First formula feed and I feel like such a failure!

[Missworry92]

Hi ladies,
I've been trying to breastfeed my little one and straight from the start we had issues. When he was born I stayed in the hospital for a few days as he couldn't latch, he had suspected tongue tie but he managed to latch on the third day. I had good milk supply as I was pumping and feeding him. Got home and tried to just breastfeed but he would only latch on for 5mins, 10mins both sides tops.. it seemed that he was impatient for the second letdown and just screamed and cried so I've been expressing and feeding him that for the last 11weeks. Always 10mins on breast and bottle. The feeding specialist has tried everything with me, different positions, nipple shields etc but he just wouldn't stay on for any longer. Anyways, my milk supply has dropped and really struggled to pump anything these last two days and just now had to give him formula for bedtime as I didn't have enough of my milk. I feel so horrible. I know fed is best but how do I shift this guilt of my chest.

Is your baby hungry? No? Then you’ve done your job! I promise by the time your dc is in school you won’t have a clue who was formula fed and who wasn’t!

You've done everything you can. Mum guilt is a huge thing and I think you should congratulate yourself that you stuck at it the way you have. You've done so well. Don't knock yourself x

Ignore the breast is best brigade and stop beating yourself up. There’s a hell of a lot more to being a good parent than breastfeeding, honestly.

We have almost the exact same story. I started exclusively formula feeding around the 1 month mark - I didn’t mind at the time although a little disappointed, it was months later when the guilt hit.

He’s now turning one next month and he is the happiest, healthiest little boy. In my mind I’m making up for it with all the home cooked meals he loves, and it also helps to know that he did get that breast milk in the first few weeks which makes a difference!

I agree with the others OP, there is much more to mothering than breastfeeding and I think that it doesn't matter when you are great in those other aspects of mothering. Try not to set your mind on this.

You are not a failure OP. You are doing a brilliant job.

Lucy Ruddle on FB is supposed to be an expert in relactation/increasing milk supply, if that's something you want to look into. She has a book:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B083N2LFY6?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

And facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/1490285441069342/

Has the tongue tie been cut? Are you interested in that as an option at all?

You've done so fantastically to get to 11 weeks on breastmilk alone - that is really, genuinely a phenomenal achievement with a baby who can't latch. A combination of breastmilk and formula will likely be great as it means he gets everything that he needs but you also have some pressure taken off you.

It can feel horrible at first when you've invested so much into getting solely breastmilk, but what I found when we introduced formula to DS2 was that it quickly became just his milk - nothing horrible at all. And it doesn't mean that you will have to stop giving breastmilk. If you want to do both alongside, that's great too.

I don't know if you will have the same reaction as me as well - but I found I quickly replaced the guilt about formula with some kind of desire to "do formula perfectly" - it had to be exactly the right, sterile knife, the water measured to the single millimetre, I had a screaming argument with DH because I felt he wasn't respecting the guidelines properly it can be a fraught time. But it settled down and honestly it was actually quite nice to have some formula around by the time we started weaning (I never, ever thought I'd feel like that) in comparison to DS1's weaning experience. We were also able to wean back to fully breastfeeding again not long after he started solids, because he needed less from the milk side of things.

Oh thank you ladies, I think I needed to hear that.. obviously the guilt won't go away so quickly but I might be able to sleep now haha..
I forgot to mention that his tongue tie was cut just before Christmas but unfortunately made no difference @BertieBotts
And I will still try to carry on and combine the two if possible, just don't get why the supply dropped so quickly.

Please don't feel bad. You gave it your best shot but have adapted because baby wasn't sated and needed more. You alternative was to starve him. You did the right thing, please don't worry.

How old is he now? I thought 11 weeks from your post but then I realised that you said you've been exclusively pumping for 11 weeks (seriously this is medal worthy!!)

It's common for supply and pumping output to drop around 3 months old. This article explains it really well. kellymom.com/hot-topics/pumping_decrease/

Do not feel guilty. Sounds like you have done amazingly well and I would have given up long ago in your position. There is no need to feel bad, you will never be able to tell when they are older that they weren't EBF. I BF one and FF fed the other and both those ways of feeding were the best for our family at the time. Be kind to yourself you're doing a great job by the sounds of it

Sounds like you’re doing brilliantly to me! Definitely don’t beat yourself up.

Worth having the tongue tie checked again. Did they give you exercises to do with his tongue after? My baby’s sealed itself down again and needed it “stretched” a week later to release it. Now it’s moving freely, you can see the difference.

Honestly Op, it feels so important right now when you're in the thick of things and shattered but in a years time you won't be thinking about this... I Have a 3yo and nearly 2yo and tried to BF both but gave up fairly early on both times (for different reasons)). I was devastated when I first FF but honestly in hindsight I know that was definitely the best decision I made both times. I don't think about it now... and they are both happy bright health little buttons. Please don't beat yourself up for another minute ! It's just not worth it x

@Missworry92 I have 3 kids. The first I made my life hell for the first 6 weeks trying to breast feed him. Mastitis twice. As soon as my then DH suggested we try formula I literally cried with relief.
Baby 2 I said I would try again but he just wasn't interested and was on formula by the time we left hospital 12 hours later.
Baby 3 I said to the midwife from the start I am not even attempting to breast feed. Midwife didn't even question my choice, said I knew what I was doing and it's personal choice.
You're not alone and by no means a failure.
My motto each time has been 'Bottle is best for mum and baby 🍼'

Thank you ladies, I feel better this morning. I thought he would sleep longer from formula as I know it's more difficult to digest but he only slept 3hours before waking up the first time 😴
@FizzingWhizzbee123 I haven't had his tongue checked again but I can see that it's much better than it was and he seems to stick his tongue out much more now. We went to have it done privately and they don't offer follow up appointments nor did they tell us about any exercises 😑
@hashbrownsandwich haha love your motto 😁 xx

3 hours is still alright for his age. Don't beat yourself up. At least if you know it's 3 hour stints you can work around it and you'll know when to get your head down.