Step parenting difficulty. HELP

[Loulau]

Hi,
So I’m a ‘step parent’ to a 7 yo. He is still co sleeping with his dad but not with his mum. He can be the sweetest kid however can also be the most disrespectful person I’ve ever met. Every time I try to nut it on the head it causes drama with my partner. He is very much a drop everything n run dad. I don’t know if the child behaves like this because there is no discipline whatsoever at either house or if it because he hears bm bad mouthing me to no end. Or a combination of both. She says things to my partner like ‘I’ll never forgive you for moving on so quick’etc. she is apparently seeing someone but that remains to be seen. She does drive bys and has even threatened to go through my finances regarding my home loan etc.... that’s not even half of it. I’m all out of ideas on how to tackle both bm and child’s behaviour without causing more drama and difficulty for my partner. HELP

So your partner has to ask him would he rather have had two unhappy parents who fight all the time (?or whatever the reason they broke up was). To explain he very much loves him. The cosleeping thing has to be your partners choice to tackle. If the child is disrespectful quietly leave the room, take an iPad , a book or whatever. Do not return until your partner either apologises for the child’s behaviour or at least says to the child that wasn’t very nice. Do not try and tackle it yourself.

How long have you been together for?

If you and your partner want to tackle these things then there’s lots of different ways but if it’s only you and your partner isn’t on board then it’s very unlikely to work. When I came into DSDs life at age 6 she would stay up until we went to bed and need an adult to stay with her until she fell asleep (although had a good bedtime routine at mums) and we had our fair share of tantrums etc but DH and I decided together how to sort things out and start up a bedtime routine; I was often the one who came up with suggestions but he was completely on board with trying things.
In terms of the sleeping thing I’d say a bedtime routine and maybe some kind of reward for staying in his own bed and when he’s rude and disrespectful have a consistent way it’s dealt with.
You have to put the issues with his mum aside; you can’t change those but you can change what’s happening in your home