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Original poster

Overnight childcare

20 replies

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 20:17

Im 30 weeks pregnant, by the time I'm due my toddler will be 2.5. I just had an argument with my dp about where she will go when I'm in labour and possible have to stay in hospital. The only real option we have is my mil. My mil is our childcare support bubble. My daughter and mil have a lovely relationship, she really enjoys spending time there. My concern is my mil has made no adjustments to her house, i.e nothing to stop dd from using the stairs unaided, nothing to stop her from accessing the bathroom where there is easy access to cleaning products and a range of medication. In the day there are two adults watching her, she is constantly watched. There is no where for her to sleep apart from mil's bed, she has a sleep breathing machine and a dressing cabinet with easy access to necklaces, perfume etc. Her house is just a normal home but with no consideration to a toddler. I have visions of her get hurt by finding something in her bedroom while mil is sleeping and putting in her mouth or getting it stuck over her neck. Or even getting out of the bedroom and accessing the bathroom. My dp thinks I am being overthe top and that my 2.5 year would know better and not hurt herself. I think he is being ridiculous. Am I being overly cautious?

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LouiseTrees · 27/02/2021 20:18

Why can’t your mother in law come and stay at your house?

Original poster

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 20:22

I'm starting to think this will be the best solution. My dp thinks it would be easier for her to go to mil and be nice for her to have other overnight sleeps there.

OP posts:

Lindy2 · 27/02/2021 20:23

Ask MIL to come to you where your DD has all of her toys and will be more settled so easier to care for. You don't have to mention that her own home isn't suitable you just need to put forward why your own home is the best place for your toddler to be.

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mindutopia · 27/02/2021 20:25

It sounds sensible for your MIL to stay at your house. None of my dc have ever stayed over at someone else’s house. They’re always more settled in their own home. Also you need a safe sleep space, as your MIL shouldn’t be co sleeping when she isn’t used to it and especially not wearing a breathing machine. Alternatively, you need to supply a cot or toddler bed.

That said, I have had 2 2.5 year olds and I’ve never toddler proofed my own house to the extent you’re describing. They are just supervised and doors (to the bathroom) are kept shut. They’re too little to reach anything up high.

Generally though, I think if you are asking her to babysit, you need to facilitate her having a safe space to do it. Either your house or you sort out her house for her and kit her out with what she needs.

brokengate · 27/02/2021 20:29

Agree keep her in own home.

Also remember that while he will likely be at birth, he will be very unlikely to be allowed to stay much after that. So he can be with her. Visits are very restricted, if at all at the movement and certainly not overnight unless in actual labour here. That does vary area to area but might be worth pointing out to him that if he's going to be at home it would make sense for mil and Dd to also be there.

Original poster

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 20:30

My mil doesn't actually have any clothes or items like nappies ect at her house. Loads of toys though. So in that sense it will be easier. We only live around 5 miles from each other. I'm just being made to feel like I am being ridiculous by partner and lovely has she is my mil will think I am being over the top. I've already had alot of comments about overnight stays. They think I am being to pfb. At what age would you be comfortable leaving your child stay with no consideration for safety?

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Original poster

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 20:31

That hash its not no consideration for safety, just there are safety concerns I have.

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LouiseTrees · 27/02/2021 20:32

@Jacky209990

I'm starting to think this will be the best solution. My dp thinks it would be easier for her to go to mil and be nice for her to have other overnight sleeps there.

What he means is he wants to start sending her there as he doesn’t want a toddler and a baby. Explain that’s an option going forward but during labour where you need to be calm as you can be the easier option is your house because all the toddlers stuff is already there.

mrsbitaly · 27/02/2021 20:38

Can you not share your concerns with MIL? Do you have anyone that can lend you a travel cot most can take up to a 3 year old. Maybe buy a stair gate it doesn't have to be new that she may be able to keep there if she has room. I understand your concerns I of course don't know what your MIL is like but I'm sure she will ensure your toddler is safe at all times afterall I assume she brought your partner up?

