Nearly 3yo waking 4/5 times a night

[Laila747]

My Dsis is exhausted. Her nearly 3yo DD wakes 4/5 times a night, every night. She’s never been a great sleeper but it seems to be getting worse, not better.
They are very active throughout the day, long walks, scooter rides, ball games, play doh, singing, dancing, board games...
Her DD doesn’t nap at all during the day anymore and usually falls asleep in her own bed around 6.30/7pm after a story. She has no trouble getting to sleep and is happy to be in her own bed.
Then she’ll wake around 11/12pm and then every hour or 2 for the rest of the night. My Dsis will go to her room, settle her back down and then go back to bed...sometimes this works, other times she’ll be in there for 20/30 mins settling her, then struggle to get back to sleep herself.
The room isn’t too hot/cold. The bed is comfortable. She’s tried a bowl of weetabix before bed incase she’s waking because she’s hungry. She’s tried white noise apps too.
I’ve run out of suggestions....my DC never went through this stage, so I don’t feel like I’m much help!
Any ideas?
Thanks!

Anyone??

The only thing that worked for me (though my dc were younger) was letting them get in with me when they woke and wouldn't go back down. I preferred my sleep more than the battle.

Thanks for replying @LST
She tried that but found her DD didn’t settle back to sleep in bed with her. She spent most of the night wrapping her hair around her hand and climbing all over her!

Ahh what a nightmare! My eldest was a super sleeper from the get go. But my youngest was and still is really, a really bad sleeper. He does stay in his own bed now (he's 7) but it takes him a good hour and coming downstairs multiple times before he drops off.

Yes, she’s really worn out now! All mine slept brilliantly so as much as I try to sympathise I don’t really know what it’s like to have nearly 3 years of broken sleep!

Is she drinking a lot of fluids before bedtime/in the night? My DC only slept through without disturbing us once totally dry at night and out of nappies (probably closer to age 4).

I think she's inadvertently feeding the wake up by trying to resettle her. It's not her job to settle her. She probably needs to try to ignore her! Be as boring as possible. It's night, there's nothing going on.

Thanks @funksoulmother
She has been dry at night for the last few months and doesn’t wake wanting the toilet or to have a drink, so we’ve ruled those out as issues. We’re baffled as to why she wakes so much!

@Indecisivelurcher Thankyou. Yes I’ve said to my Dsis to not converse with her at all if possible. A very straight forward - Back to sleep. I think this could be part of the problem, Dsis engages with her and tells a story, sings etc and her DD obviously thinks it’s good fun to wake up and have a sing song!

DS1 went through phases of doing this- generally when there was some kind of upheaval. He did it when I was pregnant, then for a while after DS2 was born and around the time he started school. We spent a lot of time trying different things to 'solve' it but ultimately realised it was an emotional/anxiety thing and couldn't be solved. So we prioritised sleep and let him get in with us when he woke. Sorry- that's probably not what your DSis wants to hear.

Don't have any advice, just commiserations. My youngest has been a rubbish sleeper since birth and at 3 still wakes 3-5 times a night. DH sleeps with him which minimises the crying but doesn't stop the waking.

Sorry- cross posted. If she's properly engaging with her in the middle of the night, then that's definitely a possible cause. A quick cuddle is one thing- singing is quite another!

My youngest is sadly the same. The only other suggestion is taking some snacks up so she can have these during stories. We give our 3 year old a banana and yogurt. I’m not saying this will do anything but may be worth a go 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think she’s going to have to toughen up a bit and be very matter of fact with her. Dsis hates to see her upset and consequently her DD has her wrapped around her little finger!

Crikey, singing! I agree with what you've just said, however her daughter isn't being manipulative as such, she's just a young child. She's in a habit of waking at night and unfortunately your sister in laws actions, while well intentioned, have reinforced her waking up. Ideally she should have a chat to her daughter about the importance of sleeping and if she wakes she must lie there quietly until sleep comes back (I am purposefully avoiding language telling her to try to go back to sleep as this backfired on me as my daughter felt pressured). She can tell her that if she's quiet in her bed she can have a reward in the morning. I suggest something instant like a chocolate button. Really. Alternatively a reward chart but make it attainable, 3 stars for example then reward. When she wakes in the night she should check her to satisfy herself that her daughter doesn't need anything, and then leave her to it. Ideally she should tell her night night and head back to bed herself. If this causes upset then she should sit quietly in her room with her, no interaction. It's not her job to 'get' her back to sleep. It's her job to support her in learning to do it herself.

FYI my 2 have been shit sleepers and I've paid a sleep consultant for similar advice, twice! My ds used to wake much like this for a middle of the night party, but a bit younger than your niece. My Dd hit major sleep problems age 4 and age 5 we again sought paid help and used a tactic of sleep tokens that I can explain, although I think it might be a bit too complicated for your neice.