My 5 year old barely eats

[madddddd]

So worried about her and don't want to make food an issue for her so looking for some advice on the best way to deal with it.

She's always been a very very picky/fussy eater, thought she would grow out of it but she hasn't.

She has a handful of meals she will eat, but recently she's even been going off them. I'm at my wits end, some days she will barely eat a thing, have no idea why she isn't starving.

For example today all she's had is

Breakfast- 2 slices of melon and a bite of a pancake

Lunch- a few bites of a sandwich, maybe 2 grapes and a yoghurt choob plus half a box of raisins

Snack after school was 2 more slices of melon

Supper- was chicken supreme and rice but she didn't even touch it, not one bite. Surely that's not enough for her to have in one day? She's not underweight, just very petite and dainty. But worried if she keeps this up she will start losing weight

Any ideas would really be appreciated

Forgot to add her snack in the morning was a bag of yoghurt raisins

She just likes sweet and somehow you are unwilling making it worse by giving her yoghurt raisins and plains raisins. They are candy. And the choob is an ultra-processed milk based dessert, even if sold in the yogurt section.

To get out of this hole, you need to make some changes and the very sweet treats she eats should be cut out if you want to have a chance to change the way she eats.
By higher quality yoghurt, and offer real fruit instead of raisins. Think about berries , not the sweetest fruit such as grapes.

At her age, you are all eating together I assume, so even if not eating she should stay with the family at the table and no alternative menus / choices should be given.

Did you give her something else as she didn’t eat her dinner?

My theory on this stuff is to not make food a battle and wait it out.

It’s hard and I try my best but my two are tricky but in different ways. Eldest is autistic also.

Anyway my rules are:

• I don’t comment on what they eat, only what I eat
• we all eat together
• they choose what they eat from what is on offer (we eat buffet style and I try to make sure there is always something I know they’ll eat)
• if they don’t want what’s on offer they can have weetabix or yoghurt or something like that (good quality yoghurt usually but also peppa pig sometimes!)
• we don’t really do puddings but occasionally do as a treat
• we (dh and I) talk about the food a lot - colour, texture, small etc etc This has made a big difference to my two year old who is more keen to try stuff now.

I try as far as possible to offer only “healthy” stuff but you know without being puritanical about it!

I also think we think kids need to eat more than they do. Call your gp if your concerned about her weight / nutrition.

I have a similar issue with my 3 year old. There is a very limited number of things she will eat and even then she won’t always eat them.

I try to go by this: some protein, some dairy, veg, some fruit.

Now she won’t have anything to do with red meat but will eat chicken and occasionally fish so I give a variety of chicken/fish, peas, carrot, raisins or apple and yogurt, she also gets whole milk and will very happily drink this.

I think this started during/following weaning as she ate really well at first and wasn’t at all fussy but we had some really severe issues with constipation when she was a little over a year old. The constipation issue has been mostly solved with making sure she eats raisins or other fruit but raisins work best and making sure she drinks plenty of fluids.

I’ll be honest and say that how little she eats really bothers me as I’ve 2 older DC who were both really good eaters, and in comparison she just eats hardly anything. That being said I’ve tried very hard not to make an issue of it, I offer her food and I leave it out for a long time so she can graze later if she suddenly decides she wants it. She’s a little small for her age, but my older DC were as well and now my eldest is lots taller than me. Development is all on track and she’s definitely growing so I try not to panic. I’m sure she will grow out of it when she’s ready.

I read somewhere once not to think of what she eats daily but rather to look at what/how much she’s eaten over a week and that it’s probably more than you think. I do this as indeed we have days when she’s hardly eaten and other days when she does better, it’s still not loads but is clearly enough for her as she’s growing and developing just fine.

What about pasta in white sauce? I make a really high cal version of this for DN and use it to hide caulflower, pureed chicken, three or four types of cheese, whole milk, and will sometimes use ground almonds instead of plain flour for the sauce. (You need to whizz the sauce up after it thickens if it’s lumpy). It’s 500-600 calories but in a fairly small portion and she’ll eat it all.

I'd try and offer what you know she'll eat and tweak it/add something new on the side.

Other suggestion, if she'll eat it, is homemade rice pudding afterwards. Cheap as chips, easy to make (so long as you have enough time) and means you have something filling and reasonably nutritious after meals if need be. I'd also keep a food diary - I now know that my children randomly have hungry and less hungry days.

Try not to stress, though, although I know it's easier said than done. My 13 YO DD has always had the appetite of a bird, until recently - she is currently permanently starving but it has taken me until now to realise that she's a grazer - she just can't eat that much at a meal even if she's starving immediately before it without feeling uncomfortably full. She has a range of other sensory quirks, though, so I think much is linked to that. I just have a fridge stocked with cheese, dairy stuff and lots of carbs as that's her thing.

