Second child - when is the “best” age?

[Whatandwhen]

I know there isn’t a right answer, but I’m curious to hear people’s experiences. If you have more than 1 child, what was the age gap between them? Did you enjoy that age gap or would you have had one sooner/waited?

We currently have a 12 month old. Definitely want another, we’ve just been discussing when we would like to start trying and just interested to hear people’s experiences (if you want to share) 😊

I had my second when my first DD was 2 years & 3 months. My 2nd was a little surprise so she was a bit sooner than expected but I'm pleased with the age gap, they get on well, Im done with the baby stage and yes it was hard work but I think if my first had got to 5years or older I wouldn't of had another.
It's really up to you as a family though and what you think will work for you.
My DD would've been 16/18months old when I fell pregnant so I was still very much in baby mode!!

The age gap between my two is 3.5 years. I wanted a younger gap but sadly life didn’t work out like that.

They are 3.5 and almost 7 now, and although they absolutely adore each other now and are the best of friends, I do think (personally, not genetically) that it’s too big an age gap and that it will become evident as they get older.

5 years between my 2. I wanted a large gap so I could enjoy giving the second the same one on one time my first got and we could attend baby classes etc again. It was quite a shock to the system for us all, my daughter as she was used to being an only for longer, me because I had forgotten everything! I really like the age gap though they got on well and play together nicely as she is very patient with him. They do still bicker though! I think it's easier as my eldest is a little more independent and understands when the toddler need a bit more attention.

Having them close together is short term pain for long term gain. It's is really tough at first but you move into different phases together which can be a benefit.

We have an 8 year gap between DC1 and DC3 and I feel I have been changing nappies for a decade

True, no right answer, depends on a lot of factors, for us it was 2 1/2 years between them, would have liked closer but TTC took longer than we expected plus a mmc. I was 37 when I gave birth to dc2, had I been a bit younger there may have been a dc3 however it didn't happen, not without a lot of trying and throwing a lot of money at it. Stressful time but glad that time is over, as is primary school

Having them close together is short term pain for long term gain. It's is really tough at first but you move into different phases together which can be a benefit

I agree with this. My DCs are 2 years apart. While the newborn/toddler/preschool stages were pretty brutal, a decade on, I’m glad the gap is so small. My 10 year old and a 8 year old get on and play together really well (mostly!). It’s made lockdown easier for all of us than it could have been.

I have 2.5 years between my DCs. It wasn't what we planned, but has turned out to be an excellent gap. Close enough to be friends, far enough not to compete.

Age gap for mine is 19 months. They are now 9 and almost 8. I would say it is a bit too close just because of how very hard it was when they were little. They are great mates a lot of the time, which is nice. They fight of course, but also love each other a lot. But 2 toddlers is hard and goes on for bloody ages. I'm still a bit traumatised.

We have a 3 and a 5 year gap. They all get along pretty well and it felt like for each gap the older child was old enough to reason with and be a bit helpful. I don't know how people do two under two!

However I can see the benefits of getting the baby and toddler stages out of the way quickly.

2 year gap (almost exactly). That’s what we’d hoped for. The early years are kind of horrific, but as they get past the toddler stage they play together, they like the same stuff, they’re good friends. Especially in lockdown it’s been fantastic they can play together.

There's a 3.5 year gap between my two and I'm happy with it so far. Lots of advantages of DC1 being 3+ when DC2 arrives: 30h childcare (so it's affordable to continue sending him to preschool while on maternity leave), he is out of nappies, mature and independent enough to be left unsupervised for brief periods (while changing baby for example), he likes helping with the baby and fetching things.

Personally I wasn't ready to try for a second until after DC1 turned 2, it took a few months for DH to come around (!) and then we didn't conceive immediately although it didn't take too long. I'm glad it didn't take any longer as I didn't want a bigger age gap.

I had my second 23 months after my first and I wish I'd have waited lol maybe til my oldest was 4. I don't know if its just my kids but my DD wasn't overly interested in her new brother and its only now she's finally starting to show interest in him so I feel those extra 2 years with just her would've maybe been beneficial to her as well.

Having them close together is short term pain for long term gain. It's is really tough at first but you move into different phases together which can be a benefit.

