"Cold turkey" nursery transition - worried

[hiccupgate]

DS just two moves up to the toddler room at Easter. It’s on the other side of the nursery with different staff who he’s never met and to him, it might as well be another planet. He’s been in his current room for over a year, with the same key person and is very happy and settled, but it took him a while to get there. Both when he started at 10 months and then again after lockdown we had weeks of screaming and crying at drop-off and in a lot of the early photos I got back from nursery, he had clearly been crying. He’s the same outside of nursery. Very shy of new people even if I’m there, and gets very distressed if he thinks he’s going to get left anywhere. Same pre-covid.

We’ve been told that his move to the toddler room is essentially going to be “cold turkey” because of covid. The children get a video from their key person. No settle-in sessions or face-to-face contact until morning of drop-off, which will also be in a different gate to his current room. We’re not allowed in because of covid (I do get it).

I am worried for DS. He’s going to be moving into a strange, louder, busier environment, with a larger staff : child ratio and therefore less comfort if he needs it.

I understand that covid has made it this way, but I feel terribly guilty that I am going to subject him to this. I have to work, so he has to be in childcare and up until this point I have been so happy and comfortable with our choice of nursery, but honestly this feels rough and a bit neglectful of him as a person.

I’ve never kept him away from social situations, so I try not to play into the fact he’s nervous of new people and places

Am I being unreasonable here? Any practical tips for preparing him? He’s not a huge talker but signs a lot and while he has good understanding, it’s difficult for me to gauge exactly what he’s taking on board. I’m not sure he’s going to grasp me talking about future events – they’re just going to be abstract to him.

He’s only in two days a week and I’m going to talk to nursery and see what wriggle room there might be but would appreciate thoughts from others. I'm prepared to be told I need to get a grip but I know he's going to be so distressed by it :(

I think tbh you might just need to accept that he'll be a bit unsettled. It's really shit, and a shit way of doing it, but I'm assuming you don't have any other option - if the nursery can't offer you any wiggle room then it's just going to have to happen how it happens, and it might well be distressing for him. Fucking sucks, and I'm sorry.

Maybe it might help you, personally, if you come up with a plan for some extra lovely things to do with him outside of nursery over that time period? Favourite delicious treaty breakfasts, extra special activities for after, lovely days planned for the days he isn't there? It probably won't have any impact on how he finds the nursery transition, but you might feel better if you can be confident that while he's having a tough time there, he's having an extra lovely time with you while he adjusts.

@Ohalrightthen thank you. That's a lovely suggestion. It's a bit different with a smaller ratio where he could have more attention; I doubt DS will be the only one upset so I'm worried he's not going to get the support he needs to settle down more quickly. They've offered us an extra few videos and a zoom call with his key worker. I expect I'll be "that" parent. .

Must be others who have done this with covid over the last year?

If he won't understand that it is the same nursery, then treat it as settling in to a new nursery. In fact, if you don't like how the nursery is dealing with the transition, maybe it wouldn't be any more upheaval to move to a new nursery with a better policy?

In my nursery they let parents sit in the garden for settling in sessions, and the toddler ventures inside when they are ready. Would that be an option?

Otherwise, just keep talking about it. Maybe once or twice a week, so it's not overwhelming or worrying to him, but he might understand and remember.

Possibly book some time off work, so that he can start off with shorter sessions in the new room?

Be prepared for him letting out his feelings when he gets home. Plan for lots of quiet time playing with you so he can reconnect. And be prepared to be patient with him if he acts out.

Maybe ask for some photos of him with old keyworker/s, so you guys can look at them together if he misses them.

No advice OP but in exactly the same situation, could of written your post! DD was due to move up to next room after xmas hols and was getting 2 semi transition afternoons where she would get a video call from the new room and her new key worker would speak to her over video but because of lockdown she's been off nursery since before xmas and now will have to go straight into new room with no transition after 2 months off. She also is very shy of anyone/thing new and doesn't particularly like crowds or lots of people. She took a long time to settle into nursery (at 10 months) and was an absolute nightmare when she went back in July after lockdown, to the point I was seriously thinking about pulling her out. Dreading her going back but think it's just going to be a case of gritting my teeth through it. I'm going to take the 1st week shes back off work so I can just put her in a few hours rather than full days

Do you have any annual leave so that he could just do a couple of mornings first before a full day? Also ask if you can have a copy of the video to play at home a few times

I had the same worry about my daughter at 18 months (no transition due to Covid, super bonded to her baby room key carer). She was absolutely fine - so much quicker than her settling in when she first started at nursery.

I think she really liked the fact that the room was busier and had more interesting stuff. It was much more stressful for me than her! x

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm going to take annual leave and then can do half or shorter days if needed. He's so used to seeing people on a screen that I'm hoping with a couple of extra videos and making sure we keep mentioning it to him in the run up, that he'll be okay. And I'll practice my calm and confident handovers 😅. So bloody stressful though!