4amWitchingHour · 27/02/2021 20:39

MIL should definitely come to yours to look after DD when you're in Labour. What if you have to leave for hospital in the middle of the night? Are you going to wake up DD to take her to MIL's??

Wrt other overnight stays it's perfectly reasonable that MIL's home should be more toddler proof. What's stopping you from mentioning it to her? Your DH is an idiot if he thinks a 2.5yr old is going to be sensible enough not to hurt herself

Original poster

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 20:54

I can talk to my mil but she probably won't be impressed by me. She will see me as criticising her. I have mentioned stair gate and would happily buy one, the response I got was, I never had stair gates for my children. I'm sure she would though if I expressed how concerned I was about her leaving the bedroom and accessing the bathroom at night. I've expressed conner about the breathing mask but was made to feel like I'm being overly cautious. My dd has a toddler bed she would never stay in her travel cot and was a nightmare with a cot. She wouldn't sleep in them. We co-sleep from 4 months, she usually sleeps in her bed alone now once I've settled her. There is no other space for me to put a toddler bed at mil.

Anyway I'm going to listen to the advise given and stop worrying about it and have mil stay at mine. I'll sort the spare room out for her. I'll tackle overnight stays in the future.

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timeforanother1 · 27/02/2021 20:59

Go with your gut- don't let her stay at mil's.

Too much of a risk and you won't stop worrying.

KMBM107 · 27/02/2021 21:04

With my second labour progressed really quickly. I called my parents at 10pm they were at my house by 10.30 and I was in the hospital and had delivered baby number 2 just after midnight. We would have struggled to get 3 year old up and to my parents.

KMBM107 · 27/02/2021 21:05

Hit enter too quick - so I think getting spare room ready and preparing mil to come stay is the most sensible plan anyway.

ivfbeenbusy · 27/02/2021 21:09

I think you are being a bit over dramatic to be honest. I never had child gates (and neither did my childminder incidentally who looked after dozens of kids over the years either!). I don't recall child proofing my house when nieces/nephews came to stay either but then they were pretty well behaved and didn't get into things they shouldn't?

nocoolnamesleft · 27/02/2021 21:14

she has a sleep breathing machine
How portable is the kit she needs for her health? May be easier to move clothes and nappies.

iluvpickles · 27/02/2021 21:16

I don't really see the issue but everyone else seems to lol.

My little one was 2yr 7months when her little sister was born. She had stayed with my mum a few times anyway and always just slept in bed with her and my dad slept in spare room. They had no stair gates or adjustments to their house. It was never an issue.

It's a maybe a gd idea to get her round to watch her when ur having baby though. My waters actually broke just before midnight 3 wks early and we had to get her out of bed back of 2am and take her round to my mums about 3am 🙈 it was on the way to the hospital though. She didn't go bk to sleep though so my parents were awake from back of 2am 😆 She also didn't nap at this point think she was buzzing all day to meet her little sister.

Take all the help you can get, if your mil wants to do sleepovers it will give you some time alone with baby and hopefully some extra sleep.

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2021 21:18

Is the breathing machine cpap? Is your MIL actually able to look after your daughter overnight? Will it transport easily to your house if she can?

Have you asked MIL about it?

Original poster

Jacky209990 · 27/02/2021 21:36

I'm going to have to have a chat with mil. I'm sure it is a cpap machine. I don't want to be difficult and I am grateful for the childcare she provides and that shes willing to help when I'm in labour. My dd is just into everything, if she wakes up I can see her going through all her draws, trying to get out of the room and go wondering. She still puts things in her mouth she shouldn't etc. Hopefully, she can stay at mine, seems the most practical idea, hopefully cpap machine won't be an issue.

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Snowymcsnowsony · 27/02/2021 21:40

Stick to your guns op.. My ils watched our dc at our house.. Mil kept upstairs windows open at her home and fil's array of pills on his bedside. She used to try take the dc upstairs if we even visited. I just followed her, used the loo and carried dc back down!
Rinsed and repeated..
She got the message.

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