Potty trainig-what if I want to go out?

[limassol]

I am trying to toilet train my dd who is 3 at the end of the month. She did really well yesterday with me constantly asking her if she wants to go for a wee/poo and then rushing to the loo pronto. I was just wondering what to do if we have to go out? I have been at home for over a week now doing this and frankly I am going out of my mind and want to go out for a while. I don't want to put her in a nappy to go out as I have read that thids is confusing for the child. She is not predictable enough to take her to the loo at certain times. Sometimes she wees and then has to go shortly after. I have bought a portable potty to take out with us but can't really sit her down in the middle of a public place. There are so many christmas shoppers where I live all the toilets have massive cues. What does everyone else do? Do I have to stay in for the forseeable future until she has got the hang of it?

I think it sounds as if she's not ready. I would go back to nappies ant try again in a couple of months. Whe she's ready she'll just give up nappies and there won't be a problem. I think if it takes more than two days maximum then try again later.

I think if she is asking to go she probably is ready. Ds (2.10 years old) never goes at regular times and often needs to go immediately

Go out to toddler friendly places at first - at least you will be getting out. If she needs to go and there is a queue, ask the people in the queue if your dd can go first as she can't hold on for long.

Also you can ask at shops if you dd can use the staff loos. If the choice is a puddle on the floor or the child using the loo, most shops will let you use the staff loo.

Take changes of clothes with you for accidents and if you are using a buggy put a plastic bag on the seat with a small towel over the top to save the buggy if she has an accident.

Take the potty with you and use it if you have to (try and find a discreet place) just use it. I have used a portable potty in car parks, in the street (usually find a quiet door way or alley) and even on a Thames boat trip once where there were no toilets and ds was in the early potty training stages.

When you are somewhere with a loo and if your dd has not been for a while encourage her to go while she can - though don't insist if she says no. Sometimes I can get ds to go by saying I need to go and taking him with me.

I have been doing this with my ds over the last few days ... he has been dry during the day but only when reminded (constantly, and I do mean constantly!). When we go out for any length of time I have been putting him in a pull up with his pants over the top. Then if we get to friends etc I just take the pull up off and leave him in the pants ... or if we are out shopping I know that he is ok if he is desperate but I still ask him every 30 mins or so and take him to the loo at every opportunity. It seems to be working as he hasnt actually used the nappy the last couple of times we have been out. I am sure people will say it is the wrong way to do it but it has worked for us ... especially as my dp is a stress-head about things like this!

Now all I need to do is get him to remember he needs to go when he is concentrating really hard on playing!

I don't necessarily agree that she isn't ready as she seems to be getting into the swing of it now. I think sometimes they don't know what it feels like to wee in the toilet and can't judge when to 'let go' iyswim. If she is now using the toilet I think she will cope although maybe leave it until tomorrow to see if you have another good day today.

Does she have to go often? It is a pain I know but my DS2 was much better than DS1 at lasting a long time and so I knew I had an hour's window to get out and about. If she has been twice in a short time and hasn't had a drink could she last an for an hour so you can whizz in and then out again of wherever you have to go.

If you want to chance it, put her in jeans as they are the most absorbant clothes. Take a change of clothes and lots of wipes/kitchen roll. Go out at the quiet times of time, early morning or late afternoon so that she doesn't have to queue for the toilet. Or alternatively take a quick trip to the park for some fresh air.

Is there nobody who can come and sit with her whilst you get a change of scene?

You are getting there though. Don't give up now.

I just think that you can do this the easy way or the hard way. The hard way involves lots of stress, and wet carpets and angst-ridden shopping trips and asking whether she needs a pee 427 times a day. The easy way is to leave it, and one day she will unprompted start using the loo or a potty.

I know what you are saying Seeker but my DS2 never reached that point despite being a bright and able little boy. I left it hoping he would be interested and he never was. In the end he was 3.7 by the time I finally said enough was enough (his playgroup were mentioning nearly every session as well) and after about 3 days of hell, where he did nothing in the potty at all, he finally managed something after I held him hostage in the toilet (I am only half joking about that too). That was the turning point and after that it was about 3 days and he was pretty safe. I have to pick up DS1 from school so I had to go out every day anyway so sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns and go for it.

Since limassol had a good day yesterday I suspect she is over the worse. If her DD had been 2 I would have agreed with you, not worth the hassle and put her back in nappies, but she is 3 so she is probably old enough. I would give it a couple more days before giving up.

Dd has wet 3 pairs of pants since I posted. I am keen to carry on as I feel very concious of the fact that my dd is the only on at activities we attend in nappies. She was a late walker, fussy eater, etc, etc I also have ds who is 14 months in nappies so I will be so glad to get her out of nappies.

Forgot to mention that my two sisters keep asking why she isn't potty trained yet. One of my sisters has 5 children, one has 3. Both potty trained early, and say I need to put my life on hold for a couple of weeks while I follow her around with the potty!

It is hard not to bow to pressure isn't it Limassol.

Do you think it is because she isn't ready or because she doesn't want to? If it is a case of not wanting to, do you think a star chart will concentrate her efforts a bit more and make her more cooperative?

I agree that it sounds like she is not completely ready. I am not saying that you should give up and try again in a month or 2, just that it will be a rough ride and there may be some regression. DS2 is 3.4 and we are having to be a bit more forceful about the potty training as he drinks so much and what goes in must come out and we are now getting through a 54 pack in about 10 days. He is just about reliable enough to put in pants, but definately not trousers and as for going out, I put him in napppies. When he is more reliable, I will take the porta-potty with me and plunk him down where ever, if other people don't like it, it's their own tough luck! Thankfully at this time of year we don't go out nearly as much!

