Baby instruction book!

[Littlefreak]

First time mamma bear here. Due in 3 months and feeling incredibly unprepared for what's in store. Family are all 300 miles away, friends don't have kids and my husband has only held 1 baby in his life.

Can you lovely people recommend any reading material so I can feel a little more prepared and reassured that I know what I'm doing?! (shame baby can't read the instruction book too so they can hold up their side of the deal, but a girl can dream right?! 🤣)

I find 'What to Expect: The First Year' very helpful. Congratulations!

I had Your Baby Week by Week which I found useful

We had our first baby 3 months ago, and I wish I hadn’t read anything about routines etc (eg Baby Whisperer). It really stressed us out and soured the first few weeks as we were completely disconnected from our intuition, lacked confidence, and felt we were failing and setting ourselves up for a lifetime of misery. Worse, worrying about all of that alienated us from the actual beautiful baby in front of us. Here’s what I wish I’d known: your baby is a ^person - an autonomous being with needs, tendencies and preferences, and deserving of respect. Your goal is to build a ^relationship with that person. It will take time. It involves entering into a lifelong conversation. This is hard at first because you and baby don’t speak the same language. But don’t think of it as a ‘code’ you need to ‘crack’ (some books are like: “ergh means hungry, ugh means bored, argh means tired” etc, which I found pretty meaningless and made me feel even more inept). Rather, it’s a conversation like:

Baby: cries
Parent: Oh, it seems like you’re frustrated/scared/sad/angry etc. That’s tough. Would you like to be picked up/have some milk/turn the lights down/look out of the window? etc.

...and repeat.

Does that make sense? Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting... A tamagotchi?! But the books made it seem like a baby was something to be controlled and subjugated. I realise now, through the patient teaching of my own actual baby, what a small and sad view that was. Do read up on practical stuff - how to hold and bath a baby, how to feed (Blossom antenatal course online is great, and free, if you’re planning to breastfeed, or look up paced bottle feeding), how long they should be awake at each age, maybe how to swaddle. But mostly, trust yourself and your baby and stay open to what little one is telling/showing you. Good luck ☺️

Agree with PP, read up on practical stuff but otherwise just get to know your baby and listen to your instincts.
Newborns establish their own routines.

@BerthaYoung really well put, I second this.

PS. I haven’t read either of the PP’s recommended books, so no slight on them at all! I can definitely see it would be helpful to know how babies generally develop etc. I guess I’m just suggesting maybe think about what you’re exposing yourself to, and be aware of what effect it’s having on you. Like I didn’t... 🙄

Read up on 4th trimester. Read up on safe sleep. Make sure you know the things to look out for to ring NHS e.g. sunken fontanelle, number of nappies etc. If intending to breastfeed, read up on what's normal and not.

I agree with @berthayoung constantly reading about routines really stressed me out. It's good to read up on practical stuff like the book I suggested above but the most useful piece of advice I'd give is to trust your intuition.

We had the week by week baby book which was good for the early weeks until all the sleep stuff didn't bear any resemblance to the life I was living with DS. We also did NCT which was good for the practical stuff (pre Covid). Pre DS I'd changed 2 nappies in my whole life, DH had changed zero. You learn quickly!

My favourite piece of advice is:
"You can only parent the child you've got."