Just a complete failure...

[mrsjw17]

I need your help so much because I just don't know what to do anymore & I feel like the biggest failure.

I understand that with everything that's going on everything is out the ordinary & can be a mixture of emotions.

Like a lot of families we have had no choice but to homeschool & will do until it's safe for my 2 children to return to school.

All respect has gone out of the home.
They don't listen.
They do what they want despite being told not to.
They speak to us how they want (even though they get told off) - there is no fear of their elders.

I just can't go on.

It's like home is being run by my children & I've had enough.

I'm under a lot of stress currently. I lost my job at the beginning of the year due to my medical conditions, I have had a relapse in my health due to the stress.

I just want my home to be relaxing & my children to do as they're told.

They delay going to bed. They get out of bed every 2 seconds.
I put them to bed at 8pm & they're sometimes not asleep till gone 11am.

Please be kind - I'm really struggling at the moment.

I just need to know any tips I can use to turn things around.

How old are they?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene
They are 7 (8 next month) & 5

I think the main thing about the pandemic and parenting is picking your battles. That for me would be obedience and attitude. What discipline strategies do you use?

Start with one thing, you mention bedtime. Prewarn them that their bedtime is 8pm, every time they get out you will bring their being forward by 5 minutes and stick to this as best you can. You might find that just improving their slepp will help with behaviour.

Ok so currently at the moment is writing things out that are bothering her.
I said that there is no judgement & whatever she writes down we'll work on to make her feel better.

I hate the fact that things are like this currently.

I'm struggling so I can only imagine what it's like for them.
Their whole world has been turned upside down.

I just don't understand where that lack of discipline has gone?
I have always been a fair Mum, always understand but I have never been a pushover.
No matter what myself or their father says they ignore!?

Is it half term for you next week? Call half term now. Cut back on the school work and focus on getting them as much exercise as possible. Get them up at the same time each morning. Tire them out so they sleep.

Do they get out for a walk at all ?
Get out every day if you can, and for longer at the weekend.
Try and run the day like school, so washed/dressed/breakfast and at the table by 9am to start work. Break at about 10am, a quick kick about in the garden if you have one. Lunch at the usual school time, and an afternoon break.
Bad behaviour has consequences, and follow through with it. You and dad need to be on the same page with it.

Mine are 4 and 6 and their behaviour at the moment is particularly difficult, thought not beyond what I can manage but it is more testing that normal.

I think at the moment it is about balancing a need to understand that children are struggling with the pandemic/lockdown whilst retaining boundaries.

Do you have a daily routine even though they aren’t in school? For me this was essential that we have some routine to the day....nothing strict just something like school/reading in the morning, one walk a day usually midday and switch time in the afternoon for an hour. I find without routine things go to pot at our house.

I also have added in some weekly treat things like takeaway and film night Friday and a weekend sleep over in the living room as things for them to look forward to.

What is the bedtime issue? How are you managing it at the moment?

I think it’s a lovely idea that you’ve asked your child to write down some things that are bothering her. Maybe she could also write down ideas of things she like to do each week (I know it’s limited at the moment but even things like cake making etc):

Get them out in fresh air everyday. Physically wear them out. Trampolining, running, bike riding, jumping, skipping, hoola hooping just make them keep going until they can't do any more. Do that twice each day. Cut back screen time. Cut back sugar from their diet. Their behaviour will improve. Paediotrician told me to follow those rules as child awake all hours of night and have horrendous tantrums. It worked. He got hooked onto sports. He got good at sports. We have never looked back.

I'm so sorry for the late reply I'm having a bad day in regards to my health & is taking me longer to do things - that's when I remember brain fog is a killer.

We have stopped school work from today.
After speaking with teachers today at their parent consultations over zoom, the teachers are more concerned about children's mental health over school work which I'm pleased to finally hear after the pressure has been unreal.

Tonight's bed time was a nightmare again.
Bed at 8pm & didn't end up going to sleep till gone 11:30pm 🤦🏻‍♀️
Screaming & shouting - which I started to ignore in the end cause it was just getting a joke.

The next couple of weeks I'm going to try & wear them out on walks & stuff if I feel fit enough.

Can't remember if I have mentioned before but I suffer from 2 medical conditions which exhaust me.
I want to do so much but my body won't let me.

Half the time I don't know if the girls pick up on this & it's why they play me up so much cause I'm vulnerable.

I just want to go back to them doing as their told, respecting me, my home, my neighbour & everything will be fine.

It seems like a mountain to climb but hopefully I'll get there x