Toilet problems

[itsallaboutfriends]

I am at my wits end with DD and wanted to ask you lovely people for some advice before I go mad.

She is 4.5 and was potty trained 2yrs ago, she picked it up pretty quickly - only caveat would be holding her wee until the last second and then have little accidents. This has only ever been an issue at home - pre covid, we would go out for the day, be travelling on flights etc where she knows there is no ready toilet access and would always be dry. Likewise for nursery and would not need reminding to go there either.

End of last year, she started holding in poo, not clear why but it led to her being constipated, start of overflow, leakage etc so we followed disimpaction as per GP/ERIC. All cleared out as we caught it early - no prior issues with bowels.

However, she is now withholding both wee and poo. She will knowingly hold it in even though she feels urge to go until it starts coming out. We can see her doing the 'wee dance' or sitting on her heels trying to keep it in, we remind her and she insists she is fine when she is already wet/soiled. She is still taking laxatives to avoid getting impacted again so the poo also will just come if she ignores the urge.

We have tried everything that we can think of - reverting to nappies (even though she does not like them), keeping her in knickers so she feels wet, making her change herself after accidents, making her clean herself, going with her, letting her be independent and go alone, being gentle, being firm. NOTHING seems to encourage her to go when she feels the urge. We have sat down with her calmly and asked if there is a reason she doesn't like the toilet - she insists there isn't. She still goes immediately and by herself at nursery

I am ashamed to say I lost it with her over the weekend because I asked her 5 times if she needed the toilet (could see signs), she insisted not and then was soiled and wet when she did eventually go. I am really struggling to keep my cool when she lies that she is fine

She is completely dry at night too - any advice please before I go mad?

Thanks @MissSmiley, I am keeping it in mind. My biggest fear is making her feel ashamed when she has no control over something.

@Immaback, I have followed advice above and set a timer for every hour. I have taken her without fail and after lots of protests and tantrums the first morning, she accepted I am not giving up and goes when told. As a result, the wetting has stopped. She also never says she needs to go because the frequency means she never gets to that stage so I have no idea how we are going to move from this back to her going alone when she needs. For now, I am taking a day at a time and celebrating everyday she stays dry. She has had the odd soiling accident but that maybe due to the laxatives as she is taking a lot to prevent impaction. I am going to try reduce them very slowly and see where we go. If still having accidents, I will be pushing for a referral to have intolerance investigated