My Teenager gives me grief

[Parvathi]

Please help mums! I am having trouble with my 14 years old daughter. She acts miserable and down all the time. She keeps flipping out on her 11 years old sister all the time. She doesn't talk to me and because I am a single mum I have hard time dealing with all the parenting myself and it really drains me taking a toll on me as I have so many other things to do. I don't know what to do anymore, please help!!

We're in the middle of a global pandemic. She's isolated from her friends, living in huge uncertainty, trapped with her family and full of raging hormones. Cut her some slack. Give her tonnes and tonnes of sympathy, her life is shit right now.

It is difficult but useful if you decide to try not to be emotional about her any more. You have a duty to try to do the right thing by her, but you can make some choices in how much emotional energy you invest. Invest it sparingly.

@yeOldeTrout

It is difficult but useful if you decide to try not to be emotional about her any more. You have a duty to try to do the right thing by her, but you can make some choices in how much emotional energy you invest. Invest it sparingly.

Wtf? This is absolutely awful advice. Teens need more emotional energy, not less! Detaching from your children is a fucking shitty thing to do.

Need stamina. It's a long haul. Investing lots of emotions wears the parent out without helping them be calm & reliable for the teen.

Emotionally divesting doesn't mean stop caring. It means stop letting them upset you so much you can't make any good decisions how to interact with them.

@yeOldeTrout

Need stamina. It's a long haul. Investing lots of emotions wears the parent out without helping them be calm & reliable for the teen.

Emotionally divesting doesn't mean stop caring. It means stop letting them upset you so much you can't make any good decisions how to interact with them.

I can't imagine a decent parent capable of emotionally divesting from their early teen for showing signs of depression during a pandemic. She needs connection, not detachment.

Ye old trout is spot on. Far too often on here i see the misguided attitudes that in any situation between the parent and child, only the child's feelings and needs matter. And between couples, only the female partner's needs and feelings matter.
This is not the case, everyone's feelings and needs matter and should be considered.
The outcome of considering that is often that the child's needs are prioritised, but exaggerating in order to say that it's a shitty thing to consider the parents emotions is total unhelpful and counterproductive.

Thank you that really helped

Thank you John .

I am on my own, a single mum which is daunting for me, like the other parents have mentioned my emotions count too, my daughter has been like that even before the pandemic, she worries too much about her body and I am tired of dealing with all this things myself alone which is beyond stressful. The dad does not engage in the welfare of the children which is more stressful for me. I give her everything but for some reason she is still not happy. I understand what you are saying but I am honestly as a single mum trying head over heels my best.

I invest too much :(( and it drains me out