I also agree with this. It was very hard at the time. Mine are now 4 and 2 and play together now which is lovely to see. In hindsight I think a bigger age gap would have been easier - I couldn't take a toddler with me to baby groups it would have been much too difficult for me so I missed out on that this time round. My youngest also didn't sleep so that was very tough too for the first year having to still get up on weekdays for my eldest when DH was at work after being up most of the night. So maybe waiting until my eldest was 4 and at school would have been a bit easier.

But it's much, much better now and I'm almost at the point of no more nappies and we very rarely use the pram. My eldest starts school soon so I'm hoping from now it gets much easier (until the teenage years). I'd say if you love the baby years wait and have a bigger age gap. If you don't (like me) get it over and done with

It might not work for everyone but we've got a 15 month age gap between the DC. I fell pregnant (planned) with my DS when my DD was around 6/7 months. It is exhausting but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I should say mine are 4 and 2 now and its still very hard lol, when youngest was born it was easy it was when he became more mobile and needed more attention it became harder

13 months between my two DDs... would not recommend 😂 It was such hard work when they were both under 2 and then in lockdown last year I had a 1yo and a 2yo. I was exhausted.

I think a 3-3.5yr gap would be perfect!

Almost 25 month gap here, and as pp has said, the early days are very full on! However once DD2 turned 1, they play really nicely together (most of the time!) now and I can already really see the benefits of having them close in age, and can envisage that benefit lasting for years to come.

Currently thinking about TTC #3 (DD2 is now 18 months old) x

5 years has been pretty great for us, although dd2 is only 14 months so not sure how things will go in the future. But both children adore each other and dd1 plays so nicely with her sister. It also means that each dd is very much an individual and not doing an activity /interest just because their sibling is iyswim

I’ve read all of your responses and I’m loving the all the different insights! It’s really opened my mind and so good to hear from different perspectives! So thank you for sharing, I appreciate it 😍

Although our first wasn’t planned and conceived rather quickly, I’m not going to assume that it will be the same for the next. Maybe I can enjoy LO in all their own glory just a little while longer and maybe consider TTC just after 2nd birthday 🤔

There's two and a half years between my girls, it's been wonderful. They're little best friends, they're so close. Only thing is that they're currently at completely different stages of play (3 and a half and just turned 1) but I know that they'll eventually be on the same level.

I'm pregnant again and if all works out with this one (🤞🏻) there will be 21 months between DD2 and the new baby.

I have a 3.5 year gap. Longer than we'd planned (ttc took a year second time round!) but now I wouldn't change it. As others have said, the older one being that bit more independent and then starting school while the littlest was still a baby has been a godsend. I really don't know how people deal with smaller gaps!!

They're now 5.5 and 2, adore each other and generally play together nicely. I'm sure this will change as they get older, but I also think it will be nice for them to deal with things at their own time without it being so big a gap that they have nothing in common. I'm equally sure that a small age gap is no guarantee they'll get on well so I think there's no right answer!

2 years and 8 months between mine and so far has been quite a nice age gap (we aren't that far in!). Oldest one has been old enough to understand that they need to wait when I'm feeding/changing the youngest one and I can trust them to not put a blanket over the little ones head or something if I pop to the loo. Being heavily pregnant with a toddler was probably the hardest bit so far!

@LarryUnderwood

Age gap for mine is 19 months. They are now 9 and almost 8. I would say it is a bit too close just because of how very hard it was when they were little. They are great mates a lot of the time, which is nice. They fight of course, but also love each other a lot. But 2 toddlers is hard and goes on for bloody ages. I'm still a bit traumatised.

Hi LarryUnderwood,

I have two girls with an age gap of 18 months. My 28 month old is going through her terrible two phase and teething with molars which threaten to come but still haven't made an appearance. How do you manage the sleeping arrangements. Are they both in the same room and how do you handle one waking the other and do you just stay consistent with not bringing one into your bed when they wake up?

Two years, three months here.

Worked out really well. I won't lie, first six months are hard. But the friendship and love they have for each other is amazing. I would go as far as to say it's the perfect age gap.

2 years 10 months between my two Close enough to be close friends and playmates but enough of a gap that baby 2 got lots of 1 to 1 while toddler was in childcare for a couple of days a week. Most of my working friends went for this gap as it makes childcare affordable as the 15 hours funded kicked in making return to work affordable. It's worked out very well for us.