Me and babies dad spilt when baby was 5 and half months old. Our daughter has now just turned 10 month old. I’ve breastfed her, never been able to express much and baby won’t take a bottle anyway. Although taking solids as well, baby still breastfeeds on demand. So I’ve never ever left her with dad, I take her to see him on a Saturday. He’s recently started asking to take her out of his own for a few hours ONCE a week, he has got into a new relationship already which is why I believe he now wants to start taking her out for a few hours. To cut a long story short if I do say so he is an absolute waste off space never helped or supported me with her, recently gone 3 weeks without seeing or even contacting me about her to see how she is. I won’t go into too much detail but there’s countless reasons why I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with him he’s quite nasty and sometimes violent, simply put I not believe he is a very stable man, let alone a ‘fit parent’ and I can’t trust him with her at all. Baby is very clingy to me, she gets separation anxiety even if I leave the room for five mins. I think as she’s a lockdown baby that’s not never left my side this has made it worse, plus I’ve pretty much raised her on my own. However, please tell me other people struggle to leave there babies?! I just can’t seem to leave her she’s only 10 month old and I have all these issues with babies dad! And plus I just don’t think it is best in her interest as she gets sooo worked up with out me. Ps it is nothing to do with him having a new girlfriend as I’ve only JUST found this out and I’ve never wanted to leave baby. I’m also very content with not being with babies dad it was my choice to leave as he was so awful towards me when baby was here.
Anyway I’ve received a message tonight from his new girlfriend stating ‘I've met him and he has a baby and I accept that, I'm not here to step on anyone's toes and I don't want to get in the way of ... being a dad just wanted you to know that’
Is it just me that feels like she’s trying to cause trouble? I just feel she is trying to get a reaction from me? Plus she’s attempting to insinuate that I haven’t left our daughter because off her?
I also feel she could be pushing babies dad into pressuring me to leave/let him take her out for a few hours.
Babies dad also states he will take me court if I don’t allow him a few hours a week. What baby with separation anxiety from mother is going to get to know their father from 2 hours ONCE a week? Absolutely mental and it scares me, for the sake of my daughter that if he went to court he will be granted this and it won’t be in my daughters best interest and they won’t take any off my reasons why I haven’t left her into consideration!
SO sorry for the long post but need opinions my first baby so never been in a situation like this before! Thanks for reading
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Struggling with my babies dad and his new girlfriend!
LoLo1304 · 17/02/2021 10:16
Call me cynical, but it seems your baby's father hasn't been bothered about seeing his dd or sticking to the arrangements you tried to put in place. You agreed for him to see her every Saturday for a couple of hours and he quite often didn't turn up, made excuses, in fact he's been too "busy" for the last three weeks to even contact you at all.
I would guess that his new girlfriend (of a few weeks) has found out he has a daughter and is encouraging him to have a relationship with his child.
He's still in the first phase of trying to impress her so has insinuated you're a bit of a "mad jealous ex" who's preventing him access; the tired old line most crap dads use on their new girlfriends. That would explain her rather odd text about "not getting in the way of him being a dad".
I mean the only thing getting in the way of him being a dad so far is that he hasn't bothered to turn up and see his own baby 
I would take the advice of others on here; allow him to resume visits to see dd weekly in your home, actually caring for her, changing nappies, soothing her, getting her down for a nap then build up to him taking her for a walk. I really don't think his girlfriend should be involved at this stage with visits.
She's new and you don't want to set a precedent of your child being introduced to every new girlfriend on the scene. She also shouldn't be driving this, it needs to come from him wanting to commit to being a father, even if his gf walks away.
We're also in covid times. It would be sensible to limit the number of people your child is in regular contact with.
You are within your rights to request supervised (by you) visits while dd is breastfed. Let's see if he can actually commit to weekly visits, he hasn't so far 
This would be a good time to sort out maintenance as well if he's not providing financial support.
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