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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler and newborn naps - how the hell do you do it?

27 replies

MsFrog · 26/02/2021 11:07

I held my first born and shushed and patted and went in the car or pram or whatever it took to make naps work. He was still a shocking sleeper, but that's beside the point.

I have a 7 week old son. I know the routine he needs, I can see his tired signs etc. But what I can't do is orchestrate his naps when I know he needs them. I can't sit and cuddle him, I can't keep the room quiet or anything, because I have a loud toddler who needs attention.

How do you do it, experienced parents of two? How do you prioritise the sleep you know the baby needs, when you just haven't got the time? The baby is getting overtired and hard to settle. It's making me so frustrated, because this time I actually know what to do from experience, but now I can't bloody do it!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OneForTheJourney · 26/02/2021 11:09

On advice.. I'm due DD2 in 5 weeks and have a 19 month old, no idea how I'm going to cope to be honest

Lazypuppy · 26/02/2021 11:10

How old is the toddler? You can still go out for walks so baby can nap in the pushchair, go to a park so toddler can play.

If toddler is old enough leave them watching tv for 20mins while you settle baby?

Toddler needs to learn they can't be loud or have 100%of your attention anymore.

Or if you are happy to cuddle to sleep for naps then put a film on quietly and sit with toddler while you cuddle baby to sleep.

Its probably useful for baby to learn to nap with background noise as unlikely to ever be quiet

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/02/2021 11:12

How olds your eldest- I have a 4 month old and a 3 yr old.
My youngest has to sleep when she can tbh, far less regimented than my first, so she will often fall asleep following a car trip and I’ll leave her in the car seat in the house to finish the nap. If at home she can’t fall asleep sometimes I say to my eldest I need to go upstairs and feed the baby to sleep in a calm quiet room. She’s able to watch CBeebies whilst I do that.

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Bluebelltulip · 26/02/2021 11:16

I used the sling a lot, a walking nap a day, encourage quiet play while baby sleeps. Doesn't always work but the both need to get used to each other, also one of the hardest things I found was adjusting my mindset to accept that neither of them could have as much attention as I would like to give them.

MsChatterbox · 26/02/2021 11:22

I save TV for nap time. My son watches TV and I sit on the couch holding baby.

LouNatics · 26/02/2021 11:23

With my second I could sit and cuddle a lot because there was a big gap and my oldest was at school. But what I pretty much did with my two with the smaller gap was put the baby in the carrier or baby sling and carry on life with the toddler as normal. The one at school meant they both needed to be up and out on the school run for 40 mins twice a day and to all the other random activities like swimming, dance lesson anyway so there could be no scheduling even if I wanted to. Baby emerged from the carrier when the older ones went to bed, but then spent more time playing with the toddler when they were a bit bigger and started eating, being mobile.

lorisparkle · 26/02/2021 11:32

In a way I was lucky because ds1 dropped his naps fairly early but what I did was.....

Youngest napped in pushchair when walking places or both if I was incredibly lucky

Youngest had naps in the sling whilst I carried on

Both had naps in the car when I was desperate!!!

I bounced youngest in seat whilst playing with the older children

I had pram in the house and rocked youngest whilst older children had food

Amazingly ds3 would fall asleep by himself - without crying or rocking - in the pushchair outside, so would put him in the back garden safely for his naps (he was rubbish at night but hey ho!)

I found routines and strategies around nap times after much experimentation and by the time ds3 came along naps were just when they worked!

Original poster

MsFrog · 26/02/2021 11:58

Thanks for all the advice so far. My older son is nearly 3 and he's really good, he plays well on his own and will settle in front of the TV. But the baby isn't feeding well, coughing and spluttering on bottles, taking ages to feed, and screaming afterwards. So that takes a lot of my time, and a toddler only has so much patience...

I've tried the sling, but my back isn't really up to it! He does sleep in it if I keep moving. He takes a long, long time to settle for a nap, gets more and more tired, and eventually (I'm talking an hour) he's hungry again, because he's only eating tiny amounts due to the feeding trouble; then the whole rigmarole starts again.

We can do naps in the pram, yeah, I can try to time it that way sometimes, but the toddler gets impatient in the pram because the baby takes quite a while to drop off.

I've tried just letting him get used to the noise and being a bit more relaxed about the napping, but so far that's just resulted in an overtired, screaming baby.

I think there probably isn't a solution and this is just the nature of having two young kids...

OP posts:

LouNatics · 26/02/2021 12:30

Your older one is an older toddler so that’s good in terms of understanding and being more distractable with things like tv.

Naps in the pram, put the baby in the pram and walk with the toddler. Or put the baby in the sling and walk with the toddler. Or put the toddler in the sling and walk the baby to sleep with the pram then let the toddler out for a round around

Get help with your sling or get a better baby sling if it’s hurting, it shouldn’t.

Original poster

MsFrog · 26/02/2021 13:10

Toddler in the sling?! He weighs a ton, I can barely pick him up these days! 🤣 But thank you, it's good to know the sling should be more manageable with the baby.

Other people's toddlers sound very well-behaved. Mine understands the baby has needs, but he's a bit young to really care lol, and will continue to make noise (not maliciously).

He likes to run off as well, but naps in the pram with reins for the toddler is a good idea, yeah

OP posts:

Potterythrowdown · 26/02/2021 13:19

Mine are slightly older (3months and 3 and a bit) and tbh baby DD just has to get on with it. I try to get us out the house when she's needs a nap in either the morning or afternoon and she either sleeps in the buggy or in the sling while we're in the park. She will drop off sometimes on me while I play with DS but gets woken up more times than I would ideally want by either the shout of "mummy I've done a poo" or him pretending to be a lion.

lorisparkle · 26/02/2021 13:24

It is exceptionally tricky and there certainly isn't an easy answer. My eldest was an absolute nightmare and looking back when ds2 was born was one of the hardest times. I remember sitting in the car in some lay-by exhausted with them both asleep in their car seats.

