First time mum blues

[Cr17]

Hi all,
Sorry for the long post!
Im a first time mum and we always wanted to have a baby and tried for years and then had 2 failed attempts at ivf about 5 years ago, we kind of accepted that children wasn't going to be in our future and moved on with our lives as just us 2!
However out of the blue we fell pregnant, this was a complete shock at first however after a couple of days was excited to have our baby!
She is 8 weeks old today and for the first 6 weeks I felt great, I was lucky enough to have my husband home with us for the first 5 weeks however this past week i find myself feeling upset every now and then, i have noticed it seems to be more when my baby is upset crying although she is mainly crying because she is hungry or tired and I also seem to find myself saying to myself maybe I'm not cut out to be a mum?
I absolutely love her and when she is happy smiling away at me I just can't believe how lucky we are that she is here so I can't understand why I get emotional sometimes as if im not coping?
The first 6 weeks seemed to be alot easier than what I was expecting, we was lucky that our baby wasn't much of a screamer, when she wanted feeding she would just fuss and have a little cry but we could settle her easy! This past week or so though I feel as though we have a slightly different baby, she has found her screaming crying voice and I have struggled a couple of times to settle her and I think this is what has struck me by suprise and I think this is when my emotions have started.
I do stand back and kind of have a little word with myself that I am a first time mum, being a mum is hard and babies cry and that it doesn't last forever, before I know it she will be starting school and ill be wishing I had this time again!
My husband is amazing and I do tell him when I'm feeling abit down and have a little cry and he reassures me that I'm doing a great job and I'm a great mum!
I dont think it helps that we are in this lockdown, ive basically been on my own in this house everyday since I have had my baby (apart from when my husband is home from work) i think ive had a total of about 2 hours away from her since I've had her and that was on 2 separate occasions to pop to the shop by myself as I cant go anywhere or do anything or meet up with friends and family, i have a feeling this may also be adding to my emotions!
I take the dog out for a walk everyday for about an hour (again this is just me, the baby & the dog as my husband is at work) to get some fresh air.
Has anyone else gone through these feelings? How have you coped with getting through it? Xx

Yes 100%, this is so normal. Your hormones are still all over the shop from the pregnancy, and it's so overwhelming suddenly having a little baby to look after. Suddenly you are sleep deprived, your freedom is restricted and you don't have the support network you'd usually have because of Covid.

Just be kind to yourself, get sleep when you can, lots of tea, get outside once a day for fresh air and a change of scenery, get partner to take baby so you can rest, and remember this is so normal. Babies are tough, but it gets easier! Congratulations

Ahh thats put me at ease that its normal! I had a good cry to my husband earlier and just told him how I was feeling, he was reassuring me and he said the same that its not been long since I've gave birth and my body has been through a big change! He then went upstairs, came back down and said I'm running you a bath go up, close the door and chill for a while!
I'm also abit anxious as she has her first set of injections tomorrow and I'm worrying how she is going to be with that as she didn't like her vit k jab or the heel prick test and also how she going to be after as I know some babies can get high temp and unsettled, I think I'm already setting myself up for a bad afternoon! 🤦‍♀️

@Cr17Yep could have written this post myself...mine is 16 weeks old and up until about two weeks ago I was an emotional wreck and I didn’t feel like I was coping either... it’s bloody hard work never mind during a national lockdown! Something that has changed my mindset is having a word with myself to stop comparing...don’t know what you’re like for it, but what made me feel worse was thinking what I should be doing all the time because I was hearing of all these oh so perfect babies. Trying to be too pedantic about routines and training at this age and during these times is just more stress...do what ever you can to make you feel better and as long as your baby is loved, fed and clean then who cares how you get there. Take a nap with your little one if you can...I tried getting mine to sleep in his cot and it worked for a bit but to be honest, I’ve got nowhere to be so I’m embracing the cuddles, it’s less stressful. It’s been a huge lifestyle shock but I honestly think things will be better when we are out of lockdown and you have the option of getting out and doing things even if you choose not to. The days are relentless but as others will have probably said, the smiles and laughs start coming and it does make up for the long repetitive days. You sound like you’re doing a great job and I don’t think many find this stage particularly easy so just take each day as it comes and don’t expect too much of yourself xx

