8month old just started nursery

[Tonic54]

My 8 month old has just started nursery, she will be going three days a week and two of them long days.

She's had three settling in tries where she just cried all the way through despite the staff doing their best. Looking for reassurance she will be ok, has anyone else had babies like this with nursery and how long did it take them to settle? I'm finding it so so upsetting. Thankyou.

I used to work in a nursery, we had a baby start at about 8 months and for the first week or so she cried and cried and cried, and I felt so sorry for the wee lamb. But after about a week she really was absolutely fine and loved it - all smiles and laughter, really got stuck in with it. She just needed that bit of time to get used to it and she was totally grand. Hopefully your wee girl will be the same

Thankyou for replying, oh a week seems a long time but at least she was happy after it, thankyou that's good to know.

It’s so hard to go through this, but my advice to you is that her tears are a good thing, in the sense that she is able to express to you how she feels. We have a huge social assumption that a ‘good’ child is a quiet and happy child, and as a result so many children and adults who experience lots of difficulties expressing their emotions. It’s just hard for us to see their distress and just be with it - but this is exactly what she needs. To be allowed to be upset at the biggest change in her wee life, it’s normal and natural. That’s not to make you feel bad, I’m sure there are reasons you need to put her in, but seeing it for the distressing experience that it is will help you support her.

In your position, I’d ask to extend the settling period and just keep going with small sessions and giving her so much cuddles and reassurance about it. Maybe at home talking a lot about separations, leaving her with partner for a little while and explaining you will be back. Young children feel such a range of emotions that it’s hard to fully connect with when they don’t speak, but you can still talk to her about everything that’s happening and she will understand more than you think.

And don’t be afraid to have a good cry and a cuddle yourself, as it’s natural for you to find it upsetting! This will help you keep calm and soothing for her when she is upset.

I also work in a nursery and now have a baby myself (on Mat leave). Some babies do struggle more than others, especially at that age, but doing 3 days she should settle quite quickly. Some parents like to do slightly shorter hours the first couple of weeks E.g. 10-3 rather than 8-6, is that an option for you?
Despite knowing myself how quickly they settle I’m still dreading taking my baby to nursery and she’s coming with me(!) so I totally get how hard it must be

Thanks for your replies, yes I have been doing some work at the weekends recently and she's been fine left with her dad. Think it's because she's not used to strangers due to covid so it must be so different and new for her. @merename that is interesting I think as she is so young and not verbal I forget that, I just keep telling her we need to be brave but should try talking to her more about it.

Yes this week I am picking her up earlier but then she has to cope as my job is very inflexible. Really wish I didn't have to go back.