Ask your GP regarding her weight if you're still worried - we had a referral to a dietician when she was younger but their conclusion was that she ate well enough. And make sure you use a good multi vit - I had always been a bit against them, having been told it was better to get vitamins from food, but it's good for the peace of mind.

The other thing I'd say is that all children are different. I have four, and they all have widely different tastes, despite having been
catered for by me. As well as my picky one, I have a real gourmet, one who has what I deem a fairly average diet and loves fruit, and one who is happy to try absolutely anything but will always go for hummus and veg if it's an option (no idea where he came from).

It does make a complete mockery of all the weaning advice, particularly when my eldest was the one who had the most effort put in!

Good luck, it's horrible when food is a concern. I still can't work out how anyone who loves food as me can have someone so picky!

Check out Avoidant and Restricted Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). There are also Facebook groups you can read through to help you decide whether it's relevant to you/her.

@Cormoran

I understand that but most other fruits she won't eat, it's not for lack of me offering them. She won't eat normal yoghurts. I can't force feed her so obviously I give her what I know she's going to eat. I always offer new things to her, she always has the same as what we have for meals but also make sure it's something I know she's likely to eat.
Even things she doesn't usually eat I often offer to her on the plate but she's very headstrong and won't touch something that she hasn't liked in the past. I totally get that it's probably a vicious cycle but I'm very conscious about making food a big issue and I don't want to do that so she helps me choose meals. She even helps me make them most nights but that doesn't seem to help. We always all eat together and I limit distractions at the table so no tablets or tv on while we eat. But it just doesn't seem to work. For example her favourite meal is macaroni cheese. I know she loves it, some days when I make it she clears the bowl but others she won't even have one bite.
I did speak to the health visitor about it and she said some children are just naturally very picky and don't need a lot to function. She also said that even if I think she hasn't eaten a lot then as long as she is sleeping fine then she's had enough food. She told me that if she was hungry she would waken up in the night and that's when I would know she hasn't had enough food. She sleeps really well and never wakes up in the night, I have 3 other children who eat great, aren't fussy and have a very varied and healthy diet.

Of all the dessert-like foods she eats, the fruits are the only real food, so keep them on.
Can't you make a deal with her, she can pick the food she wants as long as it is food that it is real and that she can describe.

Here are the ingredients of products similar to the one you describe. and you might want to look what "shellac" as a food additive is.

Choob

Skimmed Milk, Sugar 7.2%, Cream (Milk), Skimmed Milk Powder, Modified Manioc and Maize Starch, Calcium Citrate, Natural Flavourings, Stabiliser: Guar Gum, Acid: Citric Acid, Preservative: Potassium Sorbate, Lactic Cultures (Milk), Vitamin D

Yoghurt flavoured raisins
Raisins (35%), Sugar, Vegetable Oil (Palm Oil, Coconut Oil, Sunflower Oil), Whey Powder (Milk), Yogurt Powder (1%) (Milk), Flavouring, Emulsifier: Soya Lecithin, Glazing Agents: Gum Arabic, Shellac, Tapioca Starch, Glucose, Acidity Regulator: Citric Acid

I get the "I don't want to make a big deal about food" but giving ultra processed food is not the right option. So to avoid a problem you are pushing another one.

There is picky eating and ultra-processed eating.

@Cormoran

She's just turned 5 years old, she has no idea about foods that "are real and she can describe"

To her it's just food. Maybe those two things aren't the best choices and it's easy to sit behind a screen and tell me what I shouldn't be feeding her. But when it comes down to her eating or not eating I know which one I'm going to choose.

I offer her a very varied and healthy diet and yes there are a few processed foods thrown in there but what child doesn't eat processed foods nowadays. I won't be made to feel guilty or bad for that.

That was just one days food for example on Monday she had for breakfast a few spoons of porridge, for a snack she had half an apple. Lunch was a ham salad wrap with grated cheese on the side that she ate a few bites of but did eat all the cheese, Snack in the afternoon was blueberries and a couple of crackers with cheese spread and then supper was macaroni that she did eat most of. She doesn't always have processed foods like I said.

Have you weighed how much she’s eating? So weigh the sandwich or wrap and cheese portion and so on before or after (without her seeing)? You can then work out calories and nutrition from that. I had a friend who thought her daughter ate nothing, turned out she was within normal limits when all food was weighed and recorded. If your daughter is actually eating this little, I’d get a professional involved who’s more experienced than the health visitor and check her weight to make sure she isn’t failing to thrive.

@MagpieSong

No I haven't done that, but will Definately do that, that's a good idea.
she is only little and petite, always has been, and doesn't look underweight to me. But maybe would be a good idea to get her weight properly checked by an expert, I think I'll try and speak to my doctor to see what they say.
I'm not concerned about her weight at all at the minute, but my worry is if she continues to eat as little as she has been because she's so small anyway weight loss will be very noticeable quite quickly.

My 6 yo looks underweight, eats like it’s going out of fashion. The toddler is a fussy beast but still has toddler tummy and thigh creases.

I have no advice, but heartfelt sympathies. I find it incredibly worrying when they don’t eat. My toddler is a beast for food being control, sometimes I can’t be in the room with her when she eats as I stress too much.

Do you give a multivitamin? (And does anyone know a multivitamin a 20month old will actually eat?? No joy with any of the liquids...)

If her weight and height are within normal range, and proportionate to what would be expected in your family, I wouldn't worry. Keep offering her a reasonable diet (and I mean reasonable by real world standards, not Mumsnet standards where a raisin is on a par with crack). Keep offering new foods alongside familiar foods you know she eats.

I've known a lot of picky small children, and they all survived.

@OiYouGetOffMyCloud

Yes she gets a multivitamin every day it's one of the jelly ones..not sure if they can be given to 20 months old? You would have to check. I remember the fight trying to get her to take the liquid one when she was younger 😂

No, they’re 3+ 🙁 I’ve contemplated cutting one in half 😂

Check her BMI. If she’s within the percentile range don’t panic. Mine traveled along the very bottom percentile and are healthy, bright and lucky to be slim. Most kids are quite chubby these days which makes normal slender kids look tiny.

It’s very normal to have days they eat less and sometimes weeks or months they eat less. If she’s a normal size she is getting enough food over all. Important that you don’t over worry and create food issues.

I’d leave her to it, let her eat what she likes and wants (within reason). Have you tried letting her serve herself at mealtimes? Some children don’t need very much and that’s fine.

I know it’s a worry, but don’t let her pick up on that. Once normal appointments start to go ahead, you could ask to be referred to a dietician if you think that would help.

One of our twin girls is awkward with food atm. She even hides food so that I don't always know she's not eaten, until I pull out the chair and discover quarters of sandwiches down there. Our eldest did the same for a while, we had to sit and watch her eat or she'd dispose of it. This one has dropped from the 57th centile to 33rd since September so we are quite worried about that. I make set meals because she's one of 5, I make odd allowances for her within meals. She's not keen on chilli so she'll have a chicken fillet with the other bits instead but still a small amount of the chilli too. Just to make sure she's having the calories but I do insist she has some of each meal too and hope she will eventually start eating more of it again. If I give her spag bol I make sure the mince is to the side of the pasta rather than on top and she eats more overall that way. I think she'll outgrow the fussiness eventually, but then the eldest still goes through phases of not liking things.

I think when you have other children who eat really well then you get one that just picks and eats very little it's hard not to compare and worry. But maybe the fact is she's little and dainty and naturally slim and just doesn't have a big appetite. I never ever show her that I'm concerned or let her hear me mention it because I'm very conscious that it could then create issues.

Her dad is very tall and muscular/big built and has a very very good appetite, I am very small and petite too but do eat well, so obviously she's just taken her size from me. I Definately wouldn't say she's too skinny, yes she's thin but with compared to her height and her features she looks healthy and normal so could just be me worrying over nothing. It is hard not to panic when she has the days that she eats very very little though. I think sometimes I do overthink it.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

This made me laugh 😂😂😂 I'm all for feeding kids healthy and nutritious meals, but I think the odd "processed" treat is fine and won't feel bad for that

@Chelyanne

She is exactly like that, won't eat anything if it's touching. So we have one of those sectioned plates for her so that everything is seperate and she Definately eats slightly better with that

I have an identical 6 year old. She eats a few things but refuses 80% of what her peers would eat at this age. Plus we are vegetarian so even fewer options to begin with. It's a horrible vicious cycle. School meals have helped a bit with getting her to try new things. She's petite but I am not too worried about that. I am mainly concerned that her energy levels are poor and she's gets exhausted sooner than her classmates and is reduced to tears while they go on playing etc. Hoping she will grow out of it but she just seems to be getting more headstrong! Sympathies...

@TeenTitan007

That sounds exactly like my girl. We went to the park and for a walk in the woods at the weekend and within 20 minutes she was crying wanting to go home saying she was "soooo tired"

She’s a normal size, nothing to worry about