Sleep issues after child’s dad visitations

[firsttimemumma5]

Hi there!

I just wanted to know if anyone else had this problem. My daughter is 13 months, and I’ve been separated from her dad since she was 2 months so she doesn’t know any different.

He comes to visit us for a Friday & Saturday every other week, but he doesn’t stay over and she doesn’t go to him (he currently doesn’t have his own home nearby and is in a house share & we didn’t want to subject her to a 2 hour journey every time she sees him).

I’ve noticed for the past two months or so, especially now she’s bigger, that she sleeps really badly after he visits and wakes up hourly. She cries and screams, won’t be settled easily and will only settle if I hold her to sleep and don’t put her down. I’d say it’s just her, but she’s otherwise a good sleeper and always has been (although we have just come through her one year regression).

Could it be her dad’s visits causing the disruption? Obviously she has to have them to see her dad, who loves her a lot and is eager to spend time with her, but is there a way to help us do it more smoothly without the sleep problems? Any tips or experience would really help! Thanks xx

Sounds very much like that's the issue. Does he come to your home and are you still around when he's there?

@BunnyRuddington hi again! Yes he comes to us. I’m still around to help do her lunches and dinner (I don’t like him using my home like his!), and I’m only in the other room catching up on work whilst he’s with her (or sometimes out for a walk, lockdown fun!).

I’ve just realised her bad nights are always after his visits, which I thought was odd.

What are her naps like on the days he's there? Any chance she's overstimulated and overtired? Does her routine and the activities she's doing change dramatically when he's around?

Is there plenty of time between him leaving and bedtime? My little one is 11 months old and because of lockdown has barely seen anyone, whenever our lockdown bubble have visited if they're still there at bedtime we noticed she was a nightmare to get down and would wake a lot. We started making sure that we took her upstairs for 30 minutes before bedtime to give her time with us one on one to wind down and that seemed to solve the issue. It was like she was getting so hyped up by the visit she couldn't relax to sleep.

It might not be relevant if he leaves way before bedtime though, but thought I'd mention just in case!