My mother has bubbled with us and provides some childcare for my two year old whilst I look after my baby, which is a godsend and I’m so grateful to her. She is a very loving Nan and my daughter loves her very much.
However my mum is extremely cautious with my daughter to the point that she flat out refuses to let her try to do things for herself. Examples include feeding herself with a fork (which she does at home, quite messily, but generally successfully), drinking from an open cup, walk up and down stairs, walking outside in general (my mum puts my toddler in a pram or if my daughter demands to walk, my mum puts reins on her and holds them so short and tight like a dog on a lead which my daughter says hurts her). The worst is at the playground where she follows her up every bit of play equipment and won’t let her slide down the slide without holding an adult’s hand. With the cold weather recently, my mum got into daily battles with my daughter on our walks over my daughter keeping on her gloves, hat and pram blanket in case of hypothermia. I told my mum not to make a big deal out of it because my toddler picks up on it and becomes defiant but my mum doesn’t listen. My daughter has recently begun to have tantrums in protest which ruin large parts of the day. I think she’s feeling stifled and her behaviour constantly patrolled.
I experienced this in my childhood too and always found my mum overbearing, not only safety-wise, but also over schoolwork, appearance, food etc. How do I gently ask her to ease up without upsetting her? I love the fact she’s so close to my daughter and I love the support she gives me but I’m starting to think she’s becoming the type of over-cautious and controlling presence she was when I was little. How can I get her to relax?