Other people's toddlers shoving yours at the playground - WWYD?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

There's a mum with a toddler and a baby-in-pram that we often see at the playground. Let's call the toddler "Charlie". Charlie walks up to other toddlers at the playground and shoves them and laughs. Sometimes repeatedly. Charlie's mum, "Jill", doesn't exactly let it go but doesn't exactly tell him off either.

The other day I saw Charlie walk up to another toddler and shove him several times, and the other toddler started crying. The other's toddler's mum then told the toddler not to cry because Charlie just wanted to play. WTF?

So this morning, Charlie comes up to my toddler and shoves him. In my best angry mum voice, I say, "No! No shoving." He looks right at me and does it again. Jill wanders up and half-heartedly apologises that she doesn't know what to do with him, he's always shoving and kicking and so on. I make feeble noises about not wanting to stand around in the cold and move my toddler on to another bit of play equipment. I told him that if Charlie shoves him again, he can say "NO! Do not shove me!" but he said "I won't say that" (he's very shy) but that he does not want Charlie to shove him again. Then asked if he could go and play chase with Charlie and would I come with him so Charlie does not shove him. Facepalm.

WWYD? I'm horrified by the other mum's response, that shoving = playing. I'm quite happy to tell Charlie off if he keeps trying it, but I'm slightly embarrassed at the thought of telling Jill off - if I even knew what to say. I get that she can't use the power of her mind to freeze him on the spot, but I'm also not going to have my kids shoved by another toddler.

@PerspicaciousGreen

Charlie's mum is losing the opportunity to teach him playground rules and how to get along socially...
If she won't teach him then you can do it and advocate for your son at the same time. Next time you see Charlie approaching your son walk up and tell Charlie that you're son can't play with him right now because he shoves him. Pick up your son and walk away...telling Charlie that when he stops shoving your son would enjoy playing with him.
If Jill asks for advice tell her that if Charlie shoves another child she should immediately tell Charlie shoving is not allowed and if he chooses to shove then he will have to sit out of playtime for a bit...until he can promise not to do it again...if he continues shoving she should tell him she is taking him home because shoving is not allowed at the playground...that they can come back Tomorrow and he can get a fresh start as long as he doesn't shove...if he does shove he'll get time out again...he should learn very quickly that shoving at the playground isn't allowed and he will lose the privilege of playing until he learns not to shove.
Poor Charlie...it's his mum's fault for not properly teaching how to interact.

Ah this is really difficult.
Clearly his my should step in when he is hurting someone. I’m not for helicopter parenting and don’t think parents need to constantly be on top of every tiny thing that happens. However if a child is repeatedly hitting or hurting others clearly she needs to take steps to keep everyone safe.

I gave my son similar advice about shouting “no” when he was little but to be honest he was so timid he never would have. However as he’s got older he has found his voice more. My son also had a child at about that age who would be rough with him (at nursery) but who he also wanted to play with. It was really difficult to balance those two things.

Does Jill attempt to do anything to stop the hitting or is she just ignoring it.

@PerspicaciousGreen
Forgot to add this...if Jill will not correct Charlie's behaviour then you need to continue to advocate for your son by telling Charlie that "sorry Charlie, my son can't play with you until you stop shoving and start following the playground rules."
Charlie is setting a bad example for all the children at the playground... and His poor social skills may follow him for years to come...he just doesn't know the appropriate way to interact because he hasn't been taught.
This happened in my DS reception class....a boy( Charlie)kept shoving the other children when he wanted to play...my son had a very " you'd better not mess with me countenance " ( not a bully by any means, and he was never mean to another child) One day he came home and told me that Charlie had kicked him...I went to the school and told the teacher that Charlie's behaviour was way out of control if he felt he could bully my son because my son would only take so much of Charlie's aggression before DS would start defending himself and he was learning karate. The teacher admitted that the school was trying to work with Charlie and his mother on his behaviour (obviously whatever they were trying wasn't effective because by the time he got to my DS he had bullied the entire class🙄) I told her, "Well, you'd better do something quick before Charlie really hurts someone."
Not exactly sure what they did, I think counseling and behaviour modification but it did stop.
Good luck!
Your DS seems to enjoy playing with Charlie so that's a plus for Charlie. You will be teaching your son that he can call people out on their poor treatment of him and that they need to respect his boundaries...your DS just needs you to model how to do it for awhile.