3 month old evening routine advice

[Newbiemum20]

Hi guys just looking for some advice! We are finally getting a better night's sleep with my 3 month old, she is now sleeping through from 9pm up until 5am, where she'll have a quick feed and then go back down for a couple of hours before getting up at 7.30am.

However me and my DH don't get any evenings as from 6pm - 9pm she's grotty and wants to be held, she can go in her bouncer for a little bit while I cook dinner but that's it. I can tell she's tired but absolutely hates the Moses basket we have downstairs for her and will only sleep in the Next2Me cot. I want to start putting her upstairs in the Next2Me (with the side safely up) while we are downstairs, with the video baby monitor, but is she too young to be left alone? I know advise is be in the same room as them to sleep up until 6 months, but how do you get into an earlier bedtime routine without going to bed that early yourself?

You’ll get a huge mixture of responses on here including mums that kept babies downstairs at night until 6 months, mums who sat upstairs in dark rooms until 6 months and those who put them to sleep in bedrooms from this age. It ends up coming down to what you feel comfortable with.
With my DC I did things differently - DD was like yours and miserable in the lounge and couldn’t sleep with the light and noise so from 4 months I put her in our room and she settled much better and checked her every 15 mins. My DS slept in his Moses basket in the lounge until about 5 months as he would actually sleep and then when he stopped settling in there I moved him to the bedroom

My son is 4 months old and goes down to sleep upstairs at 9.30pm. One of us goes to bed with him at that point which means we haven’t had much of an evening either because he is usually also very irritable and tired between about 8pm bedtime. I’ve heard that during the first 6months babies regulate their breathing whilst asleep through your own breathing so personally I am not willing to let him sleep alone until the 6 month mark. We are just grinning and bearing it until then when we plan to use a baby monitor while my son is asleep upstairs and hopefully claim our evenings back! For the time being I’m just trying to enjoy downtime on my phone in bed from 9.30pm onwards.

Can you out her in a sling/carrier in the evening?

The advice is for baby to be with you for all sleeps until 6 months, my son is nearly 6 months and feeds to sleep on the sofa and then comes up to bed with us at ten and goes in his next to me (not that he sleeps in that either after the 4 month regression!) Personally I wouldn't go against the guidance, it's not just about you being able to keep an eye on baby, they regulate their breathing by being near you and SIDS risk peaks between 2-4 months. I do know how you feel, I would love a bit of time on an evening and I'm not sure my baby will go down in his cot upstairs even when he's 6 months!

Thanks guys. Yes think we'll carry on as we are, you're right it is only for a short time and I just want to be safe, TBH I doubt I could relax anyway if she was upstairs! I'm dreading the 4 month sleep regression as I feel so happy we have her sleeping so long at night! Don't want to say goodbye to that next month!! - is it as bad as they say?!

@Newbiemum20
I have a (nearly) 4 month son and we are exactly the same! We don't get much of an evening together and tend to go to bed when he goes to bed after his last bottle. We have him in his bouncer, playmat or hold him whilst we make and eat dinner and watch a bit of TV. But his last feed can be anywhere from 8 until 10 depending on the timings of the day. After his bottle all go upstairs and put our pjs on read DS a story and then put him to sleep in his next to me crib. Me and my DH just lie in bed chatting (although we can't always hear each other over the bloody white noise machine) or we read for a bit. My DS used used sleep trying and wake to be settled around 3ish and then sleep until 7ish. However the past 4 or 5 nights he has been awake more frequently needing settling. Last night he went sleep at 9.45pm and then was awake at 12, 1.20, 1.40, 4, 5.10 and then awake at 6.30 for the day. I am absolutely shattered!! I don't know if it is the 4 month sleep regression or not! Me and my DH swap sides of the bed each night and 'take it in turns' but I still wake up when he cries. Annoyingly I'm also struggling to go back to sleep when DS is finally asleep!! Lots of caffeine needed today I think. But I'm the same as you and don't quite feel comfortable to put him on a baby monitor yet and leave him upstairs xx

For the first six months evenings tend to be a write off. Makes you appreciate them more when you get them back.

@Newbiemum20

Thanks guys. Yes think we'll carry on as we are, you're right it is only for a short time and I just want to be safe, TBH I doubt I could relax anyway if she was upstairs! I'm dreading the 4 month sleep regression as I feel so happy we have her sleeping so long at night! Don't want to say goodbye to that next month!! - is it as bad as they say?!

