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Mum guilt

15 replies

marti2 · 11/02/2021 07:33

Can anyone make me feel less bad?

My 7mo is a terrible sleeper and pretty much always has been, my partner leaves for work 6 days a week at 4:30am and doesn't get home until between 4:30-6pm so I don't expect him to help me with the nights.

This morning when my son had been up loads through the night he woke up at 5am and wouldn't go back to sleep so I shouted 'just go to sleep' at him and threw myself under the quilt (quite ridiculous and funny thinking back). He didn't cry, to be honest he laughed at me 😂

But I feel horrendous. So bad. Can anyone tell me they do these sorts of things occasionally and make me feel like less of a terrible mother 😂

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DinosaurDiana · 11/02/2021 07:36

I’ve done worse, don’t worry about it !
What time do you put him to bed ? Mine never went before 8pm.

marti2 · 11/02/2021 07:51

@DinosaurDiana thanks for replying, helps hearing other people have done things they're not proud of too lol. He goes to bed at about 7pm as to keep him up any later is impossible! I've tried to see if he was going to bed to early meaning his nights where bad, but he just gets so upset as he's so tired and wants to go to bed. I think it's just him. He's never slept well 🙄

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DinosaurDiana · 11/02/2021 07:58

The only reassurance I can give you is that you won’t be able to get him out of bed when he’s a teenager, so look forward to those lie-ins 🤣

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marti2 · 11/02/2021 08:05

@DinosaurDiana I'm praying for those lie ins!😂

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ASomers · 11/02/2021 08:11

I'm in the same boat with my 6 month old and I've done this plenty of times. Sleep deprivation is a killer!

marti2 · 11/02/2021 08:22

@ASomers so glad I'm not alone! We can do this won't be like it forever 💐 we hope!

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Sleepingdogs12 · 11/02/2021 08:26

Sounds exhausting. You are only human! Can your partner have the baby in the evening sometimes to let you get a bit of sleep or plan some leave to give you a bit of a break ?

CoalCraft · 11/02/2021 08:30

Sounds like a completely normal response, tbh! He was not upset so no harm done.

Ohalrightthen · 11/02/2021 08:35

Ahhhh I've been there. DD was 10m and still waking hourly, she woke up at 4.45 and insisted it was daytime and i turned to my husband and said very seriously that i couldn't stand to look at her. We sleep trained the next day!

marti2 · 11/02/2021 08:41

@Sleepingdogs12 my partner does really try and help when he can, by the time he gets home from work usually about 6pm ds has had dinner etc and is playing then shortly after goes up for bath etc and my partner is always happy to help with that! But I'm great at finding something else to do (washing, washing up etc) whilst he does that 😂 he is self employed so taking time off is a financial hit, but he does do it when I'm seeming like I'm getting to the end of my tether!

@CoalCraft this is true, thanks!

@Ohalrightthen please tell me what approach you took to sleep training, I am so ready to start thinking about this I think!

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Ohalrightthen · 11/02/2021 08:48

We did a version of CC, it's not for everyone so let me know if you'd like to hear it before i type out my essay!

marti2 · 11/02/2021 08:52

@Ohalrightthen I'm interested to hear about any approaches atm, I don't like the idea of leaving ds to cry but I've seen a lot about it being done for very short periods of time before you comfort them? I don't really know where to go from where I'm at at the moment!

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Ohalrightthen · 11/02/2021 11:31

SO we did this in two stages, stopping feeding to sleep at bedtime and naptime, and stopping night wakes. DD was breastfed.

Stopping feeding to sleep we did at 6m, bedtime first. I started feeding her to nearly asleep, putting her down in her cot drowsy but awake, and stepping back. She'd cry, I'd pat her to calm, then stop. Basically, this worked on me learning the difference between protest crying (the initial shriek of outrage when i stopped patting), upset crying, and grumpy crying. I'd ride out the first howl, she'd very quickly settle down to grumbling, and at that point I'd leave her to it. If she got upset, I'd go back. But I'd leave her to grumble as long as she liked. Took a few weeks of lots of grumbling, and then she went down with barely any. Over about a fortnight i gradually moved the last feed of the day backwards through the routine til it was before bathtime, and once she was 90% there with bedtime by herself we did naps too.

I kept feeding through the night for a while after that because we'd had weight gain issues, but at 10m i was confident she was big enough (still wearing 0-3m clothes tho...) and we did nightwakes then. I'd go in, lay her down, pat pat pat, out. And then I'd leave her til she got upset. As soon as the crying went from cross to sad/scared, i went in. First night, first wake took an hour, but she didn't wake again. Second night she slept 7-7. Next night, one wake, half an hour, after that 7-7 pretty much always, except when sick or teething.

You have to trust your instincts for this. If the crying sounds bad, go in. And get your husband on board, cos you may need him to hold your hand in the middle of the night and tell you you're doing the right thing.

marti2 · 11/02/2021 13:42

@Ohalrightthen thank you for explaining! How amazing that your lo transitioned so well to you stopping feeding through the night. That's something I massively need to work on! Ds still eats twice throughout the night and never had weight gain issues so he deffo doesn't need to be!

I'll deffo look into this more, thanks for the advice 😊

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halfwaythrough2 · 11/02/2021 13:48

Oh I remember it well!

Probably those horrible teeth coming through! Calpol will help if it is xx

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