Co-parenting overseas

[LydiaKyla]

Hi. Looking for advice or past experiences. I'm leaving my husband & going back home (South Africa) but I'm scared my daughter will be sad about the changes but this marriage hasn't been working for years now (his a good dad but not a good husband) I just feel stuck, miserable & alone! I want to co-parent so they can maintain their relationship, is it possible from so far?

Is he in agreement? Otherwise you can't leave anyway.

How old is she? It's much easier when they can fly unaccompanied. And everyone has the money to pay for it.

Simple answer- you can't. She will barely see her dad- and as she gets older, most likely won't want to spend holidays flying back to the UK. Has he agreed to the move?

As pp have asked, have you got your stbxh's permission for this? Unless you have a schedule where you stick that your DD stays with him every holiday but this would be expensive. This is a problem for me as well as my home is in a different country and if this ever happens to me, my DH won't ever give permission for me to take dc to my home country where my family is and also where I have my own house and can return back to my old profession that could give me and dc a very decent life!

Do you have some sort of plan or agreement with your Ex over how this is going to work?

How old is your dc?

@MrsTerryPratchett

Is he in agreement? Otherwise you can't leave anyway.

How old is she? It's much easier when they can fly unaccompanied. And everyone has the money to pay for it.

We still in talks about her future. She's only 2 :(

@SnuggyBuggy

Do you have some sort of plan or agreement with your Ex over how this is going to work?

Not as yet.

I think it's highly unlikely that he'll agree to let you take her abroad. I don't know a single man who I'd call even a halfway decent father who would agree to their child being raised on a different continent.

It's also going to do permanent damage to her relationship with him. I don't think it is at all the right call, to be honest with you.

Are you in the UK?

I'm really sorry but it is highly unlikely that he will agree to you taking your daughter. It's the risk you take starting a family overseas.

Honestly, assuming he does let you take her, I think whether it can work will very much depend on how much money you have. If the cost of flights is not an issue, it might be just about workable to have regular holiday contacts and he might be able to fly out for short visits as although it's a long flight there isn't a time difference.
But if either of you can't afford to do this I can't see how it is that workable.

At 2 it's just not possible.

They need to see carers frequently. And they can't fly alone. And they can't really Skype, even with the parent there.

Sorry. I know it's really hard.

We are all assuming you're currently in the UK. Is that right? Was your daughter born here?

You cannot move abroad with your daughter (if you're in the UK) without her father's permission. He can apply to court to stop you doing so. I believe SA is part of the Hague convention, so she can be removed from you and returned to the UK if you go without permission.
Everything else is academic at this point, get his permission first before you worry about her adjusting. Most parents would allow it to go ahead.

Best case scenario it would be like a relationship with grandparents you mostly see via video call. From experience I'd say that can be a real and meaningful relationship but nothing like coparenting