How do you cope with people not liking your DC?

[givemepastaplease]

Never thought I'd have to start this thread but it's really getting to me now. SIL has always had a problem with me from the start, I was never bothered until I had DD(2). SIL was very vocal about not being happy for us as she wanted to be the first to give MIL a granddaughter, she still came to my baby shower, came to see us when DD was born, brought gifts, etc...until DD's 2nd birthday. SIL never got DD a birthday card or present and stopped her son(DD's cousin) from coming to her birthday party. When called out by DH about not even getting DD a card for her birthday, both BIL and SIL made every excuse under the sun and apparently her card is still at theirs, they just haven't seen us but they will drop it round MIL's to pass to us. This was the beginning of last year. Still noting  when we saw them last summer when restrictions slightly lifted, SIL point blank ignored DD whenever she came up to her to try and talk to her, called her name to get her attention, asked to play, asked for a hug, etc...I still can't get over it. She's 2, she hasn't done anything to anyone, she's such a sweet little girl. Every time I look at DD, my heart breaks thinking about that time and her little face when she was ignored and rejected. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Call her on it, ask her how it would feel if you treat her child like that then go NC. No one should treat a child like that. She’s obviously jealous.

Shut your sister out immediately. This is start of long road of misery for you. I don't think your sister dislikes your DD (how can she, dd only 2). She is using her as a weapon against you. One your dd will pick up on these vibes and it will crush her. Protect your dd from that.

I've tried something similar before. Deleted off all social media, went low contact, tried not thinking about her at all etc. but MIL wouldn't stop talking about her. Her name would come up in every single conversation. It's really annoying. DH says that I'm just causing drama and to stay quiet to keep peace. I am concerned about how it's going to affect DD as she gets older and starts noticing her behaviour

Wow your husband lets them treat his daughter like that?

He says that in the grand scheme of things, it's not important so I'm on my own here

It’s absolutely despicable and unacceptable behaviour on her part, and you’re right to not accept this for your DD.

If it were me, I’d tell DH he either speaks to SIL and MIL about it, or I will be. And then I’d be having words. Don’t be fobbed off by him not wanting to make waves. It’s SIL in the wrong here, not you.

Maybe next time only get together with your SIL with MIL present and call her out straight away on her behaviour: ‘DD is talking to you. Why you are not answering? It’s very rude.’
Otherwise you could just ignore her when you are together.
Also she doesn’t want to be friendly with you so why bother? Maybe it’s time for your families to drift apart a bit, it happens.

He says that in the grand scheme of things, it's not important hmm so I'm on my own here
And what does he consider to be important? I’m genuinely curious.

I thought this was going to be about other children not liking your dc. Your sil and mil sound awful, how can they ignore a 2yo asking for a cuddle? I'd be most livid with dh though, you're not creating drama, you're looking after your child!

I wouldn't have ignored her but certainly wouldn't have cuddled someone's child when we were allowed to meet up....but that's irrelevant really....

There is clearly so much more going on here and it has nothing to do with your daughter. It doesn't sound like you're in a position to really tackle it so can you just go low contact? Let your husband send a card and buy presents if he wishes but don't get involved yourself, that kind of thing?

To me, it sounds as though there must be other things at play, which sounds like fertility issues and her struggling to get pregnant or maintain a healthy pregnancy.

You're happy with your family, presents and cards really won't make your daughter any happier in the big scheme of things.

If it was me I would imagine her fertility treatment has been delayed/impacted by covid and she is feeling even more unhappy. Unfortunately situations I have seen like this they may not even admit wanting kids as it is too painful to discuss although you in this case you know your SIL was desperate to have the first grandchild. That would just be what I would assume and have seen in similar situations.

My SIL was similar with my DS - ignored him basically. Didn’t acknowledge birthdays or Christmas. When she had her own child she completely changed and has been lovely to him. I think she was jealous but now she has her own wants the cousins to have a relationship. It’s petty and mean and I do think less of her but ultimately now things are good for my son I can try to forget it. Sounds like your SIL wishes she had a daughter. Hope she gets over it soon for hour sake but not sure if there is anything to be gained by calling her out on it.

I wouldn’t be putting your DD into a situation where this can happen again; it’s cruel and horrible to ignore a child like that. I realise that may cause issues with your DHs family but that’s the fault of your sil; don’t allow your DD to be treated that way

@givemepastaplease

He says that in the grand scheme of things, it's not important so I'm on my own here

Toxic dynamics normalised in his family then. Urgh. Do your best to avoid, but so long as your dh isn't behaving towards your daughter in a way designed to reduce her self esteem I expect the SIL will be 'that horrible aunt' and if she is surrounded by love at home and has good relationships elsewhere it shouldn't drag her down - it's horrid behaviour of your SIL though. My dd is not approved of by her GP's on DH side. We insist she is civil to them and extends good manners, but she isn't expected to demonstrate a love she doesn't feel so we don't insist on kisses etc. We acknowledge to dd that these people don't behave well (in some ways they aren't totally awful) but they are family so we extend them courtesy but true love is earned. She isn't made to feel it is her fault or that she is imagining it. She's fine with that and they miss out on a lovely person who has buckets of love to give if they weren't so busy putting up barriers.