Sick of being moaned at 24/7!

[Momtot]

As the title says. I just need a rant!

I’m so sick of just being moaned at by everyone constantly! I have a 3 year old who just moans about every single thing from the second he wakes up, everything is wrong or a problem and it’s always mommy’s fault. I then have a 2 year old who is SO mischievous at the moment, cries every time I tell her off, fights with her brother every 2 minutes and, you guessed it.. moans about everything.
Then there’s the 4 month old, who actually is a dream.. until it’s nap time or over night, feeds constantly through the night so if my boob falls out of his mouth he moans. Both toddlers come into our room at least 3 or 4 times a night so I have to get up to put them back to bed, by which point the little one is moaning for boob.

My partner is no different either, moans about everything, his expectations of what the house should be like with 3 little ones is ridiculous and beyond me. I think he thinks I’m some superwoman who should be able to do it all and have a smile on my face.

This morning, after a 5am wake up call and being moaned at by the toddlers for their morning milk being too hot, too cold, not having the right biscuit, wanting more biscuits, not wanting CBeebies on but not wanting anything else either, but wants to watch tv.. my partner then moans that there’s “clothes everywhere” ie the clothes I took off last night were by my bed because I’d JUST settled baby into his cot and didn’t want to disturb him by putting them in the wardrobe.. and a small pile of baby clothes I’d taken off the radiators this morning and put on the stairs to take up and put away when everyone was awake. That’s it.. but he still moaned.

I am sick of being moaned at. I’m trying my best, I’m exhausted and I can’t do it all. I also have a headache and bad period pains so excuse me if I want to sit for 5 mins after I wake up from a restless night.

I don’t know the point of this post other than to rant. So, sorry. Tell me I’m not alone?!

By all means talk to dh and tell him you are finding him draining. But learn the art of walking away when someone starts bleating. You don't need to stand there and politely listen.

Whinging only works if someone is listening.

By all means listen attentively if something is genuinely wrong/injured/hurt needs help. For pointless whinging for the sake of it, nope. You are not there to be whinged at. Don't let them bring you down!

I can't really offer any practical advice as my kids are much older but my DH is also ex military and also haz had the tendency to appoint himself as the Sergeant Major of Cleanliness and Tidiness Standards.

He gets told fuck off and don't talk to me like I'm one of one of your fucking cadets. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

OP, you cooked dinner, did bedtime and got all 3 kids asleep, cleaned the kitchen and did laundry. I just have the one 3 month old and, frankly, I’d consider any one of those things an achievement. Go you!

😂😂 my other half was kind of like yours a few years back, but that all changed one summer...😂 I ended up very sick for two solid weeks, could not get out of bed, I honestly don’t know how I wasn’t hospitalised. And guess what happened?? He had to take care of all 4 kids himself! He had his mother’s help as well but I think it made him realise that it wasn’t a walk in the park. He just about managed to keep down stairs clean, upstairs was like a bomb hit it and no washing was done in the two weeks! My kids have loads of clothes so they didn’t run out but I know he couldn’t keep all the balls in the air at once. He had a new found respect for me after that and he takes the kids whenever possible on his days off to give me a break now!

My ExH was just like yours op. It ground me down in the end until I couldn't hear the sight of him. ☹️

@grey12 I’m going to start ignoring the moaning too. Saying things like “I can’t hear you when you talk like that”, see if it works! I usually just give in and do what they want or snap at them 🤦🏻‍♀️ So that needs to stop!

@BerthaYoung I was actually so proud of myself 😂 I’ve managed it again tonight with a little help from DH doing the pj’s and I feel like I want to tell the world! The little joys of motherhood haha

@Princessbanana maybe I need to find a reason to bugger off for 2 weeks and leave it all to him 🤣 he’d probably go and move in with his mom!

DH text me to apologise for moaning this morning before I even said anything so he must have realised what he’d done.

@THisbackwithavengeance that title made me laugh it’s so accurate 😂 I’m glad I’m not the only one! They need to learn that not everyone has to live up to their military standards!

Am I understanding this right, you are up half the night breastfeeding AND you so wake ups from the other two AND you get up early with them?

