Burnt out

[Mlc1112]

Hi, sorry for the long post. I was just wanting a little bit of a conversation to see if anyone else is feeling the same.

My baby is 19 weeks Thursday and he’s a really happy baby, but I’m just feel so overwhelmed with all the things I need to start doing, like getting him to get used to his cot, self soothe, should I continue with dream feed, etc, I’m also struggling with anxiety before I go to bed because I don’t know what the night will hold.

I cuddle him to sleep I the day which he seems to be refusing lately so I think he’s going through the 4 month regression and he is a rubbish napped. It’s a catch 22 as I know I shouldn’t cuddle him in, but if I don’t, he won’t sleep which will make him over tired?! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get your LO’s to nap in the day? My sister goes on abou lt the 12-2 nap being the most important so I try where possible for him to have this but they only way he does is if we’re out in the pram or if he’s in the car seat when we’re out.

He generally sleeps in the night now about 70% of the time. He goes down at 7pm after we feed him at 6.30, and then he falls asleep on the bottle generally. He. is also dream fed at 10.30, by the time he goes down it’s 11.30, he then wakes about 4am for about 10 minutes, winging and then goes back off, then wakes up again about 5.15. I put white noise on and he sometimes goes back off, but he seems to be refusing that now and I’m just lying there as long as possible so he knows I’m not going to be getting up at 5.15!

Dream feeds - what’s everyone’s thoughts on this? I tried it once without him having it and he went down at 7, woke up at 2.30, then woke up at 7 again, but quite a few times since then he seems it be stirring a lot around his dream feed time and starting to wake up so don’t think that will work anymore.

As much as he’s sleeping a block in the night, I’m
Still having to settle him in some ways in the early hours, and I’m not sleeping properly.

I just wanted to speak to someone. Just feeling a bit lonely. Everyone one of my friends have children that slept through the night 7-7 from
Early on and had great daytime naps etc “apparently” so they’re not exactly helpful.

Thanks all

First of all....your baby is sleeping well at night! 5.15 is perfectly reasonable lol.

Secondly ignore everyone else!

Daytime naps get out with the pram, use the bouncy chair to rock him off to sleep or leave him and keep going back to see if that helps. At the age he is sometimes babies get overstimulated if with you in the day for naps. (My experience, not fact for everyone!)

My girls all napped upstairs after the first couple of months. (With monitor obvs) and I treated it as I would bedtime- feed in a dark room, Grobag on and into bed. They were often whingy about it but unless they were really crying I left them to try and settle (obviously it doesn't always work). If they did cry I'd cuddle them in the darkened room and return to bed keeping them in the quiet for a decent amount of time.

Lastly your dream feed doesn't sound like a dream feed. Baby isn't supposed to wake up for the dream feed. It is a great tool but if it's taking you and your probably not that effective and might be worth dropping and feeding in the night to get longer in the morning.

Having said all that none of this will be the same for you as babies are contrary like that!! Please don't compare though just decide how you want to approach it, stick to that and ignore everyone else....even my amazing advice if it doesn't suit!

Should say "taking you an hour"

Thanks for replying :)

So I tried him in his cot a few days each week a couple weeks ago and he just cried. We had the monitor on, made the room as dark as I could and put his grobag on. He would fidget loads and then start crying after 15 mins. I’d go up and sshh him with my hand on his chest to soothe him, but he would start again. Did yours eventually get used to going off on their own, in the day and night?

The dream feed situation, we should really try drowsy but awake but he won’t settle. My concern is that he’ll get used to a night feed again and not want to drop it. What do you think? X

Are you breast or bottle feeding the dream feed? I've done both and the bottle is harder to settle if they're not really drowsy. As they will then gulp and get uncomfortable.

You could try dropping it for a week and seeing what happens. You could also try the white noise when he's in his cot and during the dream feed

There's no magic answer! Try with the naps for a week or so or get the buggy out and walk for an hour! (So tedious if you don't like walking!!!) I think really it's the trying for a decent amount of time (couple of weeks) with each idea you choose consistency and associating certain behaviours with calm quiet bedtime is what works in the end.

Please don't be anxious about it though, they're all different the little ratbags lol. I had a baby who would only sleep on her front and would scream all night if she didn't. I hated myself for not following advice but oh good I needed sleep!!

He’s bottle fed now. He does usually fall asleep o the bottle on his 7 and dream feed, but we change his nappy on his dream feed because he sometimes soaks through So thus wakes him up a bit.

