Bedtime

[Midgeymoo12]

Looking for some advice on bedtime. 5 year old with some behavioural issues ? ADHD but paediatrics will not assess until 6 years old. We are really struggling at bedtime. We do everything “by the book” - no screen time before bed, careful to avoid sugar in snacks etc, usually a bath and then bed at around 7. He is very bright - we read to him and then he reads a book for 15 mins or so - loves to read Roald Dahl or Tom Gates. I tuck him in, hubby tucks him in...and then the games begin. Running out of him room, running downstairs...we put him back but it escalates until we all get very stressed. He goes to sleep by 830/930 but it is a very stressful hour and we have little time to unwind at end of the day.

Not sure what else we can do / how we can keep him in his room for him to accept he needs to relax and go to sleep.

We have tried audiobooks but we find anything that stimulates him just drags it out. Also tried a little mindfulness and foot massage. It is like he doesn’t want to let his body relax.

Never been great at bedtime but it has come to a head over the last 4 weeks. Once asleep he does sleep until 630/7. Rarely sleeps beyond 7.

Thanks in advance x

Is he just not tired enough? If you start bedtime at 8pm, does he still go to sleep 8.30/9.30pm?
Same time, but less stress all around maybe

Thanks. Have considered that but nervous we may be up until 10/1030!! Perhaps we will try that one night x

I let my 5 yo read longer than that. We have smart lights so we sat she can read until we dim her lights and then we turn it off 2 mins after we dim them. It depends when she goes to bed, we tend to turn them off at 8:15 at the latest so if she's in bed at 7 she could have been reading an hour. She also does low level activity book type things like cross words. She does also have an audiobook which is usually the audio version of then book she's just finished last so the story is very familiar.

how we can keep him in his room for him to accept he needs to relax and go to sleep.

I’m afraid this is probably not what you want to hear but I’m not sure you can. My DS1 (now diagnosed ADHD) struggled to go to sleep from around the same age and I ended up just accepting that was how his body clock was set. My advice would be to focus on finding things that your DS can do on his own in his room quietly - reading, playing, drawing - for an hour or so, as long as he agrees to stay in his room. It will be much more restful for him than running around and much less stressful for you as you will be able to start your evening. Sorry if that doesn’t help. Good luck x

Thanks for the advice - he would happily sit and read for much longer. However, @Munkeenutwhat what happens when you actually say lights out and go to sleep - we find we are back to square one whatever has gone before?!

I think his bedtime is far too early. According to the article below 10 hours sleep maybe enough by for some 5 year olds. That means if he is waking at 6.30/7 then he doesn’t to go to sleep until 8.30/9. Is he tired during the day? Do you think he is currently not getting enough sleep.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need/

Could you do a test and leave him to fall asleep of his own accord (just say goodnight and leave him with his books/toys)?. It sounds like you going in and telling him to put his lights out/go to sleep is the trigger for the running around etc. Is there a reason you need to go in? I know you would like him to sleep earlier, but he may be getting enough. Does he seem tired or irritable during the day?

Sleep has been pushed back in our house this lockdown. I now try to get the 4 year old out of the bath and in her own room by 8. And then she has stories and is then left with the light on and books and toys to amuse herself until she falls asleep. If that is later than I would like then it’s a battle that I don’t think is worth having. The main thing is that she is in her room entertaining herself! My 8 year old also stays awake reading until she is ready to go to sleep. I don’t have a ‘lights out time’ because I don’t feel the need. They are staying in their rooms, they are falling asleep when they are tired, and we don’t have to get up too early for school right now, so we are doing what makes us all happy.

Thanks for advice. We do find he needs a bit more than 10 hours - if he gets sleep deprived it doesn’t help his behaviour during the day. We have always let him go to sleep on his own - just recent weeks he has started to then keep getting up out of bed, wandering around and coming downstairs repeatedly so we all get increasingly aggravated making bedtime stressful.

@Bimblybomeyelash sounds lovely but I wouldn’t be asking for advice if we could run bedtime like this! All children are different - my daughter is great at bedtime, no problems. If I left my son to play with him toys and decide his own bedtime he would still be awake at midnight! The kids are attending school at the moment too so we do need to keep a good routine.

Hmmm that’s tricky OP. I assume you’ve tried all reward-based options! Would more exercise during the day be feasible/help at all do you think? One thing suggested for my DS was to lie in bed and gradually go round every muscle group in the body, tensing as hard as possible for a few seconds, then relaxing. It takes a while, but does have the effect of relaxing the body. Sorry not to be more help.

Try a weighted blanket