Toddlers reactions to new sibling

[Purplesparkle34]

Hi everyone,
I’m new to mumsnet so hopefully I’ve posted this in the right place.
I’ve got a DD aged 2, and my second baby is due in 3 weeks. I’m just wondering how your toddlers have reacted to a new baby in the house? Any tips of things I can do to make the transition easier for her?

I'm a nursery teacher so am only speaking from working with children. I work with toddlers aged 2-3 and we have a few expecting siblings. Best advice is to involve the child with all the new baby stuff I.e. Talk about how they can help with nappies etc. Talk about how the family is changing in a positive way, read books together about new baby. At nursery we talk about our families and how some of the teachers are older sisters and how they helped when baby was born and how exciting it was. Keep it positive and allow them to talk about their feelings and possible worries (know this can be difficult depending on how old they are).
Let your child choose clothes for the new baby perhaps? Or a toy?

Great advice already. We read books a lot and got DC1 a doll too.

Think he was a bit cross at first but luckily took that out on DH and he soon settled down anyway.

Having a sling helped as you can put baby in nice stretchy sling if they won't settle and still have hands free for DC1. Have some activities that you can do together whilst DC2 is feeding, like play dough or snuggling up with a book and don't forget to try and get outside every day of you can.

Let us know how you go on and welcome to MN

Oh and I think there may be a thread somewhere in the "Becoming a Parent" section for MNers due in February if you want to chat with some other Mums due around the same time

Yes I was also going to suggest a baby doll. We got one for DS. He mainly dragged it round by its leg and threw it against the wall but the idea is still good.

We also got him to choose a cuddly toy to give to the baby. I am not a keeper of things but I still have that cuddly toy and the "baby" is now 8.

DS was utterly, heartbreakingly wonderful with his brother. He was kind and protective even at two and a half. They are now best friends. I wish you the same. Having siblings has been hands down my very best experience of motherhood.

Thanks for the helpful replies!
My parents have bought DD a doll and pushchair, so she will love that.
She talks to my tummy, saying hello baby, which is very cute.
Good advice about the sling, I’ll look into getting one.

My advice would be to try to keep it “all about” your toddler as much as possible. Carry on with her stuff/activities etc. Visitors (when allowed!) have come so that she can show them her new baby sibling. Lots of excitement about being a big sister. My two are great pals as well; I agree with @SummerHouse about it being one of the nicest parts of motherhood. Best of luck with it all!

I’ve just had this with introducing my 2 year old DD to her 11 day old brother and was really nervous about it, not going to lie! Luckily it has all gone swimmingly so far and long may it continue.

We didn’t get DD a doll but she knew (as well as a 2yr4m old can) that there was a baby brother in my tummy and that I’d need to go to the doctors to help the baby get out. Didn’t have a name for her sibling until he arrived but I have heard from friends that letting toddlers know the name ahead of time can help bonding.

Completely agree with PP that getting toddler involved in caring for the baby as much as possible is a good thing to do. DD loves a job and will happily run to get nappies/wipes etc and will sit next to me whilst I’m nursing the baby with her hand on my boob to “help” - no encouragement from me given on that one!

Good luck!

I like the Pirate Pete book about new siblings. Try not to lock them into a big brother, little baby role. Let him pretend to be a baby as much as possible. Don't worry if he says he hates the baby, or wants to send it back. Just say something like "You don't like the baby right now, you wish she would stop crying. It's stressful when babies cry isn't it".

Prepare him for the fact that, during covid, he may not be able to visit you if you end up needing a hospital stay after delivery.

Chat to the baby about the toddler, so you are giving them both attention at once: "Wow, baby look at that tower he is building".

Have the toddler "show" the baby how to do stuff. Even things the baby isn't going to do for ages, like brushing teeth etc.

Role-playing games are good when breastfeeding. Toddler can bring you food, or tea, or you can be a shopkeeper selling him stuff etc. Storytelling is also good here. Like, just telling stories out loud with no book you need to hold and look at. Simple stuff like Goldilocks, or the 3 little pigs. Again, helps you give both attention at once.

We really didn't have any problems. We'd spoken about the baby a fair bit before and we had a book we read a lot (her choice) but I was really surprised given everything causes a breakdown! Might be a bit different when DD2 gets on the move and starts trying to chew DD1s toys!

We did all the right things, but No.1 still used to stand on the table and hurl wooden bricks at the picture window every time I breast fed No.2 !!! It showed spirit I felt

Now No.3 was great, as 1 and 2 were older and just treated her like a new doll, even down to doing nappies.

I was at home alone with baby and toddler a lot and baby took up a lot of my time, so I would make breast feeding baby, a time for toddler to get some attention, read a story etc so that other times when I was not able to give attention I had already filled that cup so to speak so it was less of an issue, I found if I started the day giving attention to toddler it got the day off on a good foot, so... toddler is still at an age when puppets are real to them, so this game was very effective... We would wake and snuggle together, Baby whispered in my ear a story of the wonderful dream they had had in the night of how baby and toddler had adventures together when mummy wasn't looking and all the things they did, toddler thought baby really saw him as their partner in crime and would 'chat' to baby about it. They broke into a chocolate factory and ate all the chocolate, they played with foxes in the woods etc etc starting the day with making a connection between them was so helpful to getting a bond going.
I did often feel torn between the demands of the two, dc1 had my undivided attention while feeding not mummy telling stories to someone else, I felt bad dc2 didn't get that the same, but I think it was the right thing for the greater good in the end. They are great friends now at 8&10

Great advice apple