You can put her on it in the middle of a public place when the alternative is an accident all over the public place... We've had to whip out the portable potty for DS in the (fortunately not too busy) street a couple of times. Also we make/made (he's fairly good on knowing when he wants to go now) go and try when we got to a place with a loo (e.g. shopping centre). This was generally met by howls ouf outrage and "I don't WANT to do a wee... I don't WANT to do a wee... I don't WANT to do a wee..." until he was actually sitting on it, when mysteriously it tended to turn out that he did (then we would have "I don't WANT to wash my hands.... I don't WANT to dry my hands... Only dry one hand..." (etc.)). And always have spare clothes (including socks) with you.

But then we waited to potty train with DS until he'd started asking to go; I suspect that made it easier.

Limassol - it REALLY doesn't matter what other children do - they all do things at different speeds. If it helps, my two were both well over 3 - and ds was still demanding a nappy for a poo until he was 4! Do what's right for you and your children -and what makes life easiest.

FWIW I am doing this at the moment too. I am using pull ups when we go out (special travelling knickers) as we are only on day four and I have to go out to ferry dd1 about. Dd2 is very good now in the house and most of the time when out. I am sticking with it as I know she can do it. I am taking the potty with us everywhere and using it every where too. I am just getting knowing smiles from people too. Would be very shocked if anyone objected unless it was a very smelly poo I suppose. It has only been wees so far anyway and better that than a puddle surely.
Anyway, good luck. This is our second attempt with dd2 and after a disasterous first day with just one success and seven wet pairs of trousers (all she owns) she suddenly clicked on day two. I think they sort of need to learn to spot the signs and that being wet is horrid . That said I will be expecting accidents for a while yet, but as long as we have more successes than accidents I am happy.

hi there - ignore everyone and listen to your head and your DD! (if I actually meant that then i wouldn't be able to go on and post advice cos then you would have to ignore me too!)

My MIL was nag, nag, nagging me to get my twins into pants, I got the "all my three were dry by the time they were two" line....so i tried, i really did, but i got fed up of getting to 10am on a saturday morning havnig mopped the floors twice, gone through all the changes of clothes and never being able to go out....so i gave up - then one weekend it was my birthday, and she came up and yes they were in nappies again, so she commented (again), so i snapped. I said "listen it's my fooking birthday, i wanna relax, i am not chasing them round all day with potties and changes of clothes"..."oh it's not that bad, if you just put em in pants they'd soon learn"....so I said, "fine, they going in pants and YOU can deal with it".....5 hours later, she flopped back into the patio chair with a glass of rose and said "yes i think you're right, they're not ready!"

Oh it was such a sense of achievement, proving that ALL kids are different, all family dynamics are different (i work full time, i only see the twins properly at the weekend, so didn't wanna spend it stuck in doors constantly asking if they wanted to wee).....

So now for my advice. When they WERE ready (now 2.11 btw and dry). Set aside a weekend when you don't mind stopping in. Stick heating on and leave DD in t-shirt and pants, no trousers or skirts. Leave potty where she can see it, get lots of spare knickers so you not going up and down stairs. Then go for it. I actually stopped asking my two if they wanted to go, and they started going un prompted. (we also bought a step for the big loo as they seemed to have the nack for stand up weeing, not applicable in your case!). During this time, of course you are going to need to go out somewhere just to stay sane - my advice here, passed down from other friends of mine - put the nappy on OVER the knickers/pants telling her WHY your are doing it (she is still a big girl, she still needs to ask), it also means if she has an accident, she feels it, but you don't get a soggy car seat/buggy.

Then once she has asked to go consistantly or taken herself to the potty for a few days venture out. We did this by accident - i was literally in a rush - threw the kids in the car, got to town and remembered "fook they got pants on and i got no change of clothes!", I just HAD to deal with it and we had no accidents, they even queued in M&S.

After months of accidents and pulling my hair out it happened in a week i would say. (one DT did revert for a while, but we bought him some ontarget balls for the loo, as seen on dragons den, and now he loves going)

That is a good idea to put the knickers on under the nappy....I am going to do that!

Thanks for the advice everyone. Neicie, have completed the star chart we had in the potty book for girls and she is supposed to get a "potty perfect" sticker at the end. She is far from it! Anyway she was better yesterday afternnon. We went for a walk for half an hour to the post box and back as we had to post a birthday card for her cousin. I put a pull-up nappy on while we were out and told her it was because there are no toilets on the way. She managed to keep it dry until we got home and then had a wee on the toilet when we got back. Has done well with wees this morning except once when she announced that she had done her wee in her pants. It turned out to be a big sloppy poo that went all over the floor when I took her pants down -yuk.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I am going to keep going until the weekend and see if everything slots into place. Dh and I are having lunchm out on our own on saturday so I will grin and bear it til then.

As she is getting a fair few wees in the loo I would say she probably is ready. When going out just BE BRAVE. You say you put a nappy on her to walk to the post box.... Why? Would it really have mattered if she wet her knickers while walking along the road? She'd have had to walk the short distance home with rather uncomfortable flapping wet trousers - not nice, but it might have helped her to understand what's going on.

When I was potty training DD I used the 'pants on under pull ups' technique once or twice but only when it was absolutely vital that we didn't have an accident. I also had some 'bright bots' cotton training pants, although I only put those on her about 3 times. On short walks like you describe, or trips to the palk, or if visiting friends (those who have small children and understand!!) I would always go nappy free and grit my teeth. Actually we had surprisigly few accidents when out and about, mostly they happened at home, which made me think that she must have had some understaning of the whole concept even before she was fully trained. The other thing is, if there is an accident, it's never as bad as you think. People tend to be understanding and helpful. Make sure she wears absorbant clothes and have plenty of spare changes with you.

With DD I found it was about a week after she was dry that she got the hang of poos - uggg, a very yucky week it was too.....