HighInTheHills · 26/02/2021 14:28

Put baby in sling and then they go to sleep (hopefully) and then can wrangle the other one! Did it with all three of mine and saved my sanity. It has worked for all of mine even if they scream and object at first.

Still works when bigger too - yesterday my 5yo and 7mo were happily entertained by 3yo screaming for cuddles when I was trying to cook dinner. Popped him in a carrier on my back, he thought it was best thing ever, I managed to get dinner done (and figured I'd used so many calories carting him around that I had a huge tiramisu to myself once kids gone to sleep and all was well in the world! 😂)

HighInTheHills · 26/02/2021 14:30

Annoyingly my toddlers gave up the daytime nap, respectively, once new baby arrived. However would always fall asleep after short drive in the car, so use that to save my sanity when I get really desperate!

Charlottejade89 · 26/02/2021 16:49

I've got a 9 week old and a 2.5 year old, tbh it's not been too bad, I have tried to get him to self settle in his moses basket downstairs and just get used to the noise. but I did a similar thing with my dd I never lowered the noise level just because she was sleeping and as a result she will sleep through anything. my ds does get woken sometimes by my dd but if he's tired I will just sooth him and he will settle back to sleep on his own

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/02/2021 17:19

I just spent most the days outside, baby in pram sleeping when needed and older one playing in play ground.

Twizbe · 26/02/2021 17:26

With my second it was all about routine.

I'd go with one nap in the pram and one in the cot / play mat.

For the pram nap if toddler was around he'd come out for the walk with us and we'd stop by a park.

For the afternoon one he was also having a nap, but when that stopped we had quiet time instead.

We still have it now, pop on a film, snuggle up together and let baby either sleep on you or on the play mat.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/02/2021 20:12

Remember your baby will start easing up on the feeds soon-for your eldest a few wks of tv or less interaction with you whilst you tend to the baby won’t cause any harm. The weathers getting nicer so if you have a garden let your eldest play outside whilst you feed the baby. Do you think your baby may have colic given the screaming after a feed?

Lolalovesmarmite · 27/02/2021 07:20

Honestly, it was a nightmare! My 2 year old loved waking the baby up and the baby was a terrible sleeper anyway.

I found letting the baby nap in the sling worked, as did taking him out in the pram. Also letting the toddler watch tv while the baby napped on me. Worst case I had to load them both into the car and drive in circles. You have my sympathy, it’s really hard. Baby is now 9 months and 2 year old is nearly 3 and it’s a bit easier. Best of luck.

spottygymbag · 28/02/2021 09:07

I put them both in the mountain buggy double. Dd was 3 when DS arrived and it accommodates both. Or I'd put dd in the single and DS in wrap or front pack. Then one day I was late putting DS down for a nap and realized while I was faffing around he had put himself to sleep with no fuss.
From then on I stopped stressing and would roll him into the bassinet for his sleep. He has adjusted to DD's usual noise and will sleep through her shrieks, laughter and tantrums now.
Good luck!

Caterina99 · 01/03/2021 15:37

2 year gap. When dd was a baby she took a lot of naps in the pram, the car, and the baby carrier. I had an ergo 360 and would recommend it. We also had a bouncy chair that I could rock with my foot and then obviously I was free to continue my day once she was asleep. I used to just move it into the travel cot which we used as a playpen, or onto the kitchen table to keep her away from the toddler

Caterina99 · 01/03/2021 15:40

And yes I also remember laying baby dd down on a blanket on the floor and rushing off to deal with some drama with DS and I came back and she was fast asleep. So second babies often do just sort themselves out as they have no other choice

Original poster

MsFrog · 01/03/2021 15:46

Thanks everyone. I had good success with the sling yesterday, but have just walked an hour and a half with the pram and the little bugger is still awake!! We are just finding our rhythm, but reading all your replies helps me realise is it hard and it's not because I'm rubbish or not coping. And I know we'll get there eventually, and we'll just have to muddle along!

OP posts:

Mylittlepony374 · 01/03/2021 15:54

This was the hardest part of two under 2 for me I think.
I bunny hopped through a drive through one day because I'd somehow magically managed to drive them both to sleep and I was starving so kept rolling car back&forwards to keep them asleep while I got fries.i did a lot of driving around in those days.
My toddler loved to wake up baby too. I got her a pram and dolly and I used to rock baby to sleep pushing pram back&forwards in kitchen and she would rock her baby. That worked maybe 3 in 10 times... 😂
I also had a swing chair, from Mamas and Papas and baby would sometimes fall asleep in that if I popped him in and put a quietish TV programme on for toddler.
I also bribed my toddler a lot. Chocolate. Sweets. Whatever the fuck it took so she would keep quiet while I got her brother to sleep. Not the best parenting but she's actually the most well behaved 4 year old I know now - without bribes- so I don't think I've created a monster.
You have my sympathies. Just do whatever works would be my motto.

Babyboomtastic · 01/03/2021 19:59

I'd try for one good quality nap a day, and if the others were more mediocre, then so be it. My youngest slept in the sling a lot, especially when out and about.

When my toddler (nearly 2 when baby was born) still napped I'd tandem sling then (baby on front, toddler on back) and when they were asleep I'd get them down one by one. Or sometimes push one in the buggy whilst the other is in the sling, but you get the drift.

Once the youngest went down to 1 nap, and about the same time my eldest dropped her nap, I put my eldest in front of the TV whilst I got the youngest to sleep. The house would have to burn down before she moved so I've felt quite relaxed about that.

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