@Cr17 just seen your latest post re having the injections...just get calpol at the ready and don’t expect anything...they might be distressed at the time and seem unsettled the next couple of days/nights but plenty of cuddles and they get over it. Mine wasn’t too bad from the 8 week, 12 week there was no difference and 16 week was really upset and cried/slept all day. It’s sad to see but they will be ok x

@GBA123 Yes! I see so many social media posts of people having newborns and they all seem so happy but of course they are going to have their moments, they just aren't documenting that online!
I have been letting routines, tummy time etc get to me too, my LO hates tummy time and she gets worked up crying and I dont like making her do something she hates so I have switched it up slightly and let her lay on me or have kept her upright over my shoulder, she tolerates that alot more and seems to work better lifting her head up moving around more, I did have a little routine with her for nearly 2 weeks during weeks 5 & 6 but last week it just went out the window and everything seemed to change!?
I do have calpol at the ready to come with me tomorrow.

Oh routines are the work of the devil, all they do is make you feel bad! I bought that baby whisperer book thinking it would be lovely and gentle but it made me feel rubbish!

I have an 11 month old and this last year has been such a rollercoaster. I can imagine having waited and tried so long for your baby adds an extra complexity to how you feel. You will be okay though, it will get easier and you will get more used to the ups and downs. Having an 11 month old certainly doesn't make me an experienced parent, but I feel like an old hand compared to when she was 2 months. They change so much, some things get harder, some things get easier. I laugh at a lot of what I see on social media now, so much of it is just bullshit (excuse my language) but it actually makes me angry how unrealistically people present parenting. I hope at some point you find yourself able to relax a bit, go with the flow, don't worry too much about routines or what other people will be doing. You are not trying to win a competition or "complete" parenting, you are always just going to be winging it a bit till they leave home. It does help to get breaks and time to yourself and that will get more possible as your LO gets bigger.

What you feel is entirely natural. There are a lot of ups and downs, not every day will be a good day. Your DH sounds fantastic and you are obviously a very caring, loving mum who is doing really well

The thing to look out for is if your "down" feeling doesn't go away. But feeling occasionally overwhelmed and questioning yourself is completely normal.

I cried for weeks after my first. It's hard when they suddenly find their voice and the need for a bottle/sleep/cuddle/new nappy seems much more urgent! I wouldn't worry too much about routine - you'll find your rhythm soon enough, although baby might have other ideas. My second is 3 months: I've got no idea what sleep pattern she's on, I try to play with her every day but her brother usually takes all the attention, there's no hint of a bedtime routine yet but it's ok, she's happy and so am I!

Don't worry about the jabs - give the calpol as instructed, plenty of cuddles and get a nice treat for you for afterwards!

@Keha just had to comment to say I could have written this myself!!

I still have days where I feel I'm not cut out for this, and days where I totally regret having kids, but they are not as common as when my LO was newborn (and he was a pretty chill baby). Round the 9 month mark was when I really noticed a difference in my mindset, I think my hormones just took forever to return back to normal.

I leaned on DH a lot, got him to take some of the night shifts. Also went for a lot of walks, luckily it was a great way to get LO to sleep. Spent a LOT of time FaceTiming my parents (thanks COVID).

Re routines - if you haven't already I 100% recommend looking more into The Wonder Weeks. It talks about different "developmental leaps" your baby goes through, which often coincides with a total shake up of routines. That combined with sleep regressions and (when the time comes) teething means routines come and go - I tend to try to go with the flow and hope for the best and having her lie on you for tummy time is good, at least that's what our health visitor told me

One last thing I'd say is don't beat yourself up thinking you should be enjoying every minute of parenthood. It's an amazing experience to be sure, but it's bloody hard and sometimes you just want a rest! Good luck, you got this

Thank you all for taking the time to comment! It's putting my mind at ease that I'm not the only one that feels this way.
I think I'm gonna step back and not be so 'obsessive' over a routine and go with the flow!
I did download the wonder weeks app, my niece also recommended this to me