I try and get out in with the pram a lot but I’m so bored now of going to the same place with lockdown LOL!

I am going to try today to get him to sleep in his room a few days this week again and next. It’s so tough and it makes it tougher not being able to speak to other mums much!

@Mlc1112 I’m in the exact same boat...got loads of people around me talking about how their babies sleep 7-7 etc and seeming to be getting on with things whilst their babies nap during the day. I’m also at a stage where I don’t know what to do with this dream feed (we also feed and change nappy at half ten as it will leak if we leave the one on from after bath until morning) but not sure if this is effecting feeds in the night for the better? Also I don’t know about you but this is actually later than I’d usually go to bed before kids so I don’t always want to wait up until this time! Nap wise I tried him in the cot a few times and it was really hit and miss but it was just a pain being on guard for the entirety if he woke himself up and having to resettle so now I just go for one nap in his chair, one on his walk, one with me(I’ll nap at this time too) and one a little drive somewhere to give my back a rest lol.

Please let me know if you trial anything and how you get on with it as I feel like I’m in the same predicament as you at the moment!

@GBA123 so frustrating isn’t it! I try and take it with a pinch of a salt because I think everybody will always tell you these things to seem perfect parents but I try and tell myself that it’s probably not the truth lol

He once went through until 1.30 when I missed the dream feed (not 2.30 as said above sorry) and then he slept until 7 so this seems ok, bit then I’m worried about 2 things ; 1) will he get used to night feeds again 2) this isn’t sleeping through

I agree with the going to bed aswell. I only have the one child but I used to go to bed for 11 latest generally so by the time I go to put my head down on the follow is 11.30 and I’m struggling to go to sleep, and I’m just waiting for every little noise. I also can’t sleep through his noises and groans if he starts to winge and not cry.

I tried the cot nap yesterday, I put his mobile and white noise machine on and put him in awake. He was tired though. He groaned and winged but he went off on his own in about 15 mins and slept for 30 mins which was quicker and longer than last time so that was achievement lol he then kept going off and waking up Winging on and off for the next hour so it’s better than the last time and he can self soothe, he just doesn’t do It every time.
I’d like to say I’ll go for W all with him everyday but honestly, I don’t have the motivation some days :(

It’s so difficult working out what’s the right thing to do isn’t it x

Are you also finding that your LO is regaining naps at the minute? It’s takes me ages to get him to sleep only for him
To nap briefly or wake up as soon as I put him down. I’m stuck cuddling/rocking and tapping bum to sleep for his naps. He doesn’t seem to go any other way unless I try the cot/go out etc.

He woke up loads last night also. I think it’s the 4lmth regression

Yeah I don’t think it’s until you properly get talking in-depth to people then the truth comes out, but it’s people acting like they’ve got it all sorted which makes me doubt myself about the way I do things all the time that’s the problem!

Yeah I was once so tired I just thought sod the dream feed I’m going to sleep and he went through until about 1 so it’s not the worst but I just don’t know at what stage to drop this dream feed or whether it’s something I’ve got to just keep up now until he completely sleeps through??

I get what you mean about the motivation for walks, some days I just cba and it makes me feel knackered when I get back but it’s the only thing breaking up the days atm and also mine’s going through a fussy phase where he needs rocking to sleep so my back’s in bits so it’s one sleep where I can get a break from that. Do you ever let yours cry out in his cot or has it not got to that point yet? There’s been a couple of times where I’m pushing for these cot naps so let him cry for a while and I never thought I’d do that but some days it just pains me to hear it so I’ve gone back to being soft and just holding him. Feel like I’m going against all the recommendations and setting myself for my hard work in the long run!!

I don't have much advice I'm afraid (I ebf on demand and coslept and was more tired than I would have liked for several months) but I wanted to say

"Sleeping through" is not something you need to tick off as a developmental stage.

You seem to be actually worried that it's not happening, rather than wistfully regarding your friends with easier babies.

My older son didn't stop waking (to the point of disturbing me) at night till he was three. No doubt I could (if I hadn't been indolent) have done various things to reduce the disturbance so don't panic! My point is that it hasn't done him any harm. He's slept beautifully ever since (21 now) and has never had issues over bedtime or getting up for school.

By all means establish routine and structure: it will ensure that everything happens and it will make things much easier for you. But if you can't get the same routine as someone else don't worry about it. Yes it might be annoying that your baby won't sleep at midday so is all grumpy in the evening when you're trying to relax with your partner; but it's not going to damage him.