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Original poster

Leaving newborns with grandparents overnight

33 replies

theroux21 · 16/02/2021 23:14

Hey,
I’m a first time mum and my baby is 6 weeks old. He is currently combi fed but mainly breastfed throughout the day (he has a major appetite and breastfeeding alone isn’t enough). I had quite a traumatic birth and still haven’t fully recovered and have been struggling physically and emotionally since. We’re also in the middle of a very stressful move - moving during a pandemic isn’t as easy as you’d think😅.

My mother has offered to have him overnight. They have a lovely bond already. She is a social worker and had her own baby not too long ago, and so trust her wholeheartedly with my baby. He would be with her for a max of 15 hours (6pm-9am). We live in the same village too (5 min drive) so not too far away just in case we need to get to her quickly. I feel really guilty even considering it but am also seriously desperate for a little bit of rest.

But is it too soon to leave him overnight? Is it likely to effect our bond? Is it unfair to put both him and my mum through an overnight stay? This wouldn’t be a recurring thing - just a one off to try and help feel a bit more normal.

Seriously do not know what to do!! Any opinions welcome :)

we are in a support bubble as she is in a single household - we won’t be breaking any lockdown rules

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sandgrown · 16/02/2021 23:17

I had my grandson at about 6 weeks to give my daughter a break . It was lovely and he was fine .

rhowton · 16/02/2021 23:17

We did it with both of our newborns! My mum was there most days and was very close to my DDs. She still is.

duckme · 16/02/2021 23:39

We did this. It was so needed and did us the world of good.

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ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/02/2021 23:42

The only opinion that matters here is yours! I know people that did sleepovers at a few weeks, and others that still haven’t yet at a few years. But there is nothing wrong with it, it won’t affect your bond (although maybe your milk flow, so you might need to pump) and a happy rested mum is good for baby.

SoThisisMe · 16/02/2021 23:43

I did with second DC when he was about 8 days old. I was so tired I thought I might die. Irrational, but that's how I felt. One good nights sleep and I felt so, so much better. If you need it, do it.

Ohnomoreno · 16/02/2021 23:45

Yo what you feel comfortable with. Just be warned it can be a roller-coaster of contradictions. You want rest, but then miss them and get upset and anxious - or maybe that is just me.

MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat · 16/02/2021 23:45

It's totally up to you. Mine haven't had sleepovers until aged 2+ because I haven't needed them to. There's no right or wrong answer.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 16/02/2021 23:45

He knows her well, and he takes a bottle. If you're happy to, great. Enjoy it!

Onedropbeat · 16/02/2021 23:46

Our firstborn stayed overnight with grandparents at 12 weeks and it saved my sanity

Second born wouldn’t take a bottle so hasn’t stayed overnight yet

I hope they can soon though

Ginfordinner · 16/02/2021 23:48

Your boobs might feel they are going to explode if you don't feed or express for 15 hours.

LoveFall · 16/02/2021 23:52

We looked after all of our grandchildren as infants for overnights, and for many full days. We never had them for more than one night at a time until they were about 3.

Their Mum expressed milk so we used that and bottle fed. Worked fine. Yes, we had a few wobbles with crying etc. but nothing we couldn't handle as experienced parents ourselves.

It was a great experience and I think it helped us bond with them.

They are teens now and we are still close.

I will always treasure a moment with one as a toddler. We were eating dinner together, and chatting to him as we did with our kids. Suddenly he gave us a big grin and said, "Grandma and Grandpa talking to me!"

whattodo2019 · 16/02/2021 23:54

definitely let your mum help. my mum had my DD from 4 weeks for the night and then the weekend. it was amazing

TrinityWaves · 16/02/2021 23:55

My mum and dad had my DC to stay overnight from newborn, they all have a wonderful bond now, so I see absolutely no issue. I know some people are quite horrified at the idea of this though in real life so lovely to see a supportive thread.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 17/02/2021 01:51

God id love this to be an option for me.

PerveenMistry · 17/02/2021 02:44

Omg he'll be fine.

GingerScallop · 17/02/2021 03:01

If you need a break, you need a break. A rested, mentally fit you will be great for baby. It one night. It's not a month. Baby will be fine. It's you that might find it stressful so give yourself full, guilt free permission. Make sure.you do switch off: don't worry about baby, switch off gadgets and really relax.

mangoandraspberries · 17/02/2021 03:11

In theory I love this idea, but in all honesty I would miss my newborn too much! But all that matters is how you feel - if you are happy then I say go for it! Obviously make sure your DM is used to settling the baby beforehand and that they have spent a decent amount of time together so baby knows her smell etc (which it sounds like you already have). And leave your phone on loud - Worst case, you can go and get him back if needed!

Fuckitsstillraining · 17/02/2021 03:46

This reminds me of my brother and sil, about 3 weeks after having their first child my mother turned up at their house and said 'I'm taking dad for the night and I don't want to hear anything otherwise' my sil started crying but it was with relief, my dn was exhausting and had both her parents at breaking point, they got a night's sleep and this continued weekly and increased to weekend stays when dn was older. Fantastic bond between baby and grandparents and dil.

Providora · 17/02/2021 03:49

She'll be fine, he'll be fine.

The only question left is - will you be fine? If you can relax without him and catch up on sleep, and you have plans to deal with the feeding side of things, why not?

Please don't do it just as a favour to your mum or because you think you should though, it's something that should benefit you.

MessAllOver · 17/02/2021 04:33

We never did this but my mother regularly came to stay overnight with us when DS was tiny. I'd usually feed him around midnight and then she'd take him until 9-10 am the next day and give him expressed milk.

If you are comfortable with it, go for it.

sandgrown · 17/02/2021 06:22

When I had my first child it was the norm for babies to go in the hospital nursery for the first couple of nights to give new mums a rest . I survived!

shitsandgig · 17/02/2021 06:29

My parents had over nights at around the same age as your LO. It's was lovely for them and I needed a nights sleep! Go for it

20viona · 17/02/2021 06:33

Yeah I would. We went to Barcelona for the weekend when our daughter was 12 weeks which some will frown upon but to be honest it was easier to do it then than it would now now she's 18months!

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/02/2021 06:34

If the trust is there I wouldn’t give it another thought. I would defo let my parents have my new born over night, I would even go as far as it may help you bond with baby if you are more
Well rested

polkadotpixie · 17/02/2021 06:46

My Mum had DS overnight when he was about 8 weeks old. Everyone was fine 😊

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