

However the transition from one to two was nothing compared with the transition from none to one.

This is what I'm worried about, not being able to have a rest! Also DH's parents live abroad so 100% of the babysitting if we ever want to go anywhere is on my poor mum and dad and I think I would feel so guilty expecting them to have 2 even if we just wanted to go out for a meal or something. I think the only saving grace is DS starts reception the month before I'm due so at least I'll be able to have a rest during the day to some extent x

A breeze compared to going from 0 to 1. I always think it is best to imagine the worst though ,anything else is a bonus .

@BurningBenches

Dd1 was 9 when dd2 arrived. There were lots of benefits, like she was old enough to help, understand and not be jealous, she was also in school which meant dd2 and I could enjoy baby groups together.

I found going from 0-1 a huge shock to the system (partly due to being young and in a crap relationship) 1-2, 2-3, 3-4 have all been fine in comparison. That's not to say there haven't been moments, but generally speaking.

That was the main thinking behind waiting this long, I wanted to have as much time with DS just me and him before it was taken away with him starting school. Obviously COVID stole our last year of really been able to go anywhere together. Same as you he'll have started reception when this one is born so if we are back into some kind of semi normal world I'll have days where we can go to baby groups or whatever without me worrying about what Ds will do. I think I'm very hormonal and emotional at the moment (I'm only 9 weeks) and worrying about everything! x

@Sleepingdogs12

A breeze compared to going from 0 to 1. I always think it is best to imagine the worst though ,anything else is a bonus .

Was it really easier? What was the age gap? x

I found it was much easier going from one child to two than going from no children to one child - and it was easier again, going from two to three.

My theory is that you learn so much with your first child, and gain in confidence and ability, and that helps you with the second child - you know all the short cuts, and hints and tips that make it easier to look after a baby - for example, nappy changing is a skill you have to learn - it gets easier the more you do - and when you have a second baby, you don't have to relearn that skill.

Two year gap between mine - for some reason I was expecting the washload to double but somehow it seemed to be four times as much. Other than that everything was SOOOOO much easier with number two. With number 3 we were on automatic pilot.

and when you have a second baby, you don't have to relearn that skill.

Unless the second child is a boy when you had a girl previously and suddenly the little bugger is managing to pee in your face from a lying position.

Going from 1 to 2 was much easier than 0 to 1. We knew what we were doing. Everything was just more straightforward. It's always going to be more challenging overall if you have two people to care for instead of 1. But I've found that actually the hardest bit (mine also have a 5 year age gap) has been with my older one. She's 8 now and 6-8 has been a challenging age for everyone I know. That would have been hard no matter how many dc we had.

The bonus though was that I got lots of one on one time with both of them when they were small, and nursery was more affordable when we weren't paying for 2. It's been absolutely fine though and never second guessed for a second the choice to have another.

Also I would say, since we had the same age gap, it was a huge advantage that my mat leave timed with reception year. It meant I was home and very available that big transition year and we had lovely afternoons together before I went back to work and wasn't able to do all the school runs anymore.

I didn't find it a shock, but I didn't find it tricky going from 0-1 either tbh. What was tricky was a mobile baby + a toddler (in my case), but you won't have that.

I've got same age gap, 5 year old and 3 month old. 5 year old DD loves her little sister and is big enough to occupy herself if needed and not be jealous. Despite lockdown, having to home school and not having any help, we really have not regretted this at all. It really is much easier second time round.

To add, I really struggled after no.1, had a terrible labour, post natal anxiety and said I'd never have another, and only changed my mind after 4 years as I felt no.1 needed a sibling. So I really did not expect to enjoy it so much more!

0-1 kids was hard as DS1 was very high needs. DS2 is far more chilled so 1-2 kids has been a lot easier. The first three months were hard when DS2 wouldn’t be put down, I never had enough hands. But now he’ll go on his play mat for a bit, or in a bouncer, or odd cot nap, it’s a lot easier. I have some idea what I’m doing and personally a lot more relaxed about things. Going back to sleep deprivation is hard but I’m coping with it better the second time around. It’s also hard having to get up regardless of how bad the night was as you have an older child to deal with. We do a fair amount of divide and conquer parenting too, which is fine by me if it works. Seeing the relationship between the kids makes it all worthwhile.

I found it really easy going from, 1 to 2. DS just slotted into our family life. I do have a smaller age gap though, 26 months, so although we were out of the sleepless nights stage we were still in nappies with Dd and she wasn't independent or talking. I would say that I found it so much easier once DS was here, being pregnant while looking after DD was really hard

6 year gap and it's been exhausting. More so this past year but that's down to COVID and not being able to have any help.

I'm drained, they tag team me!

Hey! I have two daughters and I'm not going to sugar coat it to you, but me personally has a huge shock! However, this could be down to the fact my first daughter was such a chilled out baby, she would barely cry and was honestly very easy to look after. Then BOOM my second baby came and it was a completely different story! She is just into everything, can't sit still for longer than two minutes and was constantly climbing!!! Oh and my second one also never ever slept through until she was 2🤣🤣

3.9 year age gap - I found it very hard, but a lot of that is probably down to Covid. Turns out having a second baby during a global pandemic isn’t easy! At least the worst of Covid should be over by the time your little one comes along.

My difficulty now my second child has turned one is that she wants to play with her big brother... but he doesn’t want to play with her. He wants to stay in one room and build Duplo, she wants to smash Duplo up and run around the house. So you end up getting very torn between the two of them. But perhaps with different personalities that wouldn’t be a problem.