Would you have a second child if your husband contributed very little?

[chuckb4ss]

Assuming he does the absolute bare minimum. Sadly this isn't due to work commitments or anything like that and he actually wants a second. He just does very little, feels he's not the best with babies, seems he would rather be on his phone etc. He doesn't do much in terms of house work/cooking either so it's not like he can help in other ways. I think I would like a second but I think the reality of it with barely any support from my husband may well finish me off. And I will have zero time for myself as I have none as it is. Part of me wonders if I should just go for it and struggle immensely for the first few years? Otherwise I just picture myself forever sad that I never had a second.

The baby years do go very quickly and as exhausting as it is the strain on your relationship wouldn't last forever.

I'm sure the resentment over shitty parenting lasts long enough to erode a relationship further even if the baby years pass by quickly.

No. It is a bad idea. Not going to lie but l judge women who do that and then moan about it. What were they / you expecting? Lazy with child 1, then lm sure he will be lazy with child 2

As others have said maybe something to do with your 2nd husband. I’m not being flippant but the current set up is unlikely to end well

I think if you (both) want a second and you can manage both on your own (I mean, like when/if you split up) and you can do it while maintaining a career and financial security for yourself and your dc, then yes. But I would aim to fix this problem first. Honestly, babies/young children are not very exciting. Most people would probably rather chill out on their phone or relax and not do all the work they require. I'd gladly sit on my bum most days if I could. But the reality is that it isn't an option when that's what you've signed up for. It doesn't matter if it's not enjoyable, he just has to pull his finger out and get on with it.

No I definitely wouldn't as I don't wish to be absolutely worn to the bone with domestic drudgery. Plus, the massive environmental disaster we're heading for would put me right off having children at all.

Honestly, babies/young children are not very exciting. Most people would probably rather chill out on their phone or relax and not do all the work they require.

@mindutopia I wonder why most people have children then - surely they realise that they will have to spend lots of time with their baby and that will come at the expense of phone and “me” time? Your post implies that it gets easier/better when they’re a bit older, which is probably true... but they still require a lot of effort!

Plus, the massive environmental disaster we're heading for would put me right off having children at all.

@Chunkymenrock Are you child free then? Because we’ve been knowingly heading for an environmental disaster for at least the last three or four decades!

@Wolfiefan

Have a second with your next husband!

Yep

No. You will end up with 3 children.

No.

From experience, no. It's just exhausting and you'll resent his lack of help more and more with every passing day.

Sounds likes he's a poor catch , time to throw him back in and hook a better quality husband before considering another child

Unless you are mentally in a position where you will be able to cope with basically doing it all yourself.

And then be ready financially to completely doing it by yourself when you get to the point where you realised that he holds absolutely no value to your life so you decide to do it on your own. Which is hard with one child but really tough with two.

Sorry to be a bit blunt but I've been there and they generally don't get better :(

I did, but I already knew the relationship was over. I'm an only child with no parents left alive. Ex dp is an only child with only his elderly mother. I was terrified of dc1 being left all alone after me and ex dp die.

We broke up shortly after and I don't regret having a second dc. They adore each other. Hopefully it stays that way! 🤞

No way. My child deserves a caring and contributing father.