Am I being unreasonable?

[Kaayyyx]

Hey everyone, so my question is am I being unreasonable and/or over paranoid? I have a 4 month old baby boy who is currently teething, however my problem is my boyfriend (and baby's father) his daughter wants to mind our baby for the day, am sort of hesitant because she is only 18 (my boyfriend is 14 years older than me) and has never had experience with a baby, also she and her girlfriend both smoke weed. Am just worried incase they smoke weed whilst looking after my baby or don't know how to handle him when he's crying because of his teething because he cry's really loud and alot as he's in pain. If I say no my boyfriend and her will both hate me. Am just stuck in what to do. Am I just being a over paranoid new mother? Thanks in advance :)

Is that an over exaggeration? That they will hate you? Because if not. Then you need to end this relationship. Because that’s a very odd way for a man, in what, his forties, to behave.

You need to put your child first. Let her look after the baby whilst you’re there for say an hour, you go for a sleep. Ans build up till you’re noth confident. But no I’d not hand a baby over for a full day either.

Just say it’s you being clingy.

I would start by letting her deal with baby while you are in the house but in a different room for a while build up time from there til u trust her enough to let her be with baby for an hour on her own or take baby for a walk for an hour and again build it from there. It's hard to trust someone else with baby especially your first

Just say no! It’s your baby, do what you feel comfortable with. My baby is 13 weeks and my sister watched her for an hour last week while I had an appointment but I trust my sister 100%, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my baby with someone I didn’t trust, especially for the full day!

I'd just say I'm not ready to leave baby that long yet. I didn't leave ours at all in the 1st 6mth.

A whole day is far too much! No way! An hour, maybe.
You’re right to be concerned, babies are very vulnerable at that age. I would’ve struggled to leave them with anyone except my husband for more than 2-3 hours at that age. I can never understand why people are that desperate to babysit - if they’re doing it to help you they wouldn’t insist on something that you’re unsure about? And if they’re doing it because they want time with the baby, well why not have time with the baby while you’re also around??
Babysitting offers are lovely but only if they’re actually helpful! And a baby in pain wants somebody they’re close to - I.e. mum! Plus the weed would concern me too.

I agree with the above posters OP. Maybe have some time with her supervised to see how she is with your baby, perhaps a little bonding etc. And I'm sure this would ease your mind. I don't think your BF will hate you but maybe have a d

However, if it was me, regardless of age or experience with babies, I personally wouldn't let anyone who I know to smoke weed look after my baby alone. Just my personal opinion.

@TallulahTaboo

I agree with the above posters OP. Maybe have some time with her supervised to see how she is with your baby, perhaps a little bonding etc. And I'm sure this would ease your mind. I don't think your BF will hate you but maybe have a d

However, if it was me, regardless of age or experience with babies, I personally wouldn't let anyone who I know to smoke weed look after my baby alone. Just my personal opinion.

That was meant to say .....'A conversation with him and explain your concerns.'

Ah I had the same issue with my 16 year old niece. You need to explain to her that looking after a baby can be tricky and you've both (you and baby) have had 4 months to get to know each other. You then need to hand the baby over and go upstairs. Build it up slowly until you feel comfortable leaving the house to go shops. Then maybe you can trust that she can do it.
I felt the same but at the end of the day babies aren't that hard and being away from mum might be good for him.
Think of this as a nice thing that she wants to spend time with him not many 18yr olds would want to do this. When we're allowed out again it might be brilliant that she can do this and give you the odd night off.

No. Your baby is not a play thing to be passed around. Right now baby needs mum. Tell her maybe when baby is older and can voice what they want.

You don’t even have to bother with the building-up-gradually thing if you don’t want to. Why on earth does this teenager want to take your baby off you for a whole day? Your baby isn’t a possession to be borrowed for a day. And why would her and her dad hate you if you don’t comply with this unusual and thoughtless demand? None of this is normal.

Is the daughter and girlfriend in your bubble? Are they having contact with people outside your family home?
I would not hand over my baby to a teen and I think it's unreasonable of your partner to expect you to do so.
If the daughter lives with you, she could help you during the day.
If she doesn't live with you, then I'd say you are not ready yet.

I didn’t even let my mum look after my daughter until she was about 8 months and I trust her completely ! I just wasn’t ready to leave her and that is perfectly normal. It’s fine to not want to be separated from your baby and anyone that doesn’t understand is not respecting your feelings.

You are not being at all unreasonable! Your baby is not a toy. I wouldn't lend my car for a day to an 18 year old who may or may not get high let alone my child. You need to see what she's like with him first so you can build some trust - she might be great but you don't know. You can always be positive about it "oh that's so lovely that you want to spend time with him! He's teething at the moment so needs me around and I'm still getting used to the idea of leaving him as well. Maybe you could look after him while I'm here in case he needs me this time? It would still be amazing for me to have a bit of time off without having to worry!" Or something along those lines?

A bit crap that your bf doesn't understand. Sorry you find yourself in that situation.

Why do they want him for a full day? Suggest an hour while you get some chores done (at your home).. Say he is currently teething and you don't want to put in her too much..

If she doesn't already live with you, or is in your support bubble as you have a child under 1 (which it really doesn't sound like), the suggestion is currently illegal. Build in excuse right there!!!