@Newbiemum20 My DS is 15 weeks old has just hit the regression with full force this week 😅 He’s never been a great sleeper but we were just starting to get into a better routine then this hit 😓 I try to have him in his bedside crib by 7.30/8 and I just go to bed with him then too and try and get what sleep I can 🙈 he wakes at 10.30/11 for a feed, struggles to get back to sleep until about 12/12.30 then wakes at 2.30/3 for a feed...then stirs every 20 minutes until he can’t be resettled anymore and is ready to get up at 6am ish 😭 so I’m awake everyday from about 2.30am 😳 His daytime naps that were 1-2hours 3x per day are now anything from 20mins to an hour and he’ll only nap if I hold him 😅 hoping the regression will pass quickly because I’m not sure how much longer I can survive the 2.30am start 🙈😅

Personally I feel it’s too young to be left alone on the video monitor so I keep DS with me 99% of the time. We’ve just had to switch to formula so I do have a monitor set up that I switch on so I can run and make his bottle when he starts stirring and can have it ready by the time he’s fully awake.

@DisneyGirl2387 this is what I'm afraid of! I wonder if your little one is hitting the 4 month sleep regression. Sending love, yes keep loading up on the coffee! We had quite a nice evening yesterday, we watched a film on the sofa and she fell asleep on my chest and then we just put her to bed at 10 when we then when up to bed. So I guess its not too bad and we can still kind of chill. x

@Newbiemum20 What are her daytime naps like? Our DD is 14 weeks and used to be very fussy in the evenings - it was hit or miss whether we’d finish eating before rushing her upstairs and there were usually tears getting her to feed. She’s much better if we manage a nap about 5:30/6pm to get her through to 8pm bedtime. Though who knows whether the difference is what we’re doing or general development... Unfortunately after months of feeling smug that she would do 8 or 9 hour stretches of sleep several times a week we’re now grateful for 3 hours in a row, and often up hourly from about 1am, with daytime naps almost always just 30 mins. Judging by others’ comments this sounds like the dreaded “regression”. Good luck to us all! 🤪 (And in answer to your original question, I go up with her at 8pm to feed then go to sleep myself. I need it! One perk of lockdown is DH WFH so at least we do get to see each other in the day even though evenings are over quickly. But like you say, it’s a short phase and these first months will pass quickly.)

@DisneyGirl2387 Same with not always getting back to sleep before the next wake up 😫 It is utterly maddening. I’ve even taken the drastic step of not eating chocolate in the evenings in case the caffeine was keeping me up 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve got a 20 week old. I found she was really grumpy in the evenings so decided to force an upstairs nap at about 630/7. This has very quickly become her bedtime - she struggles to go past 6pm most days so I take her up for her bath then. I tend to sit with her for an hour after her bath whilst she sleeps, pop down for some dinner and a sit down (but with video monitor on and going back up to check regularly) and then I go up about 930 to do her dream feed and then go to bed myself. This is really working for us at the moment, but it could change at any given time I know!

@BerthaYoung after the horrible newborn stage of being up hourly, it's been amazing to get those 8 hour stretches, (haha I know the feeling of starting to feel smug!) she's done a record of 9pm-5am 7 days in a row now and I already don't want give that up!! 😫😫 - but these comments are terrifyingly me! Ahh looks like next month I'm in for a shock! Oh well, hopefully the stage passes quickly for us all. Me and DH have already said, we are definitely stopping at one, I love my sleep too much!

@BerthaYoung day time naps aren't great, she usually does a few throughout the day but usually no more than around 30mins - 45 mins at a time

Same here with short naps. Some people think it’s a sign of over-tiredness or under-tiredness (helpful...) but I’ve read it’s normal for this stage in their development. I’ve also read that fussy evenings can be an accumulation of sensory overload through the day. Could you try a nap 6-6:30 to buy yourselves a happier time in the evening? We still find cooking and eating a challenge in the evenings but DD is definitely more easygoing when she’s had a late afternoon/early evening sleep. I’m finding Huckleberry app useful for working out wake times and giving me a bit of structure to the day. Keeping on top of four/five naps a day is hard!