DS withholding himself and then pooing in his sleep...help

[Tallgirl]

DS (nearly 3) is not potty trained yet (not interested so far) but definitely knows when doing a poo as usually has to hide behind curtains or behind the door when he has to go. He has been a little bit constipated recently and this has led to him now witholding himself when he needs to poo - i can tell because he is really windy and also squirms around and wont sit still! I also have 5 week old dd which may also be contributing to the problem (general upheaval in the house etc). He only poos about every 2-3 days which HV says is fine but we should try adding more fibre to his diet and giving him fruit juice etc Trouble is you cant make a toddler eat/drink something they dont want to - have bought wheetabix but he's not eating much breakfast at the mo and prefers toast and after going through a phase of wanting apple juice all the time now only wants water. This is getting me down somewhat on top of all the new baby stuff and has been going on for a few weeks now.... he has done a few poos in his nappy recently and we have praised him and offered a treat to try and encourage this but tonight i completely missed the signs so he did one in his sleep.

The only other advice the HV offered was smearing vaseline on his bottom (yuk!)when changing his nappy which he is also very reluctant to let anyone do at the moment.

Help!! He also complains of a stomach ache when he is holding back which is all very upsetting.

Thanks for any advice!!

Sympathy to you. Must be difficult to keep cool with new baby.

We had problems with poos (would only do them in her pants, never on loo)and I rapidly realised that getting cross just didn't work but being very gentle and patient did. Star chart worked wonderfully even at 2 1/2 years. She was delighted just to be getting stickers without having to do all that 'when you've got 10 stickers you'll get xxx' - hope that makes sense.

Don't worry too much abut fruit juice as long as ds is having plenty of water. Try one of the white wholemeal breads (I think Kingsmill and Hovis do them) if DS only likes white toast.

Chill out. lots of cuddles. You'll all get there in the end. Enjoy your 2 little sweeties

Hi. Sorry to hear it hasn't got any better . Do you think it actually hurts him when he poos, or is it just that he's worried that it will (IYSWIM). If it hurts then you need to persist with trying to get his poo softer (e.g. with lactulose and high fibre foods - can recommend Waitrose Honey Nut Bran Flakes for breakfast!). Lubricating his bum won't be fun but it's worth doing if you can. Finally, have you taken him to docs? He may have a fissure in which case it will hurt him like hell to go and in that case it's best to see if you can get a local anaesthetic cream prescribed which you apply when you see him start to try (as well as carrying on with attempts to keep poo soft).

Thanks for messages. Gingernut let me know how the scan goes think it is today.

Dont know if the poo is still painful - apparently it was a bit while at childminders on Monday but when doing it in sleep cant tell! HV said to only use lactulose as one off and keep forgetting the vaseline!! Are there any ways i would know if he's got one of those 'fissure' things??

Ta a lot

HV is wrong about the lactulose I'm afraid - it works best if you take it regularly. Hopefully it would only take a few days to work and that would solve the problem (it did with our ds) but it really depends on how worried he is about pooing. It basically makes poo really soft and so it is virtually impossible to resist urge to go, IYSWIM!

Re the fissures, it is possible to see one if you have a look! Have only seen one though, but it just looks like a little crack in the skin around the anus. Although it may be possible to get one further in that would be hard to see, not really sure.

BTW there was another similar thread recently here .

Scan was fine. Will call you soon, sorry haven't got back to you but things have been hectic with decorators in.

If there is a fissure there may be a little bit of blood in his poo.

Sorry, no other advice other than that given which sounds sensible.

However, don't worry about not going every day, as long as that's normal for him it's fine. DS1 doesn't go every day (like me ) but ds2 poos about 3 times a day!!

If he seems constipated could you try Califig - it's like a medicine in a bottle and it's quite good. Also, does he eat raisins as they seem to work too? Otherwise, what does he have for breakfast - could you sneak some linseed in it? You can get them from Holland and Barrett and you could just put a teaspoon in his cereal and mix it in. Might want to check this is Ok for kids first but it works for me! Sorry if TMI!!!

Good luck with it all - these toilet dilemmas are a nightmare aren't they!?

Sorry, I said no advice then waffled on with some advice! Bit knackered tonight and not quite on top form!