Alternative Godparents?

[NoviceKnitter]

Not religious but quite like the idea of significant adults with special role in LO's life. What do GPs actually do, how many do you have and have you done anything similar but alternative and what did you call them?

I don't have any because my parents didn't have us baptised. There were times in my adolescent/young adult life when I would have liked to have a significant adult to turn to.

I am a significant adult to my friend's son. She is bringing him us as a Catholic so they call me godmother but I didn't actually stand up in church at his Christening. Another adult did that and the understanding is that he is responsible for the religious side of things. The serious part of my role in his life is the fact that I speak two languages. None of his family speak two languages except his mother so if something were to happen to her, the idea is that I would be able to communicate what he tells me to both sets of grandparents.

We are religious, and both girls have the same set of godparents... my brother and SIL.

There isnt much other than being there for them they can do at the moment, they are still their aunty and uncle anyway.

the godparent thing i think should be saved for religious families and religious people to assist in the religious bringing up of the child, all of which I know sits right with our family.

I think it depends what "special role" you want these people to carry out

I don't have bothers and sisters and although lots of friends who will take an interest in my children I think some kind of named role could ensure that gap is filled.

We had a humanist naming ceremony for DS with three "godparents" (we threw around various options for titles, including "oddparents" (DH's favourite, and I did like it), "mentors", "special friends" or "supporting adults", but went with calling them "godparents" and stuck a bit in the ceremony about how the word wasn't being used in a religious sense, but to describe the social relationship, or something like that).

Of the three of them, one makes a special effort to come and visit DS every couple of months, and plan outings involving him. Another is similar but not quite so much effort and not quite so often IYSWIM. Those two also give him interesting birthday and Christmas presents. The third doesn't really do anything at the moment, but I suspect will come into her own more when DS is older (she doesn't really "do" small children).

What we said to them when asking is that the "job" of a parent is to be impartial between their children so far as possible; what we wanted "godparents" to do was to be significant adults in our child's life who took a specific interest in him more than any siblings, to give him an alternative adult view on things and be a non-parental figure he could approach about stuff he might not want to talk to us about, for whatever reason.

We're not a bit religious, but have asked my BIL and his wife to be the DC's alternate parents. What this means in practice is that if anything were to happen to us, they would be the DC's guardians. We make a special effort to let the kids stay over at their house occasionally, and to be comfortable in their family and their way of doing things. This is nice as they get to play with their cousins, and also they have a sense of a bigger family unit than just us. Of course BIL and SIL ARE blood family, but it wouldn't make a difference if they weren't. You just need to share some important values (which for us includes atheism, so maybe they are the opposite of godparents!!).

Oh, and your DC's can call whoever you choose auntie and uncle, even if they're not.

The main role of Godparents is to pray for the child.

we have a guardian/non religious god parent type role for our dd. We are not religious and its more so that if anything happened to either one of us they would be willing to step and be a guardian or be a long term presence in the life of our child which they are anyway. We chose a good friend of ours. I think the point of choosing them is that is gives your child an outside adult to speak to and that in the event of something major happening to you there is an outside supportive adult around.

Both my dds have godparents. We're not religious, in any conventional sense, and not of Christian upbringing either - but chose to keep the word for convenience and because we do have spiritual values and beliefs, if somewhat vague.

We thought dd1 was going to be an only child (aged parents!) so chose the best friends for the job - we wanted her to have other adults she could go to, confide in, feel at home with. She has two godmothers and one godfather.

When dd2 arrived, we were a bit stuck because anyone else felt like second best so she has two godfathers - the dhs of dd1's two godmothers - and one godmother.

I asked them to think about what role they wanted to play, and they came up trumps - we had a naming party for dd1 (not got round to it but will for dd2) and each godparent said something about dd, and what they hoped they'd be able to bring to her life.

They're very different people, covering straight/gay/older/younger/with young kids/with old kids/with no kids. What they have in common is their strong bonds with us as a family, integrity, honesty, and love.

HTH!

Thanks, that's really helpful. I suppose it's a thing about formalising an affectionate role in this way, esp in case something happens to me and dp - i think people would be flattered to be asked to have a special role - i know i would be tho haven't been asked.

Exactly

Enjoy the process and congrats on your LO!

I come from a deeply unreligious background. My parents chose "secular godparents" for us, and I loved having adults who had a special relationship that was somehow formal.

We're going to do the same for our baby. We're moving even further away from the religious model by choosing two gay godfathers . They will also be guardians, and were delighted to be asked.

I'd like our daughter to feel that there were other adults in the world who took a very close interest in her welfare, and whom she could go to if for whatever reason she didn't want to talk to us. Husband and I sat down one day and went through our and all our friends' philosophical and moral positions on everything, and then chose the closest matches.

I think it's a great idea to give people a formal supporting role in your child's life.

In our case, they are Godparents and all are members of our church. But having seen how valuable they are, I'm sure we would want to have a similar set-up even if we weren't religious.

We have the same set of Godparents for both our children. They are a married couple with slightly older children ("the Godsisters", who take their role very seriously!) and an older lady who is about the same age as our parents. We see them a lot and they have a genuine role in supporting us and being special friends/mentors to our daughters.

They have done copious amounts of babysitting, provided lots of imaginative and thoughtful presents for the girls, been called out in the middle of the night to help with medical crises and generally been there when we needed them. And it has deepened our friendship into something quite special.

I would say that it is very valuable to ask people who you actually see a lot, because it makes the role so much more meaningful for the children. DD1 (now 5) is so close to all her Godparents and loves having them around.

Having an older person has also been great, because all the grandparents live a long way away, so it has been a good way of bridging the generation gap and valuing the role of an older generation in the girls' lives.

Go for it!

PS - One of them has just arrived at the front door with a huge bunch of flowers, because it's my birthday. How's that for service!!!

We called ours guideparents - seemed like a good name for them as I hope they'll give ds guidance in life....he has 3 - all women who are very close friends of mine and dh's and all offer different things.

DS3 had a naming ceremony, sisters were called odd-parents (name suggested by celebrant)

None of the ds's Godaprents (other two nbaptised) have been significant although one friend makes an effort for ds322, just her life isnt in a good place. One vanished when we moved but didnt like DS1 going round as her house was the opposite of chidlfriendly (glass coffee tables anyone?), the others are uncles- one is fine, other is complex and we havent seen him for quite a while.