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Parenting

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Original poster

How to stop breastfeeding a toddler?

32 replies

PumpkinWitch · 14/02/2021 12:24

My DS is going to be 3 in May. He still breastfeeds to sleep. I was going to wean him before lockdown but I think he needed the comfort. I really want to stop before he is 3 as it feels that he is too big now.

I have tried don’t offer don’t refuse but I never offer now and he still has milk every night and often in the morning when he wakes up.

Please help. If I had a partner I would get them to put him to bed but I am a single mum.

OP posts:

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Rhynswynd · 14/02/2021 12:33

I know what you are going through. My dd is 3 and still breast feeds to sleep. It doesn’t last as long now though so I am hoping she will stop soon. I have tried everything but even with a husband at home it was impossible.

Original poster

PumpkinWitch · 14/02/2021 13:32

I have read about natural term breastfeeding and he might feed til he is 7 but I can’t do any more. I worry that it might be brutal if I stopped.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2021 13:35

Cold turkey, op. You may have a few rough nights but it will be over and forgotten quickly.

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Twizbe · 14/02/2021 13:38

Cold turkey.

You can give him until his birthday if you like, but explain that when he turns 3 he's a big boy and the baby milk has to go away.

Change up bedtime routine so that a cup of milk is given during story and use the story to distract him from you.

You can change the timing of the feed now if you want to prep for when you make the final change.

Wear inaccessible clothes so he can't help himself.

He might get upset at first but he will be ok. Toddlers always get upset when they don't get their own way, but they learn to cope and adjust.

Original poster

PumpkinWitch · 14/02/2021 13:54

I am a bit scared to go cold turkey as that might be harsh but it might be the only way.

I think getting him to sleep without it would be the biggest challenge as it is easier to distract him in the morning. I tried just cuddle him to sleep without feeding him but he got cross.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2021 13:57

It's not harsh, op and he will be perfectly fine. If you want the breastfeeding to stop you need to toughen up just a little bit in order to put an end to it. At 3, the sooner the better before it become really hard to stop it.

Original poster

PumpkinWitch · 14/02/2021 16:35

Thank you. I think I have left it too long and that is why it has been so hard to stop.

What should I do at bedtime to get him to sleep. Should I stay with him or leave?

OP posts:

Greenmarmalade · 14/02/2021 16:40

I have done this with 4 children who I’m sure would have happily been bf til they were at least 7!

Tell them it’s going to happen. Replace gradually with a beaker of milk, massage, music- whatever you want for a long-term routine.

I stay with mine and do it myself. I didn’t have a choice with DT 1&2 as I was also single, but I think it’s better to do it myself as I am not refusing the child my comfort, just my milk.

In my experience it takes 3 nights of wailing, shouting, crying and waking a lot. Then it clicks. It seems in night 3 that it won’t ever click, but it does!

Always keep in mind that you have done a wonderful thing for 3 whole years, and it’s just time to stop this and move onto an equally loving new bedtime routine.

If you can, get some babysitting for the first week so you can catch up on any sleep lost.

Throughabushbackwards · 14/02/2021 16:46

I had to leave the country for a week to stop BF! I had very sore boobs for a day or two, but once DS knew I was away he happily accepted his bedtime milk from a cup and slept right through on the very first night I was away.

ancientgran · 14/02/2021 16:49

I was a bit ill, heavy cold, and my husband said to our 3 year old it was time to stop as he was making mum tired. He said OK and never mentioned it again. It still amazes me and he was feeding several times a day not just to sleep.

Greendoonan · 14/02/2021 16:51

I had to tell my son the milk was all gone. He cried for several days and kept saying oh no, the milk is gone 😭

I did still let him hold my boob for comfort, I said we can cuddle but don’t put it in your mouth because there’s no milk. After a couple of weeks he stopped whinging although he still wants to hold my boob which I think is fine for now.

rubyslippers · 14/02/2021 16:54

I stopped feeding my DD when she was three
We went cold turkey but I led up to it before that
I actually put plasters on my boobs and said they were broken
It worked and we had very little push back
In the day I could distract and the odd bag of haribo helped
She wasn’t feeding to sleep but had a feed before bed - I stayed with her and did gradual retreat to help her (a couple of weeks or so)

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 14/02/2021 16:55

Do you want to stop completely or just to stop feeding to sleep?
I bf my eldest till she was 4 but stopped feeding to sleep at 18m. I used counting down or up as a technique, so when 'milk goes to bed, time for you to go to bed too'.

FelicityBob · 14/02/2021 17:05

Someone I know put marmite on her nips which worked immediately

MillyMinamino · 14/02/2021 17:06

Don't do it on his third birthday, it will spoil the day.

I pre-warned my son from about 7 days before. I kept telling him that mummy milk was running out and would soon be gone. Then on our last day I took him to buy a 'special bedtime cup' for his milk and I told him it was the last feed and tomorrow it would be gone.
I bought some new audiobooks (Julia Donaldson collection) and at bedtime gave him the special bedtime cup with milk in, and turned off the light and put the new audiobook on to listen to. He fell asleep absolutely fine and while he did continue to ask for mummy milk for the next few days, he accepted my explanation that it had gone without getting upset.

Oh one other thing to mention is that I had a completely unexpected hormone crash which I think was a result of stopping breastfeeding, and hardly stopped crying for the next fortnight. So get some treats in for yourself!

StrongTea4Me · 14/02/2021 17:10

My toddler was obsessed with breast milk, still feeding multiple times a day. After an awful night I said to her "No more boobies, they've all gone now."
I was bluffing really, and fully expected to give in.. but I simply didn't offer and she never asked again.

I know it doesn't always work like that, but I guess I'm trying to say try not to stress about it before it's something to stress about.

Twizbe · 14/02/2021 17:13

@FelicityBob

Someone I know put marmite on her nips which worked immediately

My two love marmite, lick it off the spoon love it.... think my daughter would think it was her birthday if she got baby milk and marmite lol

DiscustinHunAmFummin · 14/02/2021 17:20

I've just stopped feeding my 2 year old who was a complete monster for demanding feeds/night feeds and feeding to sleep.

After having thrush on my boob I'd read about cleaning with white vinegar and he'd noticed the smell was 'eurgh' I knew I had to make him feel it was his idea to stop so dabbing white vinegar in my bra around usual feed times meant he got out of the habit of feeding quite quickly because I still offered but I made a big deal out of it going yuk because he was too big for it etc etc.

Original poster

PumpkinWitch · 14/02/2021 17:24

This is all quite positive. I have been worrying about this a lot. Ideally I would like to stop feeding altogether but my big goal at the minute is to get him to stop feeding to sleep. The other night I fell asleep in his bed when I was feeding him because I was so tired.

OP posts:

butwhatcanwedo · 14/02/2021 17:33

I recently stopped feeding my nearly 2.5 year old. She’s my third child so I have some experience.

I just started saying it’s nearly time to give up mummy milk. Then one morning I didn’t let her have milk and instead she got water and a biscuit. For maybe a couple of weeks she sometimes cried when I didn’t let her have milk. I’d just say yes it’s sad and I’m sad too but it’s time to grow up into a bigger girl. She did seem to understand and accept that. Occasional biscuits helped and lots of cuddles too. It’s been fine.

thirdfiddle · 14/02/2021 17:48

Are you stopping because it's not working for you now? Or because you think it might possibly not work for you at some indefinite point in the future?

If the latter, it's fine to keep feeding him and see if he naturally loses interest. The older they get the easier to reason/bargain with.

If you've had enough now though, at nearly 3 - talk to him, prepare the ground, he will be absolutely fine. Have a think about how you want the bedtime/morning routine to be. Perhaps you could move the evening feed to before stories and toothbrushes in preparation so he's not using it for going to sleep? Then either replace with what you do want him to have (one of mine liked warm milk with cinnamon) or just say he's getting too big now and have an extra story instead or whatever he would think grown-up.

My kids responded really well to pre-warning and the illusion of choice. So seeding the idea first "you're getting a bit big for this now" for a while, then giving some options about when to stop/what to have instead. But you know what works best with your own child to prepare for change. I wouldn't spring it on them without warning, it's not like you're weaning a baby and without warning they're bound to feel aggrieved.

Greenmarmalade · 14/02/2021 19:11

I used to fall asleep all the time feeding mine to sleep! I still fall asleep putting them to bed sometimes. I’m just knackered!!

swinglowsweetchariot12 · 14/02/2021 19:23

Has anyone dried up their milk artificially? I've heard of using Sudafed or sage tea. My little toddler is boob obsessed and I've tried all the gentle ways but I'm done breastfeeding

RockCrushesLizard · 14/02/2021 19:30

If you're happy and just feel like you ought to stop, maybe you don't need to?
If you do want to for yourself, that's totally fine - there are two of you in the BF relationship after all, this is a great read in how to go about it without too much trauma
(Or indeed marmite-y bras - I swear my oldest would still be feeding now if she got bonus marmite from it 😉)
https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/weaning-toddler-bob-and-pre-schooler-billie-how-do-you-stop-breastfeeding-an-older-child

BendingSpoons · 14/02/2021 19:48

I have used Sudafed whilst breastfeeding and it hasn't dried up my milk (I was using it because I couldn't breathe) but drying up milk is meant to be a 'risk'. My eldest stopped at almost 3 because she didn't like the lanisoh I had put on due to feeding DC2 who was newborn. I felt a bit bad but also relieved. She had been slowly losing interest through. DS is almost 2 and still obsessed. He has never missed a bedtime feed because thanks to COVID I haven't had an evening out! I don't want to stop now necessarily but am a bit concerned how I will ever stop!

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