That's not how this should work. You bf the baby, dad deals with any night wakings from the older ones and gets up with them in the morning.

@Babyboomtastic yep, it’s been the same since day 1 of baby 1. I’ve had about 4 lie ins in 4 years.

I’m a light sleeper, and the quicker you get to the toddlers the less likely they are to properly wake up so I just do it. By the time I’ve woken DH up and explained who’s awake etc they’ll be crying so it’s easier if I just do it myself. It’s hard at the moment though because between the 3 of them I’m literally never sleeping longer than an hour at a time.

That's not on and it sounds too bloody convenient the way all these men just sleep through their kids crying in the night.

@Momtot
Then you sleep seperatly and he uses a monitor. And if he's slow and he's up 2 hours with them, well he'll eventually learn won't he... It's literally not your problem. Can you imagine then infantilising him like that in work?

I really don’t think your partner is doing enough. Why on Earth are you getting up at night to put the toddlers back to bed when you’re dealing with all the baby night wakes? Why are you putting all the kids to bed? He could put the clothes away himself in the time it takes him to moan about it.

He might be working, but add up the hours you’re doing around the clock and it’ll be double him, for no pay!

My DH deals with our toddler if there are any night wakes and gets up with him every morning, because I’m doing all the baby night wakes. DH also does 90% of the toddler bedtime routine, with me coming in to do a last story and tuck in, because the baby is feeding. He loads/unloads the dishwasher and chucks wash loads on during the week if he sees it needs doing. None of this is prevented by him working. Your partner needs to step up.

Yeah he does need to step up, I’m fooled into thinking he does a lot because he tidies up a lot, probably more than me. But actually all that does is make me stress about how tidy the house will be when he gets home and try to keep it to his standards. The other thing I haven’t told you all is every single evening he plays on his Xbox for bloody hours, granted it’s usually now when the kids are all in bed but for ages it was all evening while I was trying to do bedtime and dinner with all the kids. So not only does he not do as much as me at all, he gets down time every day too.

Anyway we’ve just had a huge argument about something else so all of this stuff will inevitably be brought up soon enough. I’ve got a lot to say when I find the energy to say it!

Honestly op. My life was like this. I ended up separating when my youngest of 3 was 28 moths because when I wrote it down, the only thing I could think of that he did without me asking g was take the bins out.

I was both parents for my kids way before we split.

Our four year old was getting dead moany so we started this thing at dinner time where everyone has to say what their rose (good thing), thorn (bad thing) and bud (thing they’re looking forward to) that day was.

It means every one gets the opportunity to get one bad thing off their chest but engenders quite a lot of positive chat.

Our two year old joins in and his answer for all of them is pizza, if we’re having it or not

Here’s more about it though obviously don’t set it up as an activity like this at home!

www.mindfulschools.org/inspiration/mindful-reflection/

None of this solves your DP problem, however.

@CandyLeBonBon sorry things didn’t work out for you. The idea of leaving him scares the life out of me but I won’t lie I have thought about it a few times. But I always convince myself that my expectations are too high because he works and he does help out with some stuff. I’m the stay at home parent so the kids and house are kind of my job right?

Op, kids and house are your job during the hours he does his job, outside of that, it should be split 50-50.

It sounds like your expectations are too low, not too high.

The night wakings sound insane OP. Him just lying there while you do it all? What kind of arsehole does that and lets their partner do it all for 4 years without any help?!

Stop making excuses for him, he's a bully.

I know the night situation seems insane, it probably is. But it’s just the way it happens because most of the time I’m usually awake with little one anyway! I’ve been co-sleeping with him because he wants to feed a lot, but I’m going to try to get him into his own cot which may help me get a bit more sleep!

I'm sorry to say this OP but PP are right. Your job right now at night is to take care of the baby. If the baby is not fast asleep then it should fall on your partner to deal with the older children.

As far as I'm concerned with three young kids your (full time) job is looking after the kids. It would be different if they were in school etc, but it's not. If your husband moans at you re housework I'd point out that a) you're also working a full time job, with a lot more hours than he is, and b) in the time it took him to moan at you, he could have just done it himself, you know because he lives here too and it's a collective job, not yours alone.