Desperately want to stop breastfeeding but baby doesn't

[Pearlg]

Just that really. Sounds dramatic but it's really getting me down & I feel like a failure. My baby is 19weeks old & I've never been relaxed while breastfeeding her- constant worry about milk supply etc. I'm ready to stop & but the problem is baby won't take a bottle with either breast milk or formula! We've tried everyday in Feb & the fact that Mon is March has really hit me today & I feel so down about it.

I've tried Mam bottles & she did take but I let a month go past without pumping & giving her a bottle & now she is refusing & I'm so annoyed at myself. I've had a bit more success with Nuk bottles but she still chews the teat & then cries - I've tried DH giving her bottle with me out of the house, distracting her, slipping in while she's sleepy etc & still she refuses.

anyone any tips on what worked for them? She also uses me as a dummy in middle of night so really want it to be over!!

I’m in the same boat. Ready to stop and my 15 month old will drink 1-3 ounces when I do offer the bottle and mostly none. So frustrating...

And for the night thing, don’t let her. Feed only at 11pm and 3am. Then drop it to just 11pm. You will have to let her cry a little. Otherwise they wake out of habit. It’s only the first few weeks they need to wake often to feed at night. By 3 months they should be capable to go from 7-11pm and 11pm to 3am for feeds.

@Mamabear12

And for the night thing, don’t let her. Feed only at 11pm and 3am. Then drop it to just 11pm. You will have to let her cry a little. Otherwise they wake out of habit. It’s only the first few weeks they need to wake often to feed at night. By 3 months they should be capable to go from 7-11pm and 11pm to 3am for feeds.

Ah god yes, I wish I did this sooner. My Dc was 7m old waking 8-10 times a night for months for comfort because bastard kellykom said it’s fiiiiiine to just respond to your baby. YEAH RIGHT I was hanging.

As soon as I dropped the milk at night he started sleeping through jeez.

@Mamabear12 your are right, I will defo try this, I know she can go this long between feeds so it's clearly a comfort thing! I can't help but feel like I've made this worse for myself!! Just so hard not to cave in & put her on the boob when the screaming at midnight starts

@FTEngineerM - gives me hope that once you stopped you milk your baby went longer.....I'm like an extra from the walking dead over here between being up so much at night then bottle wars during the day it's grim

I know it’s another expense but have you tried Dr Browns bottles? It was the only bottle my breastfed baby accepted (rejected others including MAM bottles). Husband had to give the bottle initially as baby wanted breastmilk from me.

How we might weaned was I slept in another room for 5 nights then took over at 6am and my husband slept in (we were on holiday ) she cried but was always comforted by him. But not with milk. Saved my sanity.

@Mamabear12

And for the night thing, don’t let her. Feed only at 11pm and 3am. Then drop it to just 11pm. You will have to let her cry a little. Otherwise they wake out of habit. It’s only the first few weeks they need to wake often to feed at night. By 3 months they should be capable to go from 7-11pm and 11pm to 3am for feeds.

This is a 19 week old baby we are talking about and your advice is shit.

@messydoodah1 yes I have seen the Dr Brown bottles, I'm desperate so might try one of those next thanks, good to know something worked for you!

I think there has to be a happy medium between responding to babies needs vs being used as a dummy!

unmarkedbythat (eye roll). I have 3 kids all healthy and thriving. So don’t be rude and say my advice is shit. And I fully breastfed all....and still going w my youngest who is 14 months. And I’ve actually studied breastfeeding and childbirth (as in a degree). Some babies will continue to wake as long as you continue to go in. This will continue until they are 3 years plus!!! I knew someone who had to go in the night to give their 3 year old strawberry milk!!!!

Anyway, Some people are willing to wake 5 times a night. However, others need their sleep. I woke once and sometimes twice a night for 13 months! Until I decided enough was enough. I let her cry a bit and she only did for a couple days (and literally just a minute or two before sleeping again). Now she sleeps well and so do I.

I’m not saying put the baby down at 7pm and leave her until 7am. I’m saying feed her 11pm and 3am (even if you have to wake to feed). Give a proper feed and that should be enough. Some babies end up feeding all night long and then not feeding during the day. It’s called reversed cycling.

@Mamabear12 I agree & I understand where you are coming from in saying to try & let the baby go longer between feeds- it makes sense to me. It's no good for her or me to be awake so much during the nite. I think we've gotten into the habit of reverse cycling after sleep regression a few weeks ago. Could be being dramatic but I think my mental health is really starting to suffer due to lack sleep & the stress of trying to stop breastfeeding, I'm also freaking myself out as usual that my supply isn't good & I'm fed up worrying about it.

I've just ordered 1 Dr Brown bottle from good old Amazon next day delivery so fingers crossed this works!! Broke my heart over getting breastfeeding started & now I'm doing the same over stopping damn it!

Following with interest. 22 week baby here and I want to give up in 4 weeks time but he point blank won't take a bottle or sippy cup (HV recommended this but he just plays with it).
Like you he did at the start and we got out of the habit of giving him one and now he just chews the teat like he doesn't know what to do.

It won’t be popular but I literally had to starve my baby into submission. I fed morning and evening and only offered bottle in between.

Once she understood the bottle had milk in she was fine and we then gave a bottle a day.

My baby was 7.5 months though so had solids to fall back on

Good luck with the bottles. And mine also only took the pre made cartons of formula milk at room temperature as well! (I had to do a short course for work when she was tiny). Also agree on the reverse cycling, I had blocked out the memory! I had to take mine for a walk at night in a sling as being outside made the baby not demand milk until she slept. I remember (hormonal) crying because my legs were tired but I couldn’t bear the thought of her fussing all night long at the breast. It did break the habit though!

Try a dummy at night if she is keen to suckle for comfort.

Good luck. I feel for you. Lack of sleep isn’t easy. Some people cope better. But after a few months to a year enough is enough! We all need good sleep for physical and mental health.

Also, try not to stress so much. You are doing well! Most likely baby has gotten into the habit of feeding in the night instead of more often during the day. People get into habits. For example some are used to snacking all day long and then when they cut their snacks at first they are hungry. After a few days they get used to it. It’s normal.

I think some babies just prefer breast tbh and it’s not always the bottle. My baby happily drinks water from a bottle or sippy cup. And I’ve tried 6 different bottles (thanks to my sister who passed them on to try out as she went through the process w her first). Anyway, my dd just prefers breastfeeding for her milk. Water she happily takes in bottle or sip cup. My first two took bottles easily (they loved mam and advent).

By 15 months I’m going to stop feeding and then she will have to accept milk in bottle. She eats well; and I’m sure she will eventually realise no more breast and drink from bottle. Although, after 12 months they say stop bottle and give sip cup!

Have you tried varying the temperature? DS would take either nothing or a couple of sips from the bottle until we made it exactly 37° - turns out he wasn't that fussed about it coming from a nipple but he was cross if it wasn't boob temperature... I've known other babies who preferred their bottles cooler.

Thanks for all suggestions & advice, I have made a little bit more progress with the Dr Brown bottles. Took her into the garden a few days ago for some distraction & managed to get her to a least start sucking the teat instead of chewing it! DH has gave her a few ozs past few evenings but it's slow progress as she seems to stop at 3oz randomly. Sigh. But at least it's some progress but think boob will be continuing for a good while yet! I don't know who Dr Brown is but I like them

Maybe she’s full after 3oz. Bottle fed babies stomachs can sometimes be stretched more than breastfed.

When I switched I literally panicked when I read that he’s supposed to have 3 7oz bottles in a day. He couldn’t manage 3oz most of the time and who’s stop somewhere between 2 and 3. Which makes sense with the amount he would be on/off the boob all day.

A month in now and he can drink 6oz in the morning at least. Fingers crossed it’ll get better for you so you can make which ever choice you want.

@FTEngineerM thanks that has really reassured me because I was literally panicking reading the formula tin saying she should be taking a lot more too!! Hopefully soon we can work up to more & I'll be free!

Haha daunting or what?! Reading into it on LLL (I think), FF babies need to up the milk volume as they grow because it’s the same calorific value per 100ml but BF babies drink roughly the same volume at say 2 months as they do at 6 it’s just there’s more calories in it.

Glad you’re making progress.

Sorry totally beside the point of the thread but why are you trying to get your 14 month old to take a bottle @Mamabear12? They shouldn’t have a bottle past 1 anyway. I breastfed my first to 13 months (went back to work at 10 months) and he had milk in a cup from then. He never had a bottle. It’s so much better for their teeth.

OP have you tried a cup with yours?

Can you co sleep then just feed when sleeping and you’ll both get more rest ?

@Pearlg

Thanks for all suggestions & advice, I have made a little bit more progress with the Dr Brown bottles. Took her into the garden a few days ago for some distraction & managed to get her to a least start sucking the teat instead of chewing it! DH has gave her a few ozs past few evenings but it's slow progress as she seems to stop at 3oz randomly. Sigh. But at least it's some progress but think boob will be continuing for a good while yet! I don't know who Dr Brown is but I like them

My bf babies were the same never took more than 2/3 oz I think it’s because they take less more often with bf so do the same plus with pace feeding the advice is no more than 4oz at a time so it’s perfect

@FolkSongSweet good question! I don’t know lol. Perhaps I should try cup? I give her sip cup for water. But when I put milk she barely drinks any. Do you use a sip cup or normal cup?

What do you do when baby wakes In morning? Give milk in a cup? Then give breakfast or straight to breakfast? How often do you give milk? My sister makes it seem like you need to give a good amount of milk so they get enough nutrients and still gives bottles to her two year old! If I have sip cup she would probably take one max!

@Mamabear12 I just replaced breastfeeds with a sippy cup of cows milk past 1. So he would have a cup first thing, then mid morning, mid afternoon and before bed. He’s nearly 3 and still has the bedtime one. He would always drink the full cup but they don’t actually need milk past 1 provided they can get their calcium from other sources - porridge, yoghurt, cheese, creamy pasta sauces - and there’s also calcium in dark leafy veg.