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Parenting

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Original poster

What would happen?

24 replies

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 13:18

Hypothetically asking as I'm not actually in the situation. My dp used to take drugs. He has been clean off the hard stuff but I'm worried he will turn back to weed once lockdown eases up. If that is the case I've already expressed that I would not feel comfortable with him being around dc. I dont want that for them. Dp is convinced there is nothing wrong taking weed he thinks its harmless and it's his attitude that worries me into thinking he will turn back to it once he can start being around his weed taking friends. If this is the case, legally can I do anything? Would it mean him having less custody over dc? I'm really not sure where to start in terms on research on all of this but I want to be prepared just incase...

OP posts:

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 14:08

Bump anyone?

OP posts:

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 01/03/2021 14:12

Are you together or not? Are you separated? Does he have formal custody?

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 14:48

@Letsallscreamatthesistene were together at the moment but I've already told him if I find he relapses I will not be tolerating it nor have dc around it.

OP posts:

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 01/03/2021 15:20

Ah I was hoping there was some sort of legal agreement that stated he could keep seeing the child if he stayed away from the drugs.

Im sure of things if you're still together. Hopefully someone will be along soon who knows a bit more.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 01/03/2021 15:20

*im NOT sure of things.....

Mintjulia · 01/03/2021 15:23

Thinking logically, if you split and go to court to agree custody, he would either have to admit to taking drugs or have a previous conviction for the court to take it in to account. Otherwise it would be your word against his.
Do you have any evidence?

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 15:54

@Mintjulia no I havent. I've been pondering on the idea of trying to secretly record a conversation where he will announce he will do as he pleases and take weed. Dont know if that will be genuine enough evidence for a court to take seriously but I've already considered the fact that otherwise it really will be my word vs his

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LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 15:58

I take it you are a teetotal saint if you think your husband having the odd spliff would means he shouldn’t be allowed to see your children? And you think the courts would back this up? Do you know how hard it is for children to be taken away from parents?

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 19:15

@LockdownIsDragging call me a saint if I think being under the influence of drugs around a newborn isnt appropriate. God forbid it was your child hey

OP posts:

LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 19:27

Your saying you don’t drink then?

sweetpotatopie12 · 01/03/2021 19:30

@LockdownIsDragging

Your saying you don’t drink then?

Really???

LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 19:42

Is it so different, this is someone who doesn’t do drugs but talks about potentially wanting to have one spliff?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 01/03/2021 19:49

@lockdownisdragging have we touched a nerve?

LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 19:52

I smoked one spliff at university, shoot me. Do you seriously think the courts will stop a man seeing his kids because he has casually mentioned he might like to smoke one spliff?

LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 19:53

[quote Letsallscreamatthesistene]@lockdownisdragging have we touched a nerve?[/quote]
Nothing personal to me I just felt the need to balance out all the pearly clutchers.

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 19:56

@LockdownIsDragging but it's not one spliff is it? If someone has a history of harcore drug usage I think you find a harmless "one spliff" can easily down the route to much more. I'm sorry in no way am I having anyone under any influence of ANY drug around my 3 month baby. Clearly you think that's acceptable but I dont.

OP posts:

Original poster

Denn35 · 01/03/2021 19:57

You obviously don't have children. And you havent helped advice me in my situation. Move along please.

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LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 19:58

Well my answer to op is no I doubt you have any legal recourse and I personally think alcohol, which is normalised in our society is equally dangerous.

BebesChamber · 01/03/2021 20:08

I don't know if you'd have any legal holding OP, but I agree, I would not want someone high around my my kids who is supposed to be their parent.

What if you rang a lawyer and did the 30 min free advice thing? It might clarify things a bit more to help your decision.

I hope it all works out, you are doing the right thing protecting your baby.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 01/03/2021 20:18

It is highly unlikely that a child would lose contact because of a parent smoking weed.

When you say he used to use hard drugs, do you mean recreational drugs on nights out for example (E, cocaine, speed) or do you mean a full on addiction to heroin or crack etc?

If it was that he used to do the odd recreational drug on a night out I’d not be too worried, as I know many people who stopped all that once they had kids. But if he had an addiction I would be very concerned about it being triggered by him starting to smoke again.

LockdownIsDragging · 01/03/2021 20:42

@Denn35

You obviously don't have children. And you havent helped advice me in my situation. Move along please.

I do have children, just trying to give balance to the thread as most people seem to think the odd spliff is the end of the world. You haven’t fully explained your husbands history with drugs, if he is an addict you are right to be concerned.

user7891011 · 01/03/2021 20:59

My dp is only allowed a spliff if I'm around, if I go out he stays sober. You're worries are understandable but a lot of mothers have a glass of wine or two when the dc are in bed and no one would take their children off them for that. If he is a competent parent then it's harsh of you to be asking if his children could get taken away from him. But I get that if you are not a weed smoker you aren't aware of the effects and most will feel more alert after one spliff than after one beer or wine.
You need to set rules in place like he can do it after a certain time if you are around, and must change clothes and wash face/teeth before coming into contact with baby.
I agree it's not what I had as an ideal in my head for the father of my children to be doing but he is an amazing dad and still is after he has smoked, and is responsible enough not to do it if there is no one else in the house in the case of emergency where he may have to drive or something, or to get wasted. It's the same as you would do for having a drink really, except far less damaging to your body.

sweetpotatopie12 · 01/03/2021 21:50

@LockdownIsDragging but she has explained her concerns as he's already been on the hard stuff

I would be concerned if there was a three month old baby involved, drink/weed/etc doesn't matter

Mintjulia · 02/03/2021 11:04

Op, My ex used to drink very heavily. It was hard to tell at any time whether he was fit to drive and I left eventually because I knew it was only a matter of time before he took infant ds in the car when he was over the limit. Also he refused to see that 90 units a week, every week was a problem.

After I left, I chose carefully when I made ds available for access (he was still very small at that point). The times of the week when, due to work commitments, ex was less likely to be drunk such as immediately after he'd had his weekly 1:1 with his boss, or Monday and Tuesday evenings etc.
It worked for the first couple of years. Could you do the same? Is there a pattern